This blog is a Limited Edition

BY ANDY ASTRUC

I was always a failure at collecting things. I got my mum to buy me a stamp book, which I filled with exactly seven stamps that I got off the morning post. In a drawer at home I have a small pile of 1966 Australian decimal changeover one and two cent coins. Somewhere I have a bag of hats.

And I only ever caught 61 Pokémon.

But I like the idea of collecting, so I keep trying. I'm a little torn when it comes to gaming. There are an increasing number of elaborate and ridiculous special editions of video games popping up, each trying to suck you in with its own special set of tacky crap.

The Logical Me says that they are a waste of money, that I will get sick of whatever the extra pieces are, and that I can probably just get them later. The Other Me says "SHINY THINGS I LIKE SHINY THINGS YOU GIVE HULK SHINIES OR HULK SMASH."

The special versions vary in quality and madness:

MASS EFFECT 2

As if Mass Effect wasn't awesome enough, the Collector's Edition manages to pack in all sorts of stuff. Packed in the obligatory tin case (tin is the most special of all box materials) and fancy cardboard casing, ME2: Collector's also comes with a neatly-folded booklet marked 'CLASSIFIED' that contains an art book, an issue of the Mass Effect comic book and a plastic card.

The card lets you download extra missions and gives you an inflated sense of self-worth. Putting it down your pants may or may not boost this effect. Also included is special armour and a special gun, proving once and for all how much better you are than those idiots who DIDN'T pay an extra thirty bucks.

Other games that came in epic, manly tin cases include Halo 2, Halo 3, Gears of War, Gears of War 2, Fallout 3 (lunchbox form) and Bioshock. The cases are hard and awesome, like my bulging muscles as I shoot aliens and monsters to death. Plastic cases would simply shatter under the deluge of testosterone.

BAYONETTA

It came with a gun! A scale replica of Bayonetta's handgun, Scarborough Fair. The extra price is absorbed when you realise how awesome you look in the mirror with your shirt off.

There's also a soundtrack for your ears and an art book for your eyes. Art books are great because the developers can press old scribbles between bits of board and call it an 'extra'.

SAINT'S ROW 2

It also came with a gun! This time a big, phallic Beretta. For those times when it takes too long to tell people how much of a tosspot you are. Also inside: a USB stick shaped like a solid gold bullet. Classy and functional.

Lots of games jumped on the 'stupid plastic thing' bandwagon. Resident Evil 4 on PS2 offered a controller shaped like a bloodied chainsaw, Fallout shipped with an adorable bobblehead, Batman: Arkham Asylum included a full-size batarang, and one edition of Halo 3 gave you a giant cybernetic head while taking away any chance you had with women.

CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE 2

This one became a little infamous. As a reward for anticipating the most anticipated game since the invention of hype, you could order the special version of the game that came with real, working, night-vision goggles. As if gamers ever go outside.

Things got so crazy with this one that there is actually a picture on the internet of (former) rapper Ice-T posing with his goggles on, holding the game. The goggles are just powerful enough for you to make out everyone laughing at you.

No matter how ridiculous they get, it's hard to deny the temptation. What if my friend has the super-secret, exclusive lava armour and I don't? Will anyone ever love me? Invariably the buyer's remorse sets in afterwards as I realise I just paid actual money for still photos from a video game I already own.

But by the end of the week I will have Bioshock 2 and the 12" vinyl soundtrack that comes with it. I don't even own a record player.

IMPORTANT NEWS FLASH:

Free Mushrooms, gamer social club that is better than other things, is having its first meeting tonight - Tuesday 9th February. Details on the info page. If you come along you might see all the useless Bioshock junk I collected.

- © Fairfax NZ News