You're banned from The Hit List

BY CHRIS SCHULZ

There seems to be some confusion over the various topics that are banned at The Hit List. Everyone seems to know that old baldy from Genesis can never be named in these pages, and that after their show last year, Coldplay got a reprieve - moving from the "banned" list to "tolerable".

But in the comments section of this blog people keep mentioning crap bands, terrible movies and other general allround awfulness that I thought would never be heard of again. So to settle the score, here is a list of Everything That Is Banned From This Blog and Other Things I Don't Like.

You can accuse me of being in a bad mood, and hey, you're probably right. But it's my blog, and I make the decisions. And I'll counter it with a list of everything The Hit List loves early next week.

Banned: Nickelback, Creed, any band that sounds like Nickelback or Creed, the theme song from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, any movie soundtrack song sung by Will Smith, any movie soundtrack song sung by Jessica Simpson, Everybody Loves Raymond, the last minute of the last episode of The Sopranos, Castaway, U2, Bono, any musician pretending to be a politician, any politician pretending to be a musician, any politicians trying to dance, Madonna's acting, Madonna's singing, Madonna's body, Madonna's boyfriends, Madonna's haircuts, Madonna's accent, Madonna's eyebrows, Madonna's 4 Minutes, news that Nine Inch Nails are splitting up (I just can't take it anymore), any Black Eyed Peas song released after Bridging the Gap, Two and a Half Men, Billy Corgan's The Future Embrace, Home Improvement, Nip/Tuck losing its mojo, TV shows that jump the shark, the phrase "jumping the shark", shark jumping in general, M*A*S*H* re-runs, Friends re-runs, season one of The Simpsons, The Nanny, Brokencyde's Get Crunk, Brokencyde's Freaxxx, any song by Brokencyde, any band that mixes crunk and screamo, any band that collectively dances like a crab during a live show, that Donnie Darko sequel, Southland Tales, Justin Timberlake's acting, The Thong Song, Newsboy flagging away Eating Media Lunch to make a TV show about birds, bowl cuts, auto-extending when Trade Me auctions are about to close and you've got the winning bid, baseball, softball, T-ball, being constantly asked if you play basketball when you're six-foot-four, coffee-flavoured foods, Helen Hunt, Knowing, Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Ghost Rider, anything remotely involved with Nicolas Cage, any criticisms of Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, V, Mother, Jolt, Red Bull, taurine, guarana, caffeine, any other ingredient that makes up an energy drink, bouncing off the walls after sculling an energy drink you don't like, big sunglasses on skinny girls, trying to master the drums on World Tour, TV advertising, US TV shows taking months to screen in NZ, Megan Fox opening her mouth and talking, the Dukes of Hazzard remake, the Knight Rider remake, the Beverly Hills 90210 remake, the Melrose Place remake, any remake of a classic '90s TV show that's not V, season three of Battlestar Galactica  (what happened?), Grey's Anatomy, Sarah Silverman, Who Let the Dogs Out?, Lily Allen, Danni Minogue, Lisa Lewis, celebrity guest appearances on TV shows, season two of True Blood coming to a close, running out of broadband halfway through the month, Twilight, Twilight: Two Moons, Robert Pattinson, any vampire movie or TV show that isn't True Blood, Brendan Fraser, Charlie Sheen, starting a vinyl collection before you've purchased a decent turntable, bad rapping, AutoTunes, Land of the Lost, any Will Ferrell film that isn't Elf, Stranger Than Fiction or Anchorman, Ricky Martin, Enrique Iglesias, scripted reality TV shows starring has-been rock stars trying to find a new girlfriend, and - finally - Ghostriding the Whip.

Whew. Anything else you'd like to see banned from this blog, or from your life in general?

 

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