What I want the boy to be

BY KERRY WILLIAMSON

I have no firm ideas on who I want the boy to be when he grows up.

I would rather let him find himself through discovery, imagination, creativity.

And I would rather he figures things out for himself through his own experiences, both good and bad.

I don't want to be one of those parents that moulds their kid into their own image, or into an image they want their son or daughter to portray. I want my boy to be his own boy, whoever that is.

That said, there are some things I want him to be.

I want him to grow up with a healthy dose of respect for those around him. I don't want him to be a brat.

I don't want him to be a yes-man either. I hope to teach him to challenge and to question, and to form his own opinions after weighing things up himself.

Respect is important though. He'll need to learn that early.

I want him to love the outdoors. I want him to be able to find beauty in the mountains, or enjoy solitude in the back country. I want him to love being out there, in the wilds, in nature.

I don't want him to be one of those kids who spends his days in a darkened room playing on his computer or sitting in front of the television, hooked into his Playstation.

There's a time and a place for those things, and it's not on a glorious sunny day. Those are days for backyard cricket, horse-riding, a game of touch, or a hike in the bush.

I want him to have a love of culture, of books, of music and of art. He doesn't need to be a renaissance man-child, but I hope to instil in him my love of reading, of writing and of getting down and dirty to some swampy blues.

If he chooses to be a fan of his generation's equivalent of the Back Street Boys, well, fine. Just so long as he gives Andrew Bird and his ilk a chance.

I want him to question authority, but I don't want him to get arrested. I want him to have a healthy dose of cynicism, but I don't want him to be bitter. And the longer he stays innocent and embraces the naivety of children, the better.

I want him to be a good friend. I want him to have a good group of mates who he can hang out with. I don't want him to be a bully or a jerk and I don't want him to be a loner.

He can be independent, and it's cool if he wants to be by himself now and then, but a kid needs pals.

I want him to laugh a lot. I know that seems an obvious one, but there's a lot of kids out there who rarely laugh at all.

I want him to celebrate craziness, to find the fun in everything, and to not be embarrassed to be an idiot now and then.

If he's anything like his Nana, then he'll be fine.

I want him to love his Mum. Anything less than absolute and total love won't do. I won't have him thinking less of her, even when he becomes an insolent, self-indulgent teenager.

His Mum is amazing and he needs to celebrate that. He can tease the heck out of his old man if he wants - I'll likely deserve it - but his Mum is to be put on a pedestal.

I want him to love to travel, and I don't want him to be a stick-in-the-mud. I've seen a lot of the world - I've ticked off more than 20 countries and I have plans for more. I wouldn't swap those experiences for anything, and I want the boy to share that sense of adventure.

I will expect a postcard from each one though, and he'd better let his parents know where he is.

I want him to love sports. I don't care too much if he's no good at them, but I want him to enjoy them, both as a participant and a fan. I want him to have his favourite teams, and I'll let him paint his bedroom Chelsea blue if he wants.

I want him to know the thrill of winning and the abject disappointment of losing. I've already found a soccer league that takes kids as soon as they turn one. It could be the start of a glorious career.

I want him to try whatever he wants to try, within reason. If he wants to grow his hair long, that's cool. If he wants to join the monastery, that's fine. If he wants to become a ballerina, I'm OK with that.

I also want him to know that whatever he does, we'll be there for him, no matter what. Even if he needs bail money - but he can expect a lecture in return.

It's not much of a list, it will likely change, and I'm open to suggestions. The boy's not even eight months old yet, and he's not about to board a slow boat to China or pick up a hockey stick anytime soon.

As a rookie parent, though, I think about these things. Most of the time is spent in the now, absolutely. There are nappies to change, toys to pick up, a snotty nose to wipe, baths to be poured.

But the boy also has a future in front of him, a huge blank canvas of possibilities. Sometimes I like to think how he's going to paint it.