Ask Greer Friday: To tattoo or not to?
BY GREER MCDONALDQ writes: 
My lady friend usually is pretty sensible, but lately, I'm not so sure.
She's about to reach a major birthday milestone and wants to mark the occasion (literally) by getting a tattoo.
I have no problem with her doing so (it's her body, etc, etc) but it's the design that I have trouble with.
She has her mind set on it and I don't want to burst her bubble. I'm just worried that she will end up hating it and regret the decision.
(Oh, it's not like it's a giant dragon on her back or a naff cartoon character.)
Is there a way to tell her what I think or should I just leave her to it?
* * *
Yikes, it's a tough one this Friday.
I agree with what you said about your lovely lass being her own person etc.
As much as you are a couple, I'm sure you both have differing opinions on a range of things - and it seems body art is one of those.
Are you a passive person who believes it's best to sit back and let others make their own mistakes?
Or are you someone who says their bit, lets them make their mistakes and then bites their tongue when they're proven correct?
If you're the latter, I think she would expect you to speak out and say your bit - but let her carry on her way. You never know, your words of caution may indeed be enough for her to reconsider her design.
You could always try a delaying tactic of some kind? Say, offer to pay for it or join her in getting a tattoo but say you'd like to do it in six months. By that time she may have changed her mind on the design herself.
(At this stage I'd like to point out that further description on the incriminating tattoo would have been much appreciated. I think it would affect a lot of people's suggestions on how to deal with this so maybe you could post a comment with a description on why it is so bad? Go on, do it.)
How about bringing up horror stories of mutual friends to scare her off the ink? If you have a mate who regrets their tattoo, get them round for dinner and wax lyrical about the joys of hindsight.
(Disclaimer: As someone who has a tattoo, I think the "un-tattooed" of the world have this great big, fat fear of regret. To be honest, in most cases, people with tattoos often forget they even have them and very rarely are put in a position where they "regret" getting inked. This o
f course doesn't apply to people who get partners' names tattooed. That's just silly. And if your lady friend is proposing this, may I suggest you run a mile?)
The other thing you could do is offer variations. For example, if she wanted a picture of a hippo, why not find a cooler hippo design? Or another African killing machine animal?
There are ways of telling someone you don't like something without directly saying "I don't like that".
Think of how you deal with the "Does my bum look fat in this skirt?" question.
Best answer: "No it doesn't, but you know what, you look hot in that little red number you've got. That's my favourite."
Sold.
How do you think Q should deal with this dilemma?
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Morning Greer... TGIF
Hmmm, this is a biggie. As a slightly stroppy woman myself this one would be need to be handled with kid gloves by a partner of mine.
I quite like the idea of asking her to think about it. Talk about the idea it'd be nice if she had something unique and important to her. That way she has less chance of regretting it. I have always wanted a tattoo it's just the quest of finding one that's unique and meaningful enough that's been the problem!
And I TOTALLY agree on the name thing. If they are getting your name inked on them run. Run far. Run fast. Run Away.
I feel like I need some more information here. Does Q find tattoos, or the particular tattoo his beloved has in mind, unattractive? If so, he needs to bite the bullet and speak up. As for regret, how long has his beloved been planning her tattoo? If it's been in the planning stage for a while I suggest she's thought it through pretty well and isn't likely to regret it. Is she going to get it somewhere she can cover it up for job interviews? This is sometimes an important consideration.
I think the "un-tattooed" sometimes don't realise how meaningful tattoos can (and in my view should) be. If it really means something to you and has an important connection to part of your life, you're much less likely to regret it.
OMG - that poor person in the photo trying to remember their loved one and getting some scary, old looking monster tattoed on their arm instead!
I'm all for getting a tattoo if it's significant to you. I want a peace lily, in remembrance of my Nana, or a Kiwi - because I'm a proud one, but if you are just getting a tattoo because it's the cool thing to do at the time, then stop right there.
I have a friend who got an arm band - back in the day when they were the coolest thing on the planet.... after some laser treatments, all of which were far too painful, she hasn't managed to get rid of it and still hates it. I know someone else who is now paying money to have a tattoo they got when they were 18 covered with something else, because their tastes have moved on.
Really Q - I think Greer covered most of it - if it's the design you are having trouble with, suggest something different (nicely) or if it's your name - then run.... otherwise, let her make her mistake. It's her journey.
Keep your lip buttoned, you can only lose. Staying quiet will mean you at least get to live.
I don't think I've ever seen a sexy tatt... totally not my thing.. I'm also conscious of the stories of what swelling, weight gain and pregnancy can do to tatts.. not pretty.
Its still totally her decision. Just tell her straight up that its not something you would consider doing but its her choice and she has to live with it.
By all accounts getting them removed is not that easy either..
The key thing that helped me was to ensure that the design(s) had actual meaning, and have remained so ever since. I have a myriad of friends who went out and just got cutesy - two friends have the exact same cartoon dragon. Doh!!
I don't regret either of mine, although they could do with a touch up, and being older and wiser, am not so sure I want extra pain just to tidy up some 20yr old tattoos, especially since they are strategically placed which enables me to hide them.
The placement is important. The meaning is important. The passing of time and the end of phases in our life also needs to be taken into account. Support her, but also be honest about your hesitations.
I have nothing against tattooing - my husband has 3. True, they were done while he was in his teens and as he's grown and...er..."stretched" so have they. The colours have also faded and really yo can no longer easily see what they once were - not that I ever paid any attention to them in the first place.
I dont have a fear of regret - I have a big fat far of someone poking needles in me for non medicinal purposes....however, on the day that it becomes safe to do tattoos with pure silver, I'll be off to have some jewellery done. Yay, no more losing braceltes or necklaces! (I fear that day is a long time away)
It depends to an extent how long they've been considering getting a tattoo and how long they've had their heart set on the particular design. If it's a couple of years or so then they've obviously thought their way through it. If it's more of a spur of the moment decision they're much more likely to regret it.
I have two tattoos - one is just because I think it's cool, and one that I guess you could say "symbolises" me or some crap like that.
The first one is a shooting star on my hip. Typical, common thing to get but I really like it and haven't grown sick of it yet. My only complaint is I should have probably gotten it a little bigger or a little higher. I liked the idea of it peeking just above my jeans but it doesn't, quite. Oh well. :)
The second is a tribal turtle on the back of my neck. For most of my life I've been referred to as the Awkward Turtle, since odd/awkward things always happen to me, so I thought it'd be appropriate to get that.
No regrets.. I can see me in 30 years with that tattoo thinking "Gosh, I was an awkward person."
I think this is very much a personal thing. BUT in saying that I think it would make sense to explain your reservations/objections clearly in the most tactful (but still honest) way possible, so at least they'll know what you think before they do the big ink. And I agree, Greer, I have a tattoo and while it's not everyone's cup of tea I don't regret it and still like it. There are much bigger things to worry about in life and it's my body.