A Final Fantasy announcement and a Persian trailer

Heard of Final Fantasy? It's a little role-playing game series from Japan that rakes in a few hundred million dollars here and there. RPG nerds refer to it as a "mainstream" game, and then they either sneer or pout. Us nerds don't generally like mainstream things because it makes us feel less special.

The latest instalment is approaching (as always) with the Roman numeral 13 attached to the back of it. This would lead you to believe that it is the thirteenth game in the series, instead of the fortieth-or-something.

Final Fantasy XIII is being released on PS3 and Xbox 360, and, according to a recent announcement video, the magic date is March 9^th, 2010.

The video doesn't fill me with confidence.

Firstly, why am I being told about a Japanese fantasy game by a cocksure American male in an expensive suit? Did they run out of Japanese people? He certainly reads his lines well for some guy who probably saw someone play a game once.

Secondly, Leona Lewis. LEONA LEWIS. I would rather have my ears ripped off and fed to me as broken shards of a Final Fantasy disc are jammed into the sides of my head, than listen to Leona Lewis. I would travel back in time and murder myself as an infant just to avoid hearing her repetitive, generic music. I would listen to Kanye West instead.

Just kidding, I would never listen to Kanye West.

But really, Square Enix, I know Final Fantasy is the McDonalds of RPGs, but could you try not to slap us in the face quite so hard? I have never listened to the soundtrack of an epic fantasy adventure and thought it could use more vapid pop tunes.

I'm still pumped for FFXIII, but now I may have to jam acid-soaked cotton in my ears to play it. At least it looks ridiculously pretty.

THE PRINCE OF PERSIA: HOLLYWOOD EDITION

The first trailer for The Prince of Persia film has been released, and oh god it's going to suck harder than a hurricane.

Our view opens on Jake Gyllenhaal, who was chosen to play the Prince after being scientifically proven to be the exact opposite of Persian. This is either fantastically racist casting (surely not from Disney) or possibly a result of nobody involved in the film knowing what Persia is.

Luckily, our hero is clad in the leathery angst-vest from the second game, Warrior Within. Nice choice, considering it was the WORST game in the entire series.

And then there are a lot of action sequences, grand music bits and scenes involving the characters flirting with each other in cute ways. That sounds much better than a well-written storybook tale of a man overcoming his past mistakes and limitations.

It might be less confusing if they call it "The White Guy Who Isn't A Prince Somewhere in The Middle East With Explosions and Kissing".

- © Fairfax NZ News

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elias khouri   #1   09:33 pm Nov 16 2009

Lmao. Very typical American knowledge about the world. I'm Persian/Lebanese Arab Jake Gyllenhaal looks darker than me, not only that I wouldn't be surprised if you told me he was Persian.. he resembles a lot of people from Northern Iran. It might be surprising to you but many Near Easterners are white as white as Jake and even whiter.. did you think we were all brown? The Middle East is one of the most racially and ethnically diverse places in the world, you'll find Black, white & brown Caucasian, and East Asian people there. But you also need to know that Persia was not anywhere the same ethno and racial makeup as modern day Iran is.. people migrated into the area. The Persians were Iranic people -- they would resemble smaller less homogeneous Iranic groups like Pamiris, Gilakis, Mazandarani, and other non-asiatic mixed Iranic groups in Iran and close by.. which I've not met one of these people who are brown or look like Osama Bin Ladin which I believe is the general stereotype of a Middle Easterner.

Please do some research before you make ignorant statements like these.

Andy Astruc   #2   12:08 am Nov 25 2009

Research is for wimps. I was referring to the amusing miscasting of a character who, in the games, looks more Aladdin than Donnie Darko.

And you shouldn't make broad generalisations about Americans like that...

RJ   #3   09:13 am Nov 25 2009

Let's be fair, Prince of Persia is hardly an example of a historically accurate game. Pretty sure ancient Persians went for the full beard instead of designer stubble and didn't dress like gits. I've always thought the series was a riff on the Hollywoodised, Western-fantasy Persia that you see in movies like Alladin... it's not Assassin's Creed, there's no pretence of reality.

America isn't in Persia, so I see the teeny tiny issue Andy is referring to. Especially as there have been a raft of successful films lately that have done some great casting in the location they were set, like Slumdog Millionaire and the Kite Runner (even if they didn't use locals for the lead roles).

Then again, it's an American story by an American, I guess maybe they just wanted to stick Americans in all the roles. Honestly, given that the Prince had a BRITISH ACCENT in the first game, I'd have prefered they found a British actor for the role. Forget everything else, I just wanted someone posh and foppish and spoilt who likes jumping and whining about girls.

I'm more disappointed that the Indian princess Farah seems to have been replaced by Some Other Girl. And that the Prince isn't actually a real Prince, he's an adopted pauper or something... yeah GREAT going guys, did you actually play the game at all???