Reasons it's good to be single: #10 - Creating yourself
BY GREER MCDONALDDo you like your own company? I mean, really like your own company? 
Could you sit at home and potter around the house for the weekend alone, or go out and do whatever you want alone, and go back to work on a Monday and not feel like the weekend was a complete waste because you didn't see, speak or interact with anyone - out of choice?
I have to say I think the very best thing about being single is finding out and creating who you are as a person.
And by this I mean you're not afraid of your own company.
Your self esteem is in check, you've had hours to analyse who you are as a person and you are happy with the final product.
You're a whole person, with a fulfilled life, ready - but not desperate - to share it with someone else.
You don't suffer from FOMO because being alone isn't the worst thing that could happen in one's day.
Now I know you're sitting there shaking your head thinking 'Stupid reason Greer, I already know myself' but seriously, do you?
Or more to the point, how can you know that for sure if you haven't had a relationship sabbatical of sorts?
Very few friends or family members of mine have had an extended period of time alone (and by that I mean six or more months without a relationship, and without being 'out on the prowl').
I kinda feel sorry for them. While they look at me thinking I'm a failure for not nailing down a man in the past three years, I look at them and think they're losing out on so much by only ever knowing themselves as a "we" rather than as a "me".
I don't deny that people in relationship are happy, and I know you don't have to experience something to know you won't like it, but singledom reaps so many more benefits than the 10 I've listed over the past weeks.
I subscribe to the saying that 'the race is long, and in the end it's only with yourself' - so the relationship you have with yourself simply has to be the most important one of all.
Unfortunately I don't think everyone agrees, or at least agrees enough to do something about it. Shame that.
I think my main point is: I've met a tonne of people who have regretted the time they spent ("wasted") in relationships, but I've never met someone who has regretted the time they spent single.
Because of this, I think singletons should start being a little bit more proud of their relationship status. It's not a disease after all.
Anyway, I hope you have, at least in part, enjoyed the series on why it's good to be single. I know some readers interpreted it incorrectly but like so many have also commented, I did this because sometimes being single is a little bit sh*t - and it always pays to look towards the positives. Plus, it was never meant as a serious reflection on life as we know it. Just a laugh.
Have you had a relationship "sabbatical" or do you jump from one to the next? Do you think you "know" yourself?
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I regret all the time as a singleton that I wasted on cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry.
I think you may have some internal confusion on this matter. There is a significant difference between being single, and being alone.
People in a relationship can experience 'alone' time. It depends on your relationship.
being in relationship where one partner wants to spend every bloody moment wih you, could lead one to wish one was single.
I personally think that as a species we are supposed to seek a mate. To deny this is counter intuative, and contray to evolution.
But having a mate, should not deny your need for 'alone' time every now and again.
I really REALLY like this reason Greer, this is the first time I've found myself nodding all the way through one of your 'good to be single' reasons (and realise this one was more serious than the others anyway).
I'm in the best relationship of my life right now and I think a lot of it is down to the fact that I took some 'me' time between relationships and actually dedicated time to finding out who "me" was - what I liked/disliked, what was important to me, how I felt about things. Now that I know who I am, I am a much better person in a relationship - before, I would always give in to my partner, to make them happy, which made me unhappy, which made us both unhappy! It seems so obvious now, but it definitely wasn't at the time.
Knowing yourself is SO important - in the end you are the only one that can make yourself truly happy, a partner can't do that.
(PS: My partner is also the best, most wonderful man in the world, and I give him a lot of credit for our awesome relationship)
I concur that time between relationships is healthy, and a great way to revaluate your priorities etc. However if being in a relationship stops you from being you, or even figuring out what that is, then I don't think it's a good relationship. A supportive, loving partner should give you the space to figure out what you want from life, and then support you as you strive for that. And they most definitely should NOT try to change you (unless you have a trait that is detrimental to your/other people's health and safety maybe).
"I've met a tonne of people who have regretted the time they spent ("wasted") in relationships, but I've never met someone who has regretted the time they spent single." - So true Greer! Someone once told me their theory that after you break up with someone you should stay single for the same length of time that you were in the relationship. Not sure about that - especially if you were in a 10 year relationship or something!
YES. I've been single for four months, and I don't think I have ever felt more like myself in my life. I took up sewing, French lessons and running after my last break up and took the "always say yes" approach to life (not to meet men, but just to get out there) and I've never been busier or happier. I do, of course, want a relationship one day, but I'm finding life so exciting at the moment and I feel like being really selfish and just concentrating on me.
"My partner is also the best, most wonderful man in the world".....Honey?
Actually mating doesn't necessarily having anything to do with relationships.. and Humans stopped playing by evolution's rules a long time ago.
I'm not sure men need to have sabbaticals as such (having barely developed after toilet training) but I can see why women can benefit from it, its a break to just explore yourself without the constraints of afore mentioned cleaning up after males laundry, ironing, cooking, cleaning, and currently being expected to have a career and a family at some point.
I find it quite amusing that there's already the 'haters' of this theory. I'm guessing they're people who haven't had those few months of purely 'me time'. It's not about alonetime or having space, it's about learning who you are and what you like/don't like, need/don't need. It's difficult to be comfortable in your own skin and it takes a long time to actually be happy with the person you are. Like they say, you can't expect anyone else to love you wholeheartedly if you don't completely love yourself.
Excellent blog Greer, I love your blogs and will miss this little series!!
This is one of the things I like about being single. I can be me, do things I want its nice to feel free, on the other hand there are times when it gets a bit lonely and I could do with a bit of company. Someone batting in my corner so to speak.
I have friends that just don't cope because they feel like failures and pretty much latch onto the first available member of the opposite sex that comes along, I can think of a guy I know right now who borders on depressed from being single and feels he is a failure without a girlfriend however he has been seeing a girl for six weeks who he says is really into him but hes admitted that hes really just hanging onto her until something better comes along. He has so far told me that shes too fat, too tall and not that pretty.. not exactly how you would act in the beginning of a relationship.. poor girl.