An amateur's guide to dealing with fame

OPINION: Fame is meant to be the most delightful thing that can happen to you - well, kids believe that - but the death of Pauly Fuemana this week points to the downside of orbiting the paparazzi pages.

Dead at 40, the South Auckland onetime star wound up bankrupt after earning well over $1 million from one song alone, leaving five kids and a wife bereft after his all-to-nothing ride.

Something his brother said conveyed a touch of both pathos and an unwillingness to accept reality. "He went from nothing to having all this fame dumped on him and he was meant to cope with it all himself," said Tony Fuemana, as if a doubly bad thing had happened. And yes, that would be what would happen, and at the same time it's what happens to us all.

We have to cope with life all on our own, winners and losers, and in this case one-hit wonders included. It's tough, and rotten, and not fair, but there it is.

I mean no disrespect. How Bizarre was a memorable hit, and to have one great hit in a lifetime is what millions only dream of.

On top of that, Fuemana was a fantastic-looking guy at the peak of his fame - exotic, cool, looking infinitely more sophisticated than he evidently was.

But there is no guidebook on coping with fame and great success, as a bunch of other reports this week confirm. Some helpful advice to the world is in order.

1) When sudden wealth strikes, do not do as Fuemana did and gift your broke siblings flash cars to drive around in. Something Japanese, boring and reliable will do. And "lend" no money to cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents, neighbours and sudden best friends, which, for all I know, Fuemana did as well.

Unearned money is seldom appreciated and slips away quicker than suds down a plughole, gratitude along with it.

2) When ultra rich and ageing, don't do as former Brierley's hotshot Herman Rockefeller did, and join swingers' networks. The 52-year-old's body was found in a junk-strewn Melbourne backyard this week, and his family is now having to face up to his double life even as they grieve.

At his age, a successful property investor should have better things to think about than other men's paunchy wives simpering on satin sheets in suburbia by the flickering light of a scented candle. Good grief, everyone should have something better to think about than that.

3) When pretty, a little dim, and still a girlish romantic, do not do as Princess Diana did, and marry into the British royal family. Least of all, don't make it a "German" family, as she reportedly described it to her divorce lawyer, who includes his shrewd impressions of her in a just- published book. It just won't work out in the end.

4) When young, attractive and alive, avoid hanging out with charismatic druggies such as seedy pop star Pete Doherty, former boyfriend of Kate Moss, constant wearer of funny little hats, and recent friend of a few dead people in his network.

The latest is a beautiful young female film-maker from a privileged background who's just been found dead in the flat of one of Doherty's close friends.

Doherty, says another of his friends, is one for putting "a grand's worth of heroin on the table at get- togethers and telling people to help themselves".

He has 22 drug convictions, and was recently fined a risible amount for having a bunch of heroin fall out of his coat pocket in a courtroom.

Be forewarned that such charmed individuals, and there are lots of them around, always emerge miraculously unscathed from corrupting all around them. They mean you no good.

5) Do not do as American politician John Edwards, a recent vice-presidential hopeful did, and cultivate a wholesome John-boy image while fathering an illegitimate child on the side.

Yes, the temptations are great when young women will hurtle with no undies on at a married man, but - here's a gentle hint - it's an especially crappy look when you have a wife with cancer.

6) Further, do not call the mother of your illegitimate daughter a "crazy slut", do not allow sex tapes of yourself to be made with her (actually, who's crazy here?) and don't call the truth about your hypocritical philandering "tabloid trash". Not even if you're a lawyer.

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