Very well said, Kerry. Thanks for summing it up. Finally someone that gets it, that this is something we can do for those little children who can't defend themselves.

My mother was beaten by her father.When I was a child I got hidings.My kids (now in their 30's)were smacked.Hopefully each generation continues to find more alternatives to violence.What I find difficult to tolerate are the parents who are too timid to mete out discipline and irresponsible in that they don't set any boundaries at all.Theirs are the kids who run wild in public and who resolutely resist any attempts at control. There was even a DomPost cafe reviewer who mentioned that her local cafe put up with her two year old making a mess with the sugar on other tables...Parents need to be in control of their children,not the other way round. You mention that "I'm barely even a dad",but having read your blog these past months,and The Wife's the other day,I reckon you two have got it more right at this early stage than many others manage in years.He's a Lucky Boy.

What an excellent blog. Of course, in an ideal world we wouldn't need the child disicpline law. But for generations children have been on the receiving end of physical punishments ranging from the so-called "loving smack" to the bash. The fact that our law and our society has tolerated that violence against children has left them vulnerable to abuse. The old law also meant children were the only group in our society who could be assaulted and there was a legal defence for doing so. I think the child discipline law is an important part of us, and generations of parent to come, recognising there are more effective and safer ways to discipline our children. Times are changing and we need to take notice of what is now known about infant and child development. Hitting them can be harmful ... and at the very least it certainly does no good!

I think most of this is spot on, but a couple of quibbles.

"...a light smack on the bottom to stop him throwing a tantrum, and that would be enough" Tantrums are attention seeking, and smacking gives them attention. The best way to deal with tantrums is to ignore them - staunchly, if you give in the kid has won. Ignore them, and go and do something that draws the child away from there paddy, like play with their toys and welcome them when they stop their fuss and come and join them. That not only stops the tantrum in action but stops them from recurring.

"I know where to draw the line, when to stop. But bad parents don't." And parents who are usually good parents have trouble with where the line is when they are stressed, tired, lose their cool. If "light" (ie ineffectual) smacking is a habit then there is a real danger of it escalating when they lose there temper.

I think the fear of being spanked as a child was enough to make me behave. My sister got spanked once and I swore I would never do anything to make my parents mad afterwards! That said, there are more effective ways of disciplining children, my parents just didn't know about them. I think that it's the government's responsibility to help educate parents on alternative ways of doing things. If there's going to be a law about smacking, well there had better be education to help parents with discipline or smacking will be done where other people can't see it and could potentially be worse than before.

Thank you, this blog is very well written and expresses a lot of points I have been too frustrated and flustered to state myself - I think I will send this to a few friends I know are considering voting 'no.'

@ Amanda - I agree. The money spent on this referendum could pay for thousands of parenting courses teaching other disciplinary measures.

To all of your points I agree. Having said that, I find it hard to believe that a law will prevent cases like Nia, Lilly-Bing and all the others.

We have laws against drink-driving, drugs, theft, and everything else that's illegal. Does this stop people who were never going to be "good"? No. They continue to do things that are illegal. The same is true for the "anti-smacking" law. Yes, it may stop some people who are on the border - they may have lost their temper and gone overboard. It isn't, however, going to stop those people who don't care about the law.

I've always believed that the best way to prevent the sort of cases we've seen is education. My mother occasionally smacked us, only when we were absolutely horrid, and she recently said to me that she wishes she had known a better way of doing things. How can you expect people to change if you don't give them another way of dealing with a situation?

We don't expect smokers to give up all by themselves - they are taught coping mechanisms - why can't we do the same for disciplining for your child?

I agree with Gnome. I dont believe this law will ever stop the disgusting cases of child abuse from happening.

But for me who is only been a dad for 6 months I wonder what people think when I am trying to burp my boy. He can quite often have trouble bring hs wind up. Sometimes it can be real pain ful for him and he starts to squirm. He doesnt crey the is no red mark from where i have been trying to burp him, but to someone else like maybe a cop in public this might be enough for them to step in and help. Those are the things that worry me.

@Twinsdad...I actually thought about that last night, as I burped the boy. But I doubt anyone would confuse burping with whacking, surely not enough to actually call the cops, and for the cops to act. I'd like to think that fear is unfounded. But I guess once the politicians get involved, you never know...

Kerry, you've done the best media commentary on this subject I have seen yet. You've done a good job because you have spoken from the heart, but you haven't let your heart overrule your mind. That's hard to do because it's a very emotional issue. Having been smacked (pretty damn hard) as a child, and remembering the bewilderment and hurt to this day, I will never smack my little girl, ever. Very balanced writing. Well done.