Not sure about guys views really, but I know with my group of girlfriends it is generally a no go unless a lot of time has passed and the friend whose ex it is, is ok with it.

If I broke up with someone and my bestie hooked up with them straight away (most likely behind my back) I would be pretty hacked off. This happened to me when I was 15 and I remember being horrified! As they were 15 it didn't last, but then they got back together when 26 and are now married with kids. By the time we were 26 though I didn't give a rats about it and am happy for them now!

So time is the answer I think. I also think it doesn't hurt to have a chat with your mate prior to pursuing anything to keep things out in the open. It only tends to be a huge issue when sneaking around is involved.

I think it is plausible, having had friends get involved with exes. I think, though, that their is a line that shouldn't be crossed. A really close friend getting together with the love of your life or the one that got away is definately crossing the line.

Anyone is more than free to date my ex, in fact hes been begging me to set him up with my more attractive friends for years to which I say no, all my friends hate him, they hated him when we were together too which I knew about but ignored.

I think the biggest thing about dating a friend's ex is knowing both sides of how it all ended, some outcomes are better than others for example they just sort of drifted apart and called in quits vs someone cheated on someone. The more anger there is (anger lasts for a long time in some cases) the more likely it is to stress or totally screw up your friendship. Also if you're a girl then its almost certain that you've been on the receiving end of your friends boasts, sobs, tales of sexpolits etc involving this guy you're into and I would imagine it would be hard not to bring up.

Its not something I would do myself for just a guy I slightly fancy and if I more than slightly fancy him then odds are its going to seriously damage my friendship with a friend so I wouldn't do it but I can understand circumstances where you might.

My mister and his ex were one of those off-and-on types for about.. what.. four-five years? Which is a little awkward, as she's still in our group of friends.

And I'm the one who broke them up (without the intentions of getting with him, mind.) when he and I moved into a flat together with friends.

..and then he fell for me, and pursued me for a year. I rejected him.

...and now we're dating. And she thought it'd be a good idea to text him and say "Don't tell Courtney, but I think it's weird when she talks about you." Yes, well, I think it's weird when you text my boyfriend saying don't tell me.

On the plus side, he immediately came home and told me. :)

But eh, we all party together and it's fine. She behaves around him a little weird, but I know where we stand together so I don't worry. If anything, when girls hit on him it's like a compliment for me!

This is a great topic. While initially I personally have never been in support of any of my friends dating someone that I had previously been in love with, however I do believe in true love and if my friend and my ex found that together and you can see it in the way they treat each other then it is definitely a case of getting over the unwritten rule. If it was a case of them just having a casual relationship I would be pretty upset with that friend and feel betrayed. But I am all for true love and at the end of the day want those people most important to me to be happy.

I was about to comment that to me, this is a black and white situation. Don't go there. Ever.

But then I started thinking about times that it might be ok- if the mate was more an acquaintance than your best friend in the first place it could be acceptable. Or if the original couple had only been together for a few weeks, and it's many years later.

Generally I think that it's wrong to date a friend's ex if you were close friends with both while they were together. That will leave your friend wondering whether you had feelings for the ex the entire time, if you started things before they ended them, etc etc.

Mainly I definitely agree Greer that honesty is the best policy in this situation. And do unto others as you'd have them do unto you- there are some exes I'd be ok with my friends dating if they came to me first, but never ok with if they snuck around behind my back.

It all really depends on the people involved. Some are mature enough to deal with it. Others not so much. Some will automatically accuse the new couple of cheating prior to the breakup but that is, a lot of the time at least, to cover their own faults and lay the blame firmly on someone other than themselves.

Morning Greer,

Hmmm. A hard one, if you think/suspect you are truly madly deeply with your friends ex, then yes. I think you should go for it. Sometimes it happens, right person, wrong situation. I'd agree with what you've said though it's a situation that needs to be treated with a high degree of sympathy and care.

No matter what, from what I've seen of it happening with friends of mine, I think as long as you really care for each other and your friend then things can be worked out. Especially if the friend/ex break-up was mutual. Never going to be an easy situation though and all the baggage there would be a good reason to take it slow I'd suspect.

I have always used the unwritten law of not going there. Whether they girls are still friends or not. Makes it too hard. I found it hard when I moved over here and got together with my partner, that every one I met had slept with him. (How we got together is another long story that covers alot of your blogs Greer).

Y and X went out for nearly 3 years. Now me and Y are together, and have been together for over 2 and a half years. Oh, I used to be friends with X..

Not that I should have to justify my relationship to anyone, I think 1. I did not know either of them while they were going out. 2. My partner and I started "going around together" a year after him and his ex/my "friend" broke up. 3. Me and said friend had only been friends for a few months.

I didn't ask her permission to date him, why should I? They weren't together anymore it wasn't going to directly affect her. She was the one who broke up with him to be with someone else. Turns out she changes friends as much as she changes her underwear anyways.

I don't really give a sh*t what anyone says/thinks about my relationship with my man, 'cause at the end of the day we both are more than happy and that's all that matters.