Stressed parents find relief at trust

BY CAROLYN THOMAS

A once stressed west Auckland mum now enjoys precious moments with family a lot more thanks to a Parent Trust programme.

"I used to yell and scream and get angry all the time," Susan, not her real name, says.

"I’d be driving home from work and thinking I’m not going to yell today but the minute they got in the car that would be it."

The mother of three, who wants to remain anonymous, didn’t understand where her "almost uncontrollable" yelling came from or where to find help.

The solo parent, who works fulltime, was told about the trust’s eight-week parenting programme by a counsellor.

"You learn techniques to change potentially stressful moments into calm moments. Time out, have a coffee, take a deep breath."

Participants are encouraged to do more than one course.

Susan never hit her kids but says the irrational yelling went on for years.

"You’re afraid to tell people because you’re considered a bad mother if you get reported."

Susan had no hesitation starting the programme and says the effect was immediate. Cutting people from her life who had added to the stress also helped.

"I feel quite calm now. I give my kids what they need from me as a mother."

She says learning to separate stress from her parental duties was invaluable.

"I still have my moments – they are children. But the thing is I now realise exactly that – they are only children."

She says many parents have similar problems and urges them to complete the course. She says it’s vital to have happy moments with your children.

"We are creating good memories and we didn’t have those before."

Group therapist Cushla Clark, who was a stressed parent too, agrees.

"If you’ve got to the stage when you’re not having any enjoyable or rewarding moments with your kids, then you’ve go to do something about it."

Ms Clark says being a stressed parent can take all sorts of forms and is hard to admit. And there is a false perception that parenting comes naturally to everyone.

"All other jobs have training but the biggest job of parenting doesn’t."

She says it takes courage to come along but it’s worth it. "The biggest thing a parent can do is improve relationships with their children."

Call 376-0400 to enrol or visit www.parenttrust.org.nz for information. Parent Trust’s next west Auckland programme starts this Friday in Henderson.

- © Fairfax NZ News