Dads band together

MICHELLE COOKE

THERE are groups for young mums, mothers and parents – and now there is a group just for dads.

Just 4 Dads was formed earlier this year after Alfred Ngaro, Jack Scanlan and Chris Makoare identified a gap in community services.

The trio established Just 4 Dads with the thought of it being more than just a service, but a collective – a "family" even.

"A lot of parenting is consumed – where people look for a programme for the solution," says former pastor and community worker Alfred Ngaro.

"But what ideas do we have? Guys start talking and we learn from each other."

While the group can refer dads to other service providers, if required, the idea is that other dads in the group will be the first point of contact for advice.

Mr Ngaro says research shows relating to other parents is key to your own parenting.

"This isn't a workshop to tell you how to be better dads," the father-of-four says.

Instead, the group aims to be a platform where men can discuss fathers' issues and bounce ideas off each other.

"We want to balance it out so it's not just about referring to a service but first of all to family members and friends," he says.

Mr Ngaro, Glen Innes police youth development programme manager Jack Scanlan and Glen Innes Family Centre manager Chris Makoare were all involved in the Tamaki Parenting Network, a collective of different parenting groups in the Tamaki area, when they decided to start Just 4 Dads.

Mr Scanlan says most of the youth offenders he sees in his role with the police come from homes where fathers are absent or don't have an active parenting role.

He hopes the group, which is open to all, and is not exclusively just for dads, will help fathers wanting to become more involved in their children's lives.

The group will also point men in the right direction when it comes to their legal rights, anger management and family counselling – a lot of which the Glen Innes Family Centre can assist with.

Mr Ngaro, Mr Scanlan and Mr Makoare have been meeting regularly with other dads in the area and last month the group organised their first Just 4 Dads event, where more than 160 dads, mums and children went to a Warriors game together.

"Because we all went together and we were all wearing the same t-shirts we went as one family," Mr Scanlan says.

"It was a really good vibe."

Mr Ngaro says the trip demonstrated their unique approach.

"We didn't just talk fathering – we did fathering," he says.

"It's a multiple way of learning, not just sitting down."

Before the game, Mr Ngaro asked each dad to decide what is the most powerful thing they could say to their children and asked the children what is the best thing their dads could say to them.

"The most common thing was: `For dad to tell me he loves me, he's proud of me'," Mr Ngaro says.

"I never heard my dad say: `I love you', but I learnt he loved me in other ways. But now we're in another generation where words have become far more important."

Mr Ngaro says sometimes people don't realise the power of their words.

He's constantly telling his kids that he loves them.

"Now it's just the common thing," he says.

To find out more about Just 4 Dads contact the Glen Innes Family Centre on 570-6250 or email admin@gifc.co.nz.

- © Fairfax NZ News