It's important to understand that you still have good things in your life. Maybe write them down. If you can realise that okay, your relationship broke up, but you still have a good job, cool flatmates, loving family, friends etc. it helps you to get your heartbreak into perspective and realise that there really is more to life than this person.

It's mostly a matter of time though. And working really hard to keep yourself busy and distracted sure does help.

Excuse me... but how about the poor sod who just got dumped?

He/She (my money is on he) is going through this too. And seeing as how R ended it - then not only are they dealing with the heartbreak they are wondering where the hell the bus that just hit them came from.

So my advice is - R harden up. You dumped him/her don't come crying about something YOU chose to do on your own terms.

To the person who got dumped - if R was this much work when you were in a relationship then you are lucky that she/he broke it off when they did. Now get out there and root something and be thankful.

I usually try to mend a broken heart (after the first two or three days without showering, leaving the house, and going through boxes and boxes of tissues) by making some sort change to myself (like a new haircut, new wardrobe, or starting something new like joining the gym or a club) and then I try to keep myself busy. The worst time for me, after a breakup, is when you have to go and hop in bed, alone, and I cried myself to sleep feeling lonely for weeks.

But, time passes, and eventually you start to feel better.

I think the most important thing is to take time out for yourself, and make yourself number one for a change, and stop worrying about if you have a man in your life or not. It's quite a liberating feeling, only being respnsible for yourself.

@ paul #2

That's a bit rough mate. We hardly know all the facts in the 'R' case. This post was meant to be a bit more general in terms of heartbreak, not just a response to the reader's situation.

This brings up a valid point though - I think that you can be heartbroken as someone who ends a relationship. You don't always have to be on the receiving end.

I agree with paul, its a bit dumb to dump someone and then be heartbroken about it. You either wanted it or you didn't.

To mend a broken heart can takes ages. My ex broke up with me in June 09 and I am still not over him. Everyone deals with their situation differently so there is no time as to how long it will take to get over that person and especially if there are kids involved, as my situation was. My son adored my ex and is not over him either. Time does heal a broken heart. Won't happen overnight but it will happen. Julie XXOO

Actually, to further this discussion, when you get heartbroken its because someone you loved betrays you, doesn't want you anymore, passes away etc - how can you be heartbroken when you're the one doing the dumping?

@ paul and Greer - I just came out of a relationship which ended mutually (we both agreed "it was time") and I'm still quite heartbroken, though before we talked and found out we were both in the same place, I was fully preparing to break up with him about now! I agree with you Greer, you can grieve for a relationship which has ended no matter which party you are. Unless you're just a total tool who 'ended' the relationship by shagging other people or something.

I think the key to mending a broken heart is "forcing yourself to get out". I broke up with my ex 5 years ago and spent way too much time alone afterwards, beforehand I was confident and outgoing, after spending so much time alone I lost that confidence and found it is very hard to get back. I'm not necessarily advocating the "rebound", but get out there and meet new people or hang out with old friends. Expect nothing but fun times, be it bedroom times or not.

Whatever you do though DO NOT hang out with the ex "just as friends", inevitably you will fall into old habits, but have no strings, then when they move on to someone else it will hurt you all over again (and to address Paul #2's post it will hurt them if you move on first, and that is something you don't want to do because there was a time that you cared for this person - and probably still do).

@Paul #2 Heartache can come when you are the dumpee or the dumper. "R" writes that it was getting too hard, we don't know what that means, and there could be many reasons, but we can assume that it probably was not an easy decision to make, we can also assume that it was not a decision made just simply because they drifted apart and "R" no longer cared for the other person.

It has been a year for me now, and I am getting better at pretending I am sweet. There was a bit of reoffending though, which has made things harder on myself. It is a tough one to get through without hating the other person, and I am just not a hater.

There are lots dumb axioms which friends will share with you. For a long time though, you just dont want to listen to, but they are all true enough. It just takes time to start seeing it. And gin. When you start agreeing with what your friends say about the dumper, you are ready to move on.