Our show's sweet as broBRIDGET JONES
So that was the Olympics then. Ten days of throwing, rowing, jumping and diving by the best throwers, rowers, jumpers and divers on the planet.
I only watched about 20 minutes of the men's high jump and the odd moment of the women's judo, and I didn't see a single gold medal won by the amazing Kiwi athletes, or the drama of Our Val missing out on one. I wish I had watched more, but apparently TV aerials are a bitch in Balmoral, and I haven't been gifted free Sky TV for life just yet. So the Olympics were a fleeting thing for me.
What I did see, thanks to a well-placed telly in the newsroom, was the closing ceremony.
Apart from the Spice Girls, the volume remained rather low for most of it - we work hard here and distractions are kept to a minimum. But I got a sense of what was happening thanks to my powers of perception, lip-reading talents and Twitter.
It seemed flashy and rather grand. I was disappointed the Queen wasn't able to make it along though. And it was nice to see the likes of Fat Boy Slim, Liam Gallagher and The Spice Girls proving they can keep up with the kids - like travelling back to 1998, and what a good year that was.
But the question now has to be What Would New Zealand Do?
Say we were let loose on the Olympics, who would we have closing the games? Don't look at what we did for the Rugby World Cup - this is a different kettle of fish. I'm talking more music, less Jonah.
Jordan Luck will be our George Michael, right? And we'll have a bit of Kimbra dancing around in a sparkly leotard like Jessie J. Swap out Freddie Mercury for a hologram of Billy T James, and forget Fat Boy Slim, because it will be Shihad getting our crowd going.
Muse might have been behind London's Olympic song, but I reckon we would leave it in the hands of Beastwars - now that would be interesting.
Melting Pot by When The Cat's Away will surely follow the Muttonbirds' Anchor Me, and to keep the country's youth happy, Dane Rumble and Stan Walker will do some sort of chart-topping duet.
David Dallas will be there and so will The Naked and Famous. And Fat Freddy's Drop will keep everyone calm when the excitement gets a bit much.
Throw in an epic number by the entire Finn family and top it all off with True Bliss chucking those crazy space outfits on one more time a la The Spice Girls, and we must be pretty close to a Kiwi replica.
Oh and of course the whole thing will wind up with a stadium sing-a-long of Slice of Heaven, with Dave Dobbyn leading the charge.
Yeah, that's exactly how it would go, I can picture it now. Reckon John Rowles will still be good to go in 2024?
- Auckland Now
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