Do the clothes make the man?
BY GREER MCDONALDEvery now and then I receive an email from a reader that makes me laugh out loud.
At first I thought this one was a joke, but after I read it out to a friend, he summed it up perfectly: "This is the problem with all you women right here," he said.
Surely not? Read for yourselves:
So I have started seeing this guy. We went out yesterday and I noticed he was wearing Black Nike Runners with his jeans. Is this a total put off only to me? I mean he wasn't dressing up or anything, had a hoody etc on but surely there's an in between with runners/sneakers and good going out shoes, like Chucks or something.
For some reason I cannot stop thinking about the sneakers, it wasn't TOO bad as they were black, but still makes me cringe! To be honest, I know this is totally 15 year old, but I'd rather skate shoes to sneakers with jeans! AGRRR.
When/How/Do I address this? Is it my place? should I wait until we go on a flash date to see what he wears?
HELLLPPPPP
Sneaker Nightmare!
* * *
Now maybe it's because I'm not the most fashionable creature, but this situation really stumps me.
It never occurred to me to ever pass comment on something as trivial as a pair of shoes that a guy chooses to wear.
This isn't to say I don't have opinions on certain footwear (crocs, for example, seem to get people riled up beyond belief) or clothing.
It's obviously an issue though, and the reader's scenario above can be described as a fear of the highly useful portmanteau - sneans.
The way I see it, there are two types of guys: those who are semi-obsessive about the way they look, take an active interest in fashion and trends and have an awareness about correct "protocols" of what to wear on particular occasions; and then there are those who just don't care.
An uber fashion conscious friend of mine started dating a guy last year and was uber concerned about the way he dressed.
"He wears stubbies!" she screamed, as if it was an absolute dealbreaker.
And for her, it was a dealbreaker.
She has spent the past year molding him into the vision of a boyfriend she has always dreamed of and he's pretty nonchalant about it all. He just wants her to be happy so goes along with her choices without changing who he is as a person (and still busting out the stubbies... but only when he's on the farm).
It's cute, and it works for them.
But I just can't imagine doing it myself. I much prefer to compliment a guy when he's wearing my favourite items of clothing in the hope he wears them more frequently to impress me.
There's a reason for that. If the tables were turned, I would be gutted for a guy say to me, "God I hate it when you wear [x]".
I have an easy solution to this: I just dress like my squeeze (unintentionally, of course). On a recent shoe-buying excursion I managed t
o buy the same two pairs of shoes as him (the girls' version, but exact same brand and style), much to my embarrassment.
It didn't go unnoticed at the AC/DC concert either when his friend asked if we had deliberately dressed the same. (To be fair, most people at AD/DC subscribed to the black-on-black combo, but we did look kinda silly with our matching Chucks - so much so I had to take a photo.)
The weirdness I felt when I realised I was morphing into a boy made me determined not to become one of those couples who dress in matching tracksuits, a la that couple in Eagle Vs Shark.
Off to buy some dresses, me thinks.
To me, clothes are just clothes and I don't think they maketh the man. But what's underneath however...
Reader: I don't think there's any need, especially that early on in a relationship, to confront the poor guy about his dress sense. It probably says more about you than it does about him.
Are there certain items of clothes you dislike on the opposite sex? Would you tell your partner to change the way they dress?
Got a question for Ask Greer Fridays? Email me at greer2.0@gmail.com or follow me on Twitter @GreerMcDonald or on Facebook.
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Most guys don't have a clue about what actually looks good. Unless they are involved in the fashion industry or have been schooled by their girlfriends, chances are they don't have a clue (even though they think they do).
The worst trend these days is the Gen Y-ers who have their pants down below their hips so people can see what undies they are wearing. Most girls I've asked about this hate it, so I fail to see why so many guys do it. Same with the the gansta hats, tilted to the side - wtf? May as well be wearing a big sign that says "I am a tool!".
My ex wore the same white sneakers every day, and when they wore out he went and bought a pair exactly the same. Never bothered me at the time, but I think maybe ill be on the look out for a guy with more than one pair of shoes in his wardrobe from now on.
This is a similar phenomenon to girls and make up! The number of girls who go out with so much make up on they look like Ronald McDonald is astounding. Less truly is more!
I often have to tell my other half to go get changed before we go out (or I won't go!) as he just has no clue and often dresses inappropriately. I mean, who wears blue dress pants with a black knit shirt and brown dress shoes out to dinner?
I actually agree with the emailer, and next she should time tell him before going out that they're not exercising so he can wear different shoes!
Fair enough not hurting peoples feelings, but they way you dress does impact on how you are perceived and treated so you should be able to address it.
I say shut up and be grateful he's not a player, an insensitive prick or downright crazy. There are worse things in life than poor taste in footwear.
Rock out with your Crocs out :-]
Yeah ... shoes... Hmmm...
Of course it would depend on where you were going out to, but I definitely think that getting over the shoes thing would be a good thing to do. I mean, if you were going out clubbing, he might have wanted to wear something comfortable so he could whirl you round the dance floor all night.
Greer, as for there being 2 types of guys. Myself, I don't really take an active interest in fashion, but I do try and dress well. Colour co-ordination and all that crap - and I definitely make sure my collar is out. My brother often goes out with his collar half in and half out. Drives me nuts! So anyway, I don't think I would fit into either of those types, so there must be at least a third.
Haha, now I feel bad (and im not 15 but much older!). My partner and I were going out for dinner, nothing fancy, just Breakers (YUM!), but when I turned around he was putting on stubbies! I told him we wern't going if he was going to wear those!
Other than this (going out for dinner) I don't really care what he wears (lucky for me he never tires the socks and jandals or pajamas in public), though whenever he puts on his (VERY) scuffed jeans I can't help but cringe!
hahaha, when i started going out with my b/f i noticed that he did the sneens thing, at first i was a bit concerned (i dont know if that the right word, but it will do for now) about it and then i said to myself "stop being such a snob" He also wears this aweful shirt every now and then ... i told him i think its "beautiful" thankfully he only wears it around the house ... he always tells me hes going to wear my favourite shirt. I just end up laughing cause it looks ridiculous ... apparantly its cool. im sure i prob wear things that he doesnt like, but i figure if that the only thing i have to worry about, ive got it pretty good
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I'm confused about how black nike shoes (which probably set the guy back 120-200 dollars) are worse than a pair of chucks, and don't go with a hoodie I mean WTF?Seriously?
Its not like he was wearing five dollar jandals from the warewhare. Being a guy he probably only has two to three pairs of shoes and a pair of jandals anyways.
The only time I would suggest (not tell) different items of clothing is when they really look bad, like fur lined jacket and bling that scream I am a wannabe pimp.. but then again I doubt I would date that guy to start with. So long as hes clean, got shoes on, the clothes don't have holes and the colours don't clash horribly why would you complain if they're just going to end up in a pile on the floor later anyway?