Does he have any other FWB? or is this an exclusive FWB thing? Otherwise its more like he has a girlfriend without having to put in any leg work or effort so to speak.

I think FWB should be like greer says its about the sex and nothing more than the sex, in fact I only ever do this with people I find very physically appealing but otherwise do nothing for me which generally takes care of the no strings bit.. its not that I don't like them as such its more like they do nothing for me as a person but the sex is good, there also seems to be a bit of a time limit before either party gets sick of the arrangement or finds something more permanent between three and six months.. so I'd say after ten months then you must at least like him a bit and if he has in fact repeatedly asked you out then you should either say yes or move on and put the poor fellow out of his misery.

I mean if hes going to ask you out repeatedly then he must really like you especially if you've kept up the rumpy pumpy then he must really like you a lot or he would have disappeared after the rejection.

It is a tricky one to define. When I was talking to my mum about it, she brought her more old fashioned perspective to it and argues that basically any relationship is 'friends with benefits', if you define that strickly in terms of what the phrase says. If you look at it literally, the phrase includes 'friends', which can mean talking to each other, hanging out outside the bedroom, going to the movies, ect. The benefits part is just that you get to have sex with this friend of yours. My mum's point of view is that any partner is your friend, and as you are having sex then technically you are 'friends with benefits' but you are in a relationship. An ok way to look at it except for two things. Firstly, friends with benefits in my mind doesn't carry any commitment and may not be exclusive. Also, as Greer said, what 'friends with benefits' actually means these days is something different than what the title suggests. Although the definition Greer provided seems to me to exlcude any notion of friendship whatsoever...

In terms of C, I would say not to get too hung up on defining things. It can often get in the way and just confuse things. As long as you both know what you are there for, what you expect from the other person, ie exclusivity or not, and what the future holds, why does it need a name? The main thing is to be honest and open with each other (is it just me or does that seem to be the answer to most Ask Greer's?). In terms of not wanting to ruin the friendship though, by the sounds of it you have already crossed the line. He seems to be really in to you and is probably already quite hurt that you have turned him down more than once. When whatever you have does end I do think he will be hurt and I don't think the friendship will survive (of course this is all going on a very slim snapshot of how things are - they coudl be different in reality). If you are not into him enough to want to really be with him by now, chances are you never will be. The choice you have is to stay around and keep things going as they are, knowing that he will probably get more involved and possibly more upset when it ends, or end it now and probably lose him as a friend. It doesn't sound fun either way but you both deserve better.

I'm sorry but in my experience if you're not chomping at the bit to make things serious then there's obviously something holding you back. I've had a FWB situation which trundled on nicely without definition but despite thinking he was a great guy and a fantastic sh*g I didn't feel it in terms of a proper relationship. I think the desire to truly be with someone is something you generally have little control over, so if you're umming and ahhing over it then that tells me you don't really feel that way about him. The whole "not wanting him to be with others" could just as easily be a possesion thing and not relate to matters of the heart.

Morning Greer! TFGIF! This week has been loooooong. Stupid week.

@ 'C' Well, I think J-Ann and her Mum have summed it all up pretty nicely. I'll add that I've said it before and I'll say it again I just don't understand the whole FWB thing. However! I think it can ruin something nice if you rush to put labels on it so I understand your hesitation. I'm not a fan of labels myself.

Boundaries however are a whole different thing. In this case it sounds like he's a nice caring man, there's clearly chemistry, he's asked you out. I'm guessing from what you've said you've been hurt in the past which could also be part of your hesitancy but to have something amazing you HAVE to take risks. I know it's scary as anything.

Maybe a better question to ask yourself is why NOT go for it? You might get hurt, he might get hurt, it might work or it might not. This might be a truly madly deeply, but you'll only know if you try.

Think about this though, if your situations were reversed how long would you wait asking him out until you realised the other person wasn't going to change? I suggest 10 months is a long time for anyone to wait, don't regret NOT doing anything and losing someone great.

Happy FRIDAY everyone

Judging by "I like spending time with him, going out and I stay over at his house etc." you are already in a relationship. Congraulations.

i think, C, you are already in a 'relationship' perhaps you are using the dreded term the wrong way, a relationship doesnt need to be intense, difficult and time consuming. if you care about him, which it appears you do, and you have fun toegther, you do have a relationship, and proabably an enviable one as its effortless and your happy in it.

dont let the title throw awkward meaning into it. chances are he doesnt want to see you with anyone else either.

it wont stay like this forever tho, now that you've crossed the line one of you will want more or less eventually.

Can you ever go back to just friends? i would say the friendship as it was or may have been is lost already.

A male friend.....(who is now my boyfriend) said to me once years ago that guys never want to be 'just friends' with a girl, theres always an alterior interest

You can be hang out with someone and not be in a relationship with them. You can have sex with someone, and not be in a relationship with them. Once you're hanging out with them AND having sex with them, you pretty much are in an unofficial relationship with them.

I disagree with Greer's description of FWB - that is a booty call. FWB is where you are friends with someone, you can hang out, and you have the 'benefit' of being able to sleep together, with no strings attached. ie there must be no possessiveness, or hurt feelings - once you've got those then you stuffed it up. That's why it's called 'friends' (someone you like and hang out with) with 'benefits' ie nooky.

"But I don't want to lose him as a friend or hurt him for that matter" I just dont get it, how is it that a relationship can ruin a friendship but casual sex doesn't???

"He's asked me out a few times" Sounds like you are already on the path of hurting him

If you are more worried about their emotional connection with you than the regular root - then you are already in a relationship with him.

He would appear to want more. What's more important to you? The regular shag or the relationship?