Cool Kit's curtain

01:49pm 14 Jul 2009 3 comments

It's been a long time between posts and I'm sad to say that doesn't look likely to change in future.

My job is super-busy these days and there just isn't time any more to scour the internet for strange and cool stuff, make up devastatingly witty lists and haikus, or invent mathematical formulas about chocolate sprinkles. Instead of watching old Weird Al Yankovic videos, I'm exploring the infinite joys of spreadsheets.

Thanks to everyone for reading Cool Kit over the last two years. Maybe it'll return some day. Maybe it could be your blog - really, if you think you're the new me, email the blogs editor, Nick Barnett, and enclose some sample writing, lists, haikus, lists etc.

World's sexiest nerd

03:27pm 22 May 2009 23 comments

Stuff has a story today about IT nerds making the best lovers. Forgetting for a moment that being an IT worker doesn't necessarily make you a nerd (well, it pretty much does, but I meant not by definition), this raises an interesting point.

Just what is it about nerds that drives women crazy? And how can I bottle this substance and make a fortune?

It also raises a more urgent question - if we nerds are so gosh darn sexy, who's the gosh darn sexiest of the bunch? So I do what I always do when I had a critical issue - I make a list with lots of doodles on it.

I, of course, will recuse myself from the list, just to give the other guys a chance.

Bill Gates - He's got money, scads of philanthropic goodwill, and if he was being unfaithful at all I'm sure the nice people at Apple would have pointed it out. Plus he has all those dreamy sweaters.

Some olde tyme religion for the web

08:22am 12 May 2009 8 comments

It's a crazy, confusing internet out there, what with swine flu spam, endless offers to enlarge my manhood, whatever the hell these things are, and this weirdo (warning - this video is unforgettable for all the wrong reasons).

I think the internet has lost its way. But don't worry, I can help.

I'm going to help it find religion. If the internet is a porn-addicted, ADHD-suffering, reactionary oddball, I'm the missionary door knocker annoying it when it's hungover on Sunday morning.

With that in mind, I offer these patron saints of the internet.

Only I can stop this recession

01:30pm 10 Apr 2009 29 comments

I read the news today, and oh boy, we seem to be in some sort of recession here. Everyone seems really down about it too.

But it's time to turn those frowns sideways and see this recession as an opportunity. That's right, we can fix this recession thing if we just find lots of new things to tax.

Think about it - the government needs money, and people have lots of bad habits they'd be better off not having. It's just like the tax on petrol or cigarettes. Or Lotto.

Here are a few humble suggestions:

The "Fan Geek" Tax - People who line up for an hour to pay $30 for a signed photo of some guy who used to star in a science fiction TV show from the 80s even though the guy ends up spelling your goddamn name wrong on the photo goddamn it...where was I? Oh yeah, we shouldn't be encouraging this sort of thing, so I say make them all pay double. They'll do it, you know they will.

Test your geekiness

01:59pm 30 Mar 2009 11 comments

Are you a bigger geek than I am? Ha, you all got nothing on me. And you can prove it by taking this simple quiz.

And before anyone says anything, yes there really are correct answers to all the questions.

Click here to take the quiz.