Tiny voices - cries from the heart

"I cried when I read your column – Tiny voices from the grave – I’ve cut it out and stuck it on my fridge to remind me to pray for the children of New Zealand and to always say something if I see abuse.

"We all know most of those kids were Maori. I am Maori but I have never put my kids in a dryer, beaten them or made them eat dog poos.

"Not all Maori families treat their kids like this, but some do. I was loved and cherished, clothed and fed, cuddled and kissed and so was my sister.

"I saw my cousin on TV last year. He had done some terrible things and he’s in jail now. He lived half a mile from me when we were growing up. We were the same age. His parents used to beat him, and do other things too I’m sure. I think he even lived in a shed away from the family or under the house.

"I don’t know why they hated him. He barely spoke while his siblings were just normal kids, laughing and playing. My parents knew but they never did anything.

"Just too afraid of what? People would say stuff about them? My uncle would get angry? What about my poor little cousin? When he went to jail last year his family disowned him. I bet he wished he could have disowned them 30 years ago.

"Legislators can do their thing but it’s the everyday stuff the people of New Zealand see that we need to speak up about. If my parents had intervened 30 years ago a little boy could have been saved from a life of misery and the cycle may not have continued. What are we so afraid of? Do we really think these people will ‘retaliate’?

"We need to get over the tall poppy, don’t stick your neck out, bottom of the world, rejection crap that we hide behind, and wake up. The reality is that children are being tortured and killed in this country and it’s a bloody crime.

"Come on New Zealand. Wake up. Speak up." – Name withheld by request

From a bulging mailbag, enough to have filled six pages like this one. That’s why a number have been abridged:

• From Karen Goa: "I’m sure I’m not the only reader to shed tears over your column. Here is an email I’ve sent to Simon Power, the new Justice Minister. Thank you for giving me the impetus to act:

‘Dear Simon Power: The time is now – not in 100 days, or months or years – to take immediate action to stop New Zealand’s children being murdered by their families. Each and every one of these stories is so sickening it stains New Zealand society a little darker each time.

‘Pat Booth in his heart-breaking column has called for you to act. What are you going to do? New Zealanders are sick of hearing about this study or that committee. Make the hard decisions now.

‘Families who close ranks when a child is tortured – because that’s what it is – should be held in jail on suspicion until someone tells the truth. Outlaw gangs, crack down on P, immediately change the law to get P ingredients out of reach and the hands of criminals, admit that Jenny Shipley’s cafe culture is not New Zealand’s culture and that binge drinking and drunken 12-year-olds are in good measure related to the lowered drinking age. Raise it again.

‘New Zealanders are sick at heart and fed up with these disgusting tales. If this National government wants to prove they are any different from the last nine years, show some mettle and make changes now. Don’t wait for more dead babies’."

• From one who knows – a parent who has abused her child, a woman who has been violently and emotionally abused:

"Unfortunately, at one time in my life I was living a survivor’s life. Family and society did not want to know my pain. Friends were always concerned, but could not help me.

"While the essence of my human existence was being stolen from me – spiritually, mentally and physically – I was taking my sense of injustice out on my ‘Number One Son’. Experiencing this abuse and also feeling marginalised as a human by society, I believed I had lost my self-worth.

"In that state, the fight to rescue the dignity being slowly stripped from me was what led me to those times of uncontrollable rage, which I took out on my child.

"Gratefully, I’ve since found my peace within. I searched and found the memories in my life, of being cherished and receiving the unconditional love by my elders. In shock at my behaviour, I was blessed to find the love for my children’s lives and my own, once again.

"They are my treasures and became my reason to live. I’ll always remember though, that the mission to find a safe haven was easier than trying to get the ongoing support I needed.

"No one wanted to know. Victim Support was short and sweet ... I searched high and low for support and respite. Instead, I sought education in human behaviour, counselling, our social construction and haven’t stopped learning, so I could counsel my own children and start our own path to recovery.

"I may be proud to have stopped any generational abuse from continuing, but I still regret those days and the pain experienced.

"I’ve long since sought forgiveness from the son I used to abuse. Unfortunately, he re-encountered the trauma of violence again in his teens. He physically saved me from being murdered by his father who, after 13 years apart, suddenly attacked me during a visit.

"Obviously, he still suffers the wounds of his past, as will my son be scarred by his experiences. But I teach forgiveness even though his father got all the attention from the system. As usual, my children and I supported ourselves and one another. We needed to."

• From Deanna Johnston: "Tonight in the comfort of my home, sitting next to my wonderful husband and while my two beautiful boys sleep peacefully in their beds, I read your column.

"I am sickened and so immensely saddened for those robbed of their lives. The names are all familiar, as are the stinging tears I have cried as far back as when I first learned of the dear Delcelia. Without a doubt, most definitely yes, putting an end to this madness must be our highest priority. And so how, what can we do I ask my husband.

"In the meantime, we shall write to our new justice minister for his next steps. Recently I put my name with several hundred others to an email petition in support of raising such consciousness. But what next? In the time before you receive this email there may surely be some other dear life out there hurt. Please let us all do something. Let’s honour those tiny voices."

• From Henry Perkins, Howick: "Congratulations on another exceptional piece from you. In the names of the 16 victims and/or their killers you listed, two appear to be European, no Chinese, no Pacific Islanders and 14 Maori. Who is prepared to say to hell with political correctness and name the ethnic background of the vast majority of child killers in our midst?"

• From another survivor:

"There are no excuses for abuse especially to innocent children. Children cry, children get sick, children wet their pants, children make mistakes. But that’s children – children who can’t defend themselves, children who can’t tell you how they are feeling so they cry, children who can’t help getting sick.

"It is hard to tell people. I know this because I was a victim of abuse. I did tell someone who, in turn, told my birth mum who was also abusing me. She marched me up to one of the abusers, told him what I’d said to my friend, and then told him: ‘If you want to give her a hiding – be my guest’."

• More from the mailbag next week.

- © Fairfax NZ News