Hen's day and wedding report
BY GREER MCDONALDFor those who missed last week's posts, I lamented about the upcoming hen's day and wedding of a dear friend up in the mighty Waikato.
I was worried that hen's nights were a recipe for disaster, outdated and ever-so-unclassy.
I was also concerned that the wedding would leave me feeling inadequate for not having a ring on my left hand.
So here's what happened, with the aid of some pictorial evidence.
The bride said: "No stupid games, no dress ups".
So, what did we do?
We played stupid games (design a phallic piece of the male anatomy out of Play-Doh. The best to be judged by the bride)... and we dressed up.
Ok, so we didn't go overboard - just wore matching shirts with our nicknames printed on the back. The hen wore a veil.
Heck, there were even (despite my quiet protests) penis straws. I couldn't quite bring myself to wrap my lips around any of the bizarre drinking utensils, but they appeared popular with some of the girls.
It was a nice break and I have to say, everything went well.
But I learnt a few things.
Firstly, at the hen's day:
1. People love the bride-to-be. Strolling around next to a woman with a veil on her head leads to instant happiness. Everyone is so nice! "You'll make a beautiful bride," said one person. "When are you getting married?" said the woman who served us our American hot dogs. I got to stand next to all this happiness, so it filtered through like some type of glee osmosis.
2. Don't down a few drinks and start txting/tweeting/Facebooking from your phone.
3. Bride-to-be in a mini-skirt + bucking bull ride + video to capture the action = awesome.
4. It is possible to have a nice relaxed day without getting loose and rowdy. A bunch of us were home by 8.30pm, tucked up on the couch watching Castaway for the 100th time and snacking on leftovers.
5. Play-Doh doesn't taste as good as I remember.
And things I learnt about weddings: 
1. Don't think for a second you're going look even moderately good when you're standing next to a stunning bride. Just don't bother.
2. See tip #2 from the hen's day. Don't txt after a few wines at a wedding. Especially don't txt whoever comes to mind first after the ceremony declaring "I want to get married". You-will-regret-it.
3. Try and avoid people you know are going to ask why you aren't married yet. You'll spend the entire night trying to justify your singledom and/or get pointed out to "that lovely young man over there... or what about him?".
4. There's nothing like a rousing haka.
5. Take tissues. Weddings make sensitive gals such as me cry. Happy tears, of course.
Congrats K&M.
Send me your ideas or problems! Email me at greer2.0@gmail.com or follow me on Twitter @GreerMcDonald or on Facebook.
- © Fairfax NZ News
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@ Katherine #1 -
Speaking as a lesbian hon, I'm afraid I'm going to have to break it to you that telling them that you're gay doesn't actually work very well.
You'll get a) the homophobe that wants to save you, b) the woman that knows one of those "nice lesbians down the road" and she'll totally set you up, c) the randy straight guy for whom such a declaration is like a red flag to a bull, making him try even harder, and d) the bicurious straight girl that either once kissed a girl at band camp and wants to bond with you about it, or is just drunk enough to put some moves on you, which is just a recipe for a disaster and bad sex.
I just WISH it were as easy as mentioning you're gay lol :)
Sounds like a great day out and a nice wedding.
@ Katherine, I don't think telling people (single ladies) to lie about their sexcuality is the best advice.
Plus, aren't we all a bit more evolved than that now.
@ Greer, you look simply stunning!
Sounds like you had a great time anyway! I might be able to avoid people asking me about men and my single status when my sister gets married by having someone there, fingers crossed for tomorrow night when I am going out with one of the potential groomsmen... might be opening a can of worms but I can't help it I'm smitten.
As for other things at the wedding I am not too bothered as I am a bridesmaid.. my function is to make the bride look good.
I'm glad your bride got happy comments at her hens do, I got middle aged women screaming "don't do it! don't do it!" across the road at me =(
Hi Greer, I'm with Des, very nice photo of your and your friends and definitely congratulations to the happy couple.
@ Sarah - LOL PS How is the job / job hunting going? Well I hope! :-)
Weddings. Ugh. My brother's one is coming up in a few months, and on the one hand I'm dying to have a date to take (to avoid the 'why are you still single?' business, obviously). On the other, I guess that's a recipe for NOT hooking up with a hot groomsman. Although, come to think of it a large proportion of the groomsmen are relatives.
I browsed through a copy of Cosmo while on holiday, and for the first time read something moderately insightful in it. It was about how to deal with the 'why?' question, and they were saying that ultimately no matter how awesome you are, meeting a good match for yourself is essentially random. Therefore, the nice blonde lady with red lips argued, asking someone why they are single is not dissimilar to asking them why they haven't won the lotto yet.
Obviously the probabilities of winning lotto and getting married are not exactly equal, but it's Cosmo and I don't expect their argument to be flawless.
@ Thalia - smitten eh? Cool... good luck on the date!
@ Sarah - hilarious! Well not so much about the homophobes but the rest of it :)
@ B - d'oh! I hope you gave the (bitter) middle aged women the finger!
If you get people trying to helpfully point out "nice men" to you, just tell them you think you might be a lesbian. Then cry on them as all your friends are married so you will never have a chance with them. Then hit on them if they are a woman (and you're sure they're not interested). They'll never bring it up again.