Today I am deeply conflicted. Brooding, even.
We're two days out from the premiere of Breaking Dawn: Part One and I have two precious free tickets pinned above my desk. This is as it should be, given my highly public Twiharding.
However, in my downtime, I've just been Googling Robert Pattinson, the only movie star I've ever had a genuine crush on. And it turns out he hates Twilight. Not just one character in it, or a particular scene, or the fact he now can't go out in public. Nope. He hates pretty much everything about it. Worse, the man makes an excellent case.
(Note: Potential spoilers ahead for those who haven't read the books!)
He's creeped out by the book, and its author, Stephenie Meyer:
"When I read it ... I was convinced that Stephenie was convinced that she was Bella, and ... It was like it was a book that wasn't supposed to be published, like reading her - her sort of sexual fantasy about some - especially when she says that it was based on a dream, and it's like, 'Oh, then I had a dream about this really sexy guy' and she just writes this book about it, and there's some things about Edward that are just so specific that ... I was just convinced that this woman is mad, she's completely mad, and she's in love with her own fictional creation.
"And I sometimes ... Feel uncomfortable reading this thing, and I think a lot of people feel the same way, that it's kind of voyeuristic ... It creates this sick pleasure in a lot of ways."
(From a 2008 video interview with E!Online, which has been widely quoted but since removed.)
"Girls often say that Edward's 'sooo perfect,' but he's not. I do not like people who try to exert control in a relationship, when there is an imbalance. This is very wrong and very strange."
- Last month, at a Q&A in Brussels.
"... The more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that's how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself."
- October 2008, to Empire magazine
He thinks the Breaking Dawn plot is ludicrous:
"Have sex, demon baby. No, they get married first, demon baby, Jacob falls in love with the little baby [laughs], then everyone tries to kill each other, but nothing happens. Oh, that's the second one [laughs even harder]."
- July, at ComicCon.
And - horror - he mocks the highly-anticipated sex scene. (For non-Twihards: in the book, Edward gets fairly rough on honeymoon, and hates himself for hurting Bella.)
"I wanted to have it as a line so much. [He switches to an 'Edward' accent] 'I bit through all the pillows. Every. Single. One.' And then he'd start crying. By the way, that's what he should be ashamed of in the morning. All those beautiful pillows! Egyptian cotton! (Laughs) 'I ruined this bed!'"
So you see I'm in a terrible bind: I can unconditionally and irrevocably love Twilight, or R-Patz, but not both.
What to do, fellow Twiharders? Forget I ever saw any of this? Boycott the premiere in protest? Find something to fill the Twilight void? I'm halfway through the first season of The Vampire Diaries, but so far it's a pale imitation...
Catherine Woulfe is the deputy editor for Sunday Magazine.