The selfish bonuses of being a dad

BY KERRY WILLIAMSON

There are good things about being a dad.

And then there are good things about being a man who just happens to be a dad.

For example, being a dad means you treasure those moments when you sneak into your child's room to watch them sleep and your kid gives you a smile.

But being a man who just happens to be a dad provides other pleasures. Like taking the boy to the supermarket and being ogled by pretty women.

Trust me, it happens. The dad side of you doesn't really notice - he's looking for nappies in aisle two and hopes there's a special on formula.

But the man side ... well, he definitely notices. He can see the clucky females from several aisles away. And while he's happily married, he still revels in the ego boost such a moment provides.

There are other moments too, which the dad doesn't necessarily notice but the man definitely celebrates.

Take the supermarket again. As a man, I like to find that car park right outside the front doors, the primal car park coveted by all hunter-gatherer males.

Well, when you're a dad, that car park is all yours. I went to Thorndon New World on Saturday and watched other males circling.

Around and around they went, waiting for a park near the doors to open up. They were like vultures circling the corpse of a wildebeest.

But I didn't need to join the procession doing laps around the parking lot. I simply pulled into one of the parent parks right in front of the store, the ones with the pram painted on the tarseal.

It was pretty awesome. The dad side of me didn't give it much thought - again, he was wondering what sort of deals there might be on baby food.

But the man side sure noticed. He got out of the car, puffed out his chest, laughed at all the suckers still circling, and soaked up the gravitas of the moment. A car park out front - a rare prize indeed.

The man in me has discovered there are quite a few other benefits to being a dad, all purely selfish, but all oh so satisfying.

Take restaurants. Now, most men I know hate waiting for their meals. That means small-talk and uncomfortable silences as we wait to be fed.

We want food and we want it now. It's that primal thing again.

Well, when you've got a kid in tow, it's incredible how quickly you get your meals. You order and bingo, 10 minutes later you're tucking into a hearty steak.

The last thing a cafe owner, stressed out chef or frazzled waiter needs is a crying baby disturbing the ambience of their fine establishment.

So, when they see someone with a kid, they make sure they are in and out as quickly as possible. You get your steak fast and rare and just like that, you're out of there. All men should be so lucky.

Another manly benefit of being a dad is you now get to hang out in toy stores without it being kinda creepy.

I spent an hour in Toyworld on Saturday, mainly in the Star Wars section.

If I had have done that a year ago, I would have felt more than a little weird. Dudes shouldn't hang out in toy stores - there's just something not quite right about it.

But now it's all good. As long as I've got my boy in my arms, the toy store is my domain.

I can walk into a store and play with the slot-car sets and nobody pays me any attention. The boy might not yet know the difference between a light sabre and the Death Star, but I can relive my childhood and nobody looks at me oddly.

Being a man who just happens to be a dad also gives you an elevated level of respectability. For some reason, you are on a par with the guy who always catches the biggest fish, the guy with the decked out toolshed or the guy with the cool car.

Being a dad means people see you in a different light. You are considered wiser, worldlier, a better man. I don't quite understand it, but I'll take whatever respect I can get.

Yes, being a dad is great, but being a man who just happens to be a dad is special too, in its manly, testosterone-fuelled way.

- © Fairfax NZ News