Ask Greer Friday: Is he a jerk?
BY GREER MCDONALDGG writes:
I've known this guy since the middle of this year, through a mutual friend. I thought he was pretty cute, but never acted on it. 
A couple of months went by and he started to show some interest. We hit it off instantly. We were both smitten and things were going incredibly well. We were in constant contact and couldn't get enough of each other.
Then, after four months, things changed and I couldn't and can't figure out why. It was like he hit a switch. He said he wanted to end what we had, but still wanted to be friends.
He said he felt things weren't going to work out and I was "90 per cent" the perfect girl for him, but he needed 100.
He then acted as if nothing was really different, like we were all matey, and carried on contacting me, all while it was still very raw and painful.
He also asked that I not sleep with anyone else, which I found a really bizarre thing to say.
My head's been spinning trying to figure out what happened and I can't come up with any decent answers. I think I'm even more confused because he was the one who made the first move.
So, is he being a jerk who wants to see if there's someone/thing better out there while having me on hold or is he just a confused guy who got scared by how quickly things were moving? It's crazy.
-----
Whoa, he's a jerk.
For "90 per cent" of your email I thought well, tough titties, he's just met someone new/isn't keen/lost his mojo... plenty more fish in the sea, yada yada.
But then when you said he asked that you not sleep with anyone else - WELL *grabs fan and starts waving in front of face*.
Jerk. Wants his cake and to eat it too (A saying I've never quite understood... but you know what I mean.)
I think the main thing is to resist over-analysing this. He's made his feelings pretty clear (he said he wants to end it - believe it) so it's done.
The worst thing you can do is play second fiddle and wait for him to "rediscover" how amazing you are.
Just think, when you meet the right guy, he wouldn't ever, ever make you doubt that you were anything but perfect for him - would he?
Don't waste your time nitpicking where it went wrong, what coulda/shoulda/mighta happened.
He's gone - and you're better off for it. Now get out there and get happy.
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ROFLMAO... You dodged a bullet with this one. If he's got you measured out to a percentage of "perfect" you want to be as far away from him as possible.
Time to start telling all his friends that he's got a tiny wang and give thanks that you didn't get more involved.
Here here - whatever his real reasons are, what he said to you was insensitive and expecting you not to move on even though you're "not 100% right for him" is just plain laughable. Move on girly, don't have any contact with him if it makes it easier to recover, and don't EVER let anyone tell you you're not good enough for them.
Humph!
"He also asked that I not sleep with anyone else, which I found a really bizarre thing to say." He's sleeping with someone else but is applying the typical jerk double standard while he figures out if option B is a better one or not.
Run away. Run far far away.
Yes sorry GG hes a jerk... actually I could think of some stronger words for it but jerk will do.
As for the not sleeping with anyone else I think its more of a pride thing that he doesn't want you to just get over him and move on because it will eat at him if he doesn't do it first and have you still pining for him.
I know a guy that is a bit similar (although the girl he was seeing just broke up with him, and I spent last night consoling him about it) He acted similarly with all the girls hes dated that hes broken up with them because they aren't exactly perfect but has kept them dangling until hes found another one, not necessarily having sex with them but giving them enough attention to make them hang around a bit and not just get on with their lives...
I'd be inclined to just forget about it and move on with your life.
Jerk, without question. Move on, preferably far, far away. I don't necessarily think the 90% comment was too bad - a little harsh, but maybe he is a maths geek and honestly thinks that way - but you must believe him that you are not right for each other and move on. The request that you don't sleep with anyone else is not "bizarre", it's totally out of line and deserving of several expletives I can't write here. He is a total w**ker and I would probably not even be friends with him after that comment.
Jerk. giant Jerk. run.
Well its been said, but I'm going to say it again. He's a jerk!
Forget about him, you deserve to be treated better.
There is no such thing as 100% perfect...there is however such a thing as 100% jerk...and he is it.
I agree with the above comments completely! It sounds like he has you on the bench while he trys out some other options...
As for the 'making the first move' thing, I get why this is so confusing. I recently had a similar experience with a guy who had been a long term friend. He started to pursue me quite agressively - buying me sweet little presents, cooking dinner for me, taking me out on nice dates - then, out of the blue, he announces that he's 'not really looking' for a girlfriend at the moment so we can't have that kind of relationship. He also would have been hurt if I slept with someone else so he obviously enjoyed the exclusivity. He didn't like to think of us as 'friends with benefits' because that was a bit crude and casual-sounding, but neither would he consider me his girlfriend. I was stuck in relationship limbo in a big way!
I wish I knew what the answer is to the question 'why did he bother'? When we broke up I asked him point blank what his game was - he knew he wasn't looking for a relationship, yet he pursued me and risked causing me a lot of pain (in spite of all the years we had been friends). The sad thing is, I don't think he even knew himself.
Don't waste any more time on this guy. I guarantee all you will end up with is a big case of heartbreak.
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When he said, "Don't sleep with anyone else", I sure hope you turned around and said, "Seeing as we are not in a relationship, who I sleep with is none of your business!". What a weird guy.
Best thing to do is forget him, find a new guy to hang out with, and remember that someone who really cared about you would never, ever say 'You're 90% great' because that means they think you're 10% s***!!