Blog: In the Firing Line, with Julie Jacobson -...

In the Firing Line

Is Wellington property magnate Terry Serepisos New Zealand's answer to Donald Trump? The Dominion Post's Julie Jacobson will ponder this and other questions as she blogs about The Apprentice NZ.

I'm fired

08:56pm 11 May 2010

5 comments

BY JULIE JACOBSON

In the words of the Grateful Dead, what a long strange trip it's been. The Apprentice NZ kicked off in February with 14 fresh faced hopefuls, each looking to out brown nose each other in the humility, integrity, honesty, chutzpah and business nous stakes.

There were some standouts. Paul Natac, the bloke that fired himself, for one. He'll be forever known as Tampon Man. And Lee. A smart arse, definitely, but the best entertainment this side of a Commando comic. Aayeeee.

And Linda, the boss's favourite. (He's still pining, reckons he hasn't watched the show since you left, babe). She obviously got called back because of her pulling power (cue gratuitous tight shirt stretch), which worked (cue signed All Blacks shirt).

Then, of course there's The Boss. Sir, Tezza, Serepiso, Serepooso, whatever. He's had a lot going on over the course of the series. On screen and off.

Bet he's regretting sticking his head up now. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I still would have preferred to see angsty old curmudgeon Jones doing the Don, though. Not only has he got better taste in cars, and houses, he's much more eloquent than the over-scripted puppet master Mr S.

Glass ceilings

09:01pm 04 May 2010

4 comments

BY JULIE JACOBSON

Come again? Someone who's good at dealing with things strategically gets fired? You've got to laugh. There's Tezza blogging about being a strategist - "I need to be able to assess what went right and wrong in each challenge" - and here he is contradicting himself.

Ironic really that he hasn't been clever enough to recognise that Tom might actually be the most strategic of the lot. Father of five, loves his kids and his wife, wants to do best by them. Sounds like clever dick Tom's been reading up about those Mediterranean patriarchs to me.

You've got to applaud Catherine. She stuck to her guns and, like she says, was pretty much the most personable one of the lot - aside from Linda, of course. Whether it was some sort of weird premonition or not, you had to laugh when she said she'd tried to be honest but professional at the same. Whatever did she mean?

But girls eh? What do they know about property development? They're only good for slapping on lippy and fake tan and leopard skin coats. The honey trap in this case was Terry's right hand handmaiden Paula Muollo. One look at her and you just knew two women in Tezza's office would have been one too many.

Meanwhile Tom and Dave got to eat sausage while the boss had steak, or in this case fly Pacific Blue while Big Daddy winged it back to Welly in the plane equivalent of his Beamer. And then they got to look out of his office window and get lectured in real estate jargon by some other on-message minion.

Read my lips

07:13pm 27 Apr 2010

11 comments

BY JULIE JACOBSON

Okay, confession time. I have, with a little help from a friend, run a business. It was a CD store-cum-cafe. I was up at 6am baking, in the shop by 9, and back baking come 6pm the same night. I hated leaving someone else to look after it. Firstly, we couldn't really afford to pay wages; secondly, it was our baby. If the customers were met with indifference it was our fault. If the cooking or coffee was crap it was our fault. Sure, it was precious-itis - no one else is good enough to baby sit my child - but that's how it feels when you care about a business.

It doesn't mean, though, that you have to be a bastard. Or in this case, a bitch. There I was thinking Catherine 'I'm going to take her down' Livingstone was going to be case in point, but, surprise, surprise, it was the healer. Yap, yap. Dave this, Dave that... Let's not treat those old codgers like children, she said, and then proceeded to do so. And then there she was all stressed and pouty because she had to show them how to do something again. We didn't need to read your lips Karen, the body language said it all. Hurry up, you dorks.

David wasn't a hell of a lot better. Jeez, I'd hate either of them to be my mum or dad. You'd be shovelling that broccoli down and they'd be there sighing and tapping and getting real angry. Not that way, this way, do this, do that ... hurry up.

Of course Mitchell had to have a go at Catherine. She was patronising. Her instructions weren't clear. But the oldies loved her, you could tell. Not like that little weasel Dave, who seems to manage to fly under the radar every time. Did you get that frosty silence when he told his lot they were twice his age so it was obviously going to take twice as long to teach them anything? Ouch.

So Karen and Dave in the boardroom, blaming each other. Read their lips. Bitch. Bastard. And all the while there was the lovely Thomas and old hard nosed Catherine working like a real team and getting the rewards. And it was great to finally see some both of them a bit more relaxed, even if Tom did cry again. But, you know, I would have cried too. My mum was in a resthome before she died, and it's only when you've experienced something that you know what it's really like.

Q&A with the final four from The Apprentice NZ

08:22am 23 Apr 2010

4 comments

BY JULIE JACOBSON

Gosh, doesn't time fly? It seems like just yesterday that The Apprentice NZ contestants first popped up on our screens all vocab manifestoed and ready to kick ass, and now here they are, down to four, speak-savvy and bad assed. At the end of the day going forward they're still on message. They've had to cook bangers, make ice cream, flirt with All Blacks and sell Auckland. Next week they get to socialise with some wrinklies and the week after that they're off for lunch at Clooney. Yep, it's tough in the fast lane.

Dan's gone, and Nicky, and before them it was Rich and Meena. Then there was Paul, you know, the one that fired himself, whatshername and whatshisname, and Lee - drinking, fagging, great TV Lee. The show's gone up, down and up again in the ratings. It hasn't bumped Master Chef off its perch, but then you have to admit watching someone taste soup several times over with the same spoon and then serve that same soup, spittle and all, to the judges, is way more fun than listening to the judges spitting the same old piffle every week.

Still, I reckon if you've made it this far in the land of sarcasm and sadism that is reality TV, you're doing pretty well. So good on you guys. How about answering a couple of questions? Oh, you will? Cheers.

DAVID

Reality television has been criticised for making instant celebrities of nobodies. Has your life changed since the show started screening? How?

Lyin' eye

09:00pm 20 Apr 2010

5 comments

BY JULIE JACOBSON

OMG. Lindz. I can just see it. My boss at home in his jarmies sobbing into his Horlicks.

The old glad eye, eh? Doll, I warned you about that. You and Terry had a thing going. A good thing. And then you google eyed the All Black. He plays rugby, Lindz. The ugly game. Sure he might know his joystick from his water bottle. But rugby?

Terry's a footie man, Lindz. SOCCER. Footballers know their tower blocks from their prestige cars. And flirting with The Boss is one thing, but flirting with a rugby player?

A bit of advice - and hey, ain't hindsight a wonderful thing? - rugby players might like their blondes to play dirty but the soccer boys, they're a whole different story. They like their blondes to behave. And you didn't. Remember Lara Bingle? Okay so that was cricket but look what happened to her when she started getting all flirty eyed with someone else. She ended up with her boobs flashed all over the telly. Oh, you did too. That's right, I forgot.

My boss will be sobbing about that as well. He was quite taken with your shower cleaning, er, skills.

<< Previous Page Next Page >>

Blog terms and conditions

You're welcome to post in the comments section of our blogs. Please keep comments under 400 words. When submitting a comment, you agree to be bound by our terms and conditions.

Blog sections:

Slideshow Entertainment

Slideshow Fashion

Slideshow Life & Style

Slideshow Love & Sex

Slideshow Motoring