I've a bone to pick with you

By LINLEY BONIFACE

Let me start this column with an Alcoholics Anonymous-style confession. My name is Linley Boniface, and I am a dog owner.

This is an increasingly brave admission to make in Wellington, which can now safely be called the least dog-friendly city in New Zealand. Buying a dog didn't used to be considered particularly anti-social, but in recent years dog owners have been put in the same category as other types of weirdos who hang around trees in parks. In Wellington, this process is fostered not by media scare stories but by a local authority that is extraordinarily punitive toward dog owners.

There are clearly many appalling people out there who should not be allowed to own a dog, just as there are many appalling people out there who should not be allowed to drive a car. But while drivers are assumed to be responsible until proven otherwise, Wellington City Council assumes all dogs are dangerous and all dog owners are stupid.

The key to raising a happy, well-adjusted dog without behavioural problems is to give it lots of exercise. Any city hoping to control its dog population will recognise this and plan for dog- walkers, just as it plans for cyclists, runners, and people with prams or wheelchairs.

Wellington's attitude, conversely, is to make it virtually impossible for owners to exercise their dogs properly without breaking the law. Dogs are, according to the council's dog policy, "welcome on city streets". Really? Actually, no; they're banned in the central city between 8am and 6pm.

Then there are dog exercise areas. Many small towns in New Zealand provide pleasant, well- maintained areas where dogs can be walked without bothering other people. Wellington's exercise areas, however, are on sections of wasteland so remote and uninhabitable that I doubt crack dealers would be prepared to set up operations there.

Wellington's dog exercise areas are unlit, which makes them unsafe, and largely unfenced.

The council has removed many rubbish bins in parks as a cost-cutting measure, and it refuses to supply dog poo bins on the risible grounds that they are difficult to maintain – even though other cities don't have any problem providing them. As a result, I spend about 45 minutes each day with a bag of warm poo in my hand (actually, it's not the poo part that gets to me – it's the warmth).

Everyone hates dog owners who don't clear up after their pets, but Wellingtonians should be aware that the council makes the problem much worse. My only nearby dog exercise area – an old landfill – becomes a mudbath in winter, so many local dog owners instead let their dogs run off-lead in the old, unused part of the local cemetery.

This has clearly outraged the council, which in recent months has had undercover dog control officers popping up from behind gravestones to reprimand dog owners and, on occasion, sting them with $300 fines.

What do dog owners pay for the privilege of being treated with such contempt? The highest dog registration fees in the country. And naturally, it's spent on dog control rather than facilities. In Wellington, 75 per cent of the cost of compliance with dog control laws is generated by registration fees; elsewhere, it's as low as 25 per cent. By bunging the council an extra $50, owners can apply for Responsible Dog Owner status – a typically patronising term, but one that comes with reduced fees. I've lost my Responsible Dog Owner status because I was three days late paying my registration fee last year. About 200 other owners were also stripped of their status last year because they paid late: this makes it clear the fees structure is designed not to "reward good stewardship", as the council claims, but to generate revenue.

You'd think, from the way dog owners are treated, that Wellington has a massive problem with out-of-control dogs. A council spokeswoman told me that, in fact, it doesn't. Not only does it not have many rogue dogs, it doesn't have many dogs at all – only 8000 are registered, compared to 20,000 in Christchurch. This isn't surprising, considering how hard the council is working to discourage dog ownership.

While I will restrain myself from urging dog owners to leave their poo bags in front of Kerry Prendergast's apartment building, some form of militant action is clearly called for. Never mind dangerous dogs; I'm looking for someone to bite.