Cheesiest movie-related music video ever?

James Cameron killed the video star? Well, not really, but he aided and abetted.

Before The Abyss and Terminator, loooong before Avatar and Titanic, James Cameron had to make a living. One way was making cheesy music videos. (This is a blatant lie, obviously. The director only made the one and it was as a favour for a mate, but please allow me some poetic licence today - my car got rear-ended last night and I think I've got whiplash ... well my neck's achey, anyway. Thankfully, The Overlord was not in the car at the time.).

Since this music vid was made in the 1980s, you know that was some serious cheese Cameron was spreading. (Not as cheesy as The Star Wars Holiday Special but, you know, nothing in the known universe is.)

Never one to know the limits of his own budget or runtime (seriously, Avatar is a bum-numbing three hours and Titanic is even longer!), Cameron's 1988 music video for Martini Ranch's "famous" song Reach is over seven minutes long. Given that most songs are around the 3-to-4-minute mark, this is epic for any music video that doesn't star Michael Jackson.

For the curious, here it is in all its nonsensical, dusty, sexy cowgirl glory.

Those steeped in '80s movie trivia will notice cameos from Aliens stars Paul Reiser, the great Lance Henriksen (with a monkey), Mark Rolston, Jenette Goldstein and a random non-Aliens-related blink-and-miss-it cameo from Judge Reinhold. (Adrian Pasdar from Heroes is also in it but I couldn't figure out which one he was. I lost interest in Heroes a while back.)

And that main guy in the cowboy outfit reduced to his longjohns? Why, it's everyone's favourite Alien snack, Bill Paxton! Aka the main much-married Mormon in Big Love! Aka Chet from Weird Science! Aka the love interest (wotsisname) in Twister! Aka the third astronaut in Apollo 13!

My fave Paxton character would have to be that memorable meathead Pvt Hudson (pictured left): "Hey Ripley, don't worry. Me and my squad of ultimate badasses will protect you! Check it out! Independently targeting particle beam phalanx. Vwap! Fry half a city with this puppy. We got tactical smart missiles, phase-plasma pulse rifles, RPGs, we got sonic electronic ball breakers! We got nukes, we got knives, sharp sticks..."

In fact Martini Ranch is his band, back in the days when side projects were a bit of a novelty. Martini Ranch spawned one album and one "hit", namely the song: How Can the Labouring Man Find Time for Self-Culture? Ooo, look! There's Judge Reinhold again and Anthony Michael Hall and that guy from Top Gun and er, Michael Biehn?

What really makes this otherwise quite outstanding music vid stand out (in this year in particular), is the presence of Cameron's then wife (one of five) and current fellow contender for best director Oscar, Kathryn Bigelow, director of The Hurt Locker. 

(Incidentally, if she wins the Oscar, she'll be the first ever female director to do so - who says Hollywood is sexist? You can read more on the subject in this rather good Guardian feature: Why are there so few female filmmakers?)

In the Reach video, she plays the sassy leader of a band of female gunslingers who, at one point, hog-tie and burn Paxton's buttocks with a martini-shaped brand.  It is, remarkably, the only music video Cameron ever shot. Some have suggested that Jimbo could make a pretty nifty western if he weren't so busy expanding the dimensions of popular cinema (or retracting them, depending on your feelings about the use of 3D in Avatar).

So what's the cheesiest movie-related music video you've ever seen? (Include a link if you can, so we can see what you're on about.) I'm thinking the '80s will be a treasure trove for this stuff - you know, the likes of Against All Odds or Take My Breath Away, which were once so utterly romannic and now just seem a bit ...

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mcfist   #1   02:52 pm Feb 10 2010

Limp Bizkit's cover of Behind Blue Eyes.. was on the soundtrack to Gothika. Basically used as an excuse to force everyone watch Fred Durst to pash (yeah, I said pash) Halle Berry.

James   #2   03:20 pm Feb 10 2010

Thank you for directing me to that. It was, AMAZING.

Mac   #3   03:27 pm Feb 10 2010

It's gotta be Aerosmith from Armageddon http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vo_0UXRY_rY

or Bryan Adams from Robin Hood http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGoWtY_h4xo

chas   #4   04:13 pm Feb 10 2010

Try Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger" from "Rocky 65" (or something?). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI6r6APUwK0 The song always makes us think of sweaty boxing routines, but the guys in Survivor just don't look the part. The keyboard player even wears a jumper his mum knitted and looks like one of the other band member's aunties. Instead of looking like a bunch of tough, street savvy dudes, the band march down the road looking like a high-school chess club!

craig   #5   07:48 am Feb 11 2010

I dont know if its cheesy or just plain bad... but how bout Cyndi Laupers video fot the goonies... with Wrestlers no less. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kMi9tvuuZY

samm   #6   11:08 am Feb 11 2010

Big name directors doing music videos isn't unusual, and there are other videos longer than 7 minutes out there.

You've already mentioned Take My Breath away, so I'll nominate "Footloose" instead.

The Overlord's Overlord   #7   11:10 am Feb 11 2010

Either "Baby makes her blue jeans talk" (I think that's the title) from Dr Hook or "Safety Dance" from Men Without Hats.

Teeps   #8   10:57 am Feb 15 2010

Youve all got it wrong - the cheesiest musci video that will crack you up is Xanadu with Olivia Newton John and Andy Gibb - check out the roller skating - cheese that will make you laugh

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