Ask Greer Friday: I got the wandering eye
BY GREER MCDONALDThis week's Ask Greer question comes from a comment left on a blog post a couple of weeks ago. 
'Confused' wrote:
"Greer I know you don't have all the answers so no pressure here but all this talk of the future and I'm still wondering about the present.
[I'm] in a long term relationship but the first to admit I have a bad case of wandering eye - and in particular this lovely girl who works at the local post shop.
I know it's just a stupid schoolboy crush but I can't get her out of my mind and I don't know how to approach her, short of stalking and I'm just not that kind of guy. How can I approach her and find out what she thinks without being tagged as a stalker?? I tried giving her my business card under the guise of starting a new business and getting the 'word out'..."
Whoa back up. You're in a relationship? Dude.
Now let me make one thing very clear: I get the wandering eye thing.
You're human - you appreciate the existence, the attitudes and the attractive physical form of the opposite sex.
That's fine, some would say normal. I understand that.
However, what you're talking about is quite different.
Acting out in a way that is hopeful of some reciprocal action while still in a relationship with someone else would in many people's books be considered cheating. It's emotional cheating, if nothing else.
How would you feel if the tables were turned and you discovered your lady friend had been trying to conjure up ways to find out if her secret crush liked her in the hope of running away with him and living happily ever after?
Here's the thing: I don't know you or the status of your current relationship, but I do believe you quite possibly shouldn't be in it.
If you're confused, step back and take some time out.
Don't be afraid of being single. Be a man and act with some integrity - for the sake of yourself, your current squeeze and any future loves.
Did you make a New Year's resolution to send me your ideas or issues? Email me at greer2.0@gmail.com or follow me on Twitter @GreerMcDonald or on Facebook.
- © Fairfax NZ News
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Sounds like more than the wandering eye if you ask me, more like the potential for wandering hands and other appendages.
Theres nothing wrong with appreciating other women from afar while in a relationship but honestly lets say for a minute you got up the nerve to go talk to the poor lass and got your flirt on a bit then what? are you going to ask her on a date?, do you want to stop seeing your current partner? Whats the point? Odds are you'd find out that shes no where near as awesome as you've made her out in your mind and reality will fall far short of fantasy and you'll have wondered why you gave up your relationship for it.
This is gonna sound bad to a lot of people but worst comes to worst you could always close your eyes when your with the missus and pretend its her.
At the same time I really hope your girlfriend doesn't read this blog. Poor woman.
Confused's being in a current relationship notwithstanding.......
If you want to approach someone, you'll just have to do it. Muster up the courage next time you are in the post shop, ask her if she'd like to meet for a coffee on her break.
Chances are you'll be declined as she won't know you from a bar of soap (just remember, there's one of her but 2000 customers a day that she serves) but if you don't ask, you'll never know.
That's not a wandering eye, that is a weak attempt at getting a bit on the side (or to replace the current relationship).
You're not just looking at the menu, you're trying to order a meal.
I've read these words before on an earlier blog - the girl with the BF who dumped her and then wanted to be FBs. Anyway, so Greer is right seems pretty obvious you shouldn't be in the relationship you are in but are not man enough to end it without another girl to go to. Show your current GF the respect she deserves and end the relationship. Then take a chance on asking the post shop girl out. She may say yes and turn out to be your soulmate, she may say yes and turn out to be nothing like you imagined or she may say no. Or you can continue on doing what you are doing but I'd watch the Karma on that one...
Ummm.....say what now? You're in a relationship yet you're actively seeking another woman and asking for advice on how you should continue? What is your girlfriend to you? A fallback in case Post Shop girl doesn't like what she sees?
Whether you have admitted it or not, you clearly don't want to be in a relationship with your current GF. Get out now before you do something really stupid and cause immense pain. Trust me on this.
Looking is one thing but what you're doing is something totally different.
Man up and move on.
Running short of topics Greer? All you're going to get from this blog is 50 people calling him a douche bag, not really worth any discussion.
Yeah I agree with Greer (just for a change ;)). This is just not a good idea.
First of all, anyone in a customer service position is trained to be friendly, and they usually are (unless they hate their job). This can quite often be mistaken for something else, and if they are really good at their job it can be quite flattering being made to feel important.
At the end of the day though you are in a relationship. I personally believe that the reason people cheat is because they are missing something in their relationship. If that is the case, you should look at what it is that you are missing, and then talk to your partner about that.
Leon #4 nailed it.
Poor form on confuseds part, just proves there are a lot of dicks out there.
The way I see it you have two options: Stay with your current GF and forget about Post Office chick, or break it off with your current GF and then go for gold with Post Office chick. In my experience the truth ALWAYS comes out in the end, so just do the right thing now and save a whole lotta crap later on. If you try the sneaky way you'll more than likely end up without either of them.
Oh and to answer your question - just give her your number and say you'd like to buy her a coffe sometime and if she's keen then give you a call/txt. Leave it up to her then you wont come across as too much of a stalker!
What Greer said.
This guy says he's in a long term relationship but, unless he's in an open long term relationship, the rest of his email is just wrong. He doesnt even mention his supposed girlfriend!
Man up. If you dont love the girl you're with, then why are you with her? I get that guys look at other girls. Girls look at other guys too. Beauty is made to be appreciated. But if you're in a relationship that is supposed to be monogamous, and you want to stray at the expense of the person you're with, then you're selfish and dont deserve to be with anyone.