To all the bullies I've known
BY NICK CHURCHOUSEYou've got to be shaking when Sir Ranulph Fiennes says he's gonna get you.
My role model was back in the headlines recently, but not for riding an elephant to the North Pole backwards or some such adventure as you might expect, but to denounce those twats that tormented the man long before he became the epitome of human endeavour.
Bullies.
You have to hate them, and then some wise old ninny says you have to pity them too. Regardless of how you feel about them, you will have known one.
Sir Ranulph, a kauri amongst men, was one of us once upon a time, a whippersnapper with a cheeky lip.
I've never been to Eton but its one of those schools where you imagine everyone a bit of a toff and there's a few quiet stoic characters that don't buy into the elitist ponce that permeates the place.
I went to couple of schools like that.
And I had a couple of bullies like that.
The first one was in the 3rd form (the translation is year 9 for Tom and the Gen Y crew) at Auckland Grammar.
I was a bit of a nobby starting secondary school. Big glasses, pudgy and a bit unwieldy on my feet, not much good at sport, acne issues, and my devastating looks had yet to emerge. ("well I never" I hear you saying...but honestly, true story)
His name was Jeremy Ross. That name is burned in my mind like a permanent scar.
A bit of a slimy smarmy character, Jeremy was a prick. In the right royal sense of the word.
Hanging with the cool crew, or rather those I perceived to be cool, he was the uncertain one who didn't feel like he belonged and so puffed out his chest and persecuted muppets like me to endear himself to his pals.
I spent years of my life dedicated to imagining how I would repay him if I ever came across him in later life. I've no idea where he is now, and who knows if he's still a prick. Doubtful. It'd be a stellar effort to remain that much of an arse for 20 years and he didn't have that much backbone.
But I have to say, I couldn't rule out smacking him one even now. The rage lingers. I know what Sir Ranulph is talking about.
Then there was Kent somebody in the 4th form. He wasn't that much of a prick, just a bonehead.
He'd hassle me in class, but not much because I was bigger than him. Then one day at a sports tournament, he came up to me in front of everyone, and said "Take your glasses off, I'm going to smash you. I don't hit guys with glasses." I think he thought he had the high moral ground.
Naturally I declined the offer. He kept trying, I kept refusing and a tussle ensued. Now these were the days of Brutus the Barber, Hulk Hogan, Bret the Hitman Hart, Ultimate Warrior and Randy Macho Man Savage. And I had done my homework with Wrestlemania after Wrestlemania.
Kent didn't like the sleeper hold. He went red in the face, went sort of limp and I dropped him. And that was the end of that. Never even took my specs off.
The sad end to the story is that I then moved to Wellington, and was promptly enrolled in another elitist boys college and became a bit of a goon myself.
I guess it's how the circle works, the bullied becomes the bully. I'd done my time, now I was going to get my own back.
But it didn't last long. I picked on a few guys in my class, smacked them in the head with rulers and drew pictures of them fornicating with dolphins on Mrs Chan's blackboard.
But one day I was verbally niggling a small lad next to me in assembly, when he turned to look me in the eye, punched me in the face and broke my glasses. Shock horror disbelief. But it was a nice slug and well deserved. Taught me a lesson or two when the whole class started laughing and we all got sent out.
What goes around comes around. You learn that sooner or later. No one teaches you about karma, it should be part of Classical Studies, in between The Iliad and Sophocles.
But there's one question that remains. I know Kent got his on the sports field terraces. I got mine in the nose at assembly. But did Jeremy Ross ever get his? I guess I'll never know.
Who was your bully, and when did they get theirs?
- © Fairfax NZ News
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I probably was the bully. I mean at primary school there were nasty people, bigger than me, who were just mean. But at an all girls college, I was quite the b*tch.
I don't know that I was a bully as such, as every girl was cruel to another at some point, but I do know I was a total snob so now when I see people in the street that I know I could have been nicer to, I do make the effort to ask them how they are doing, compliment them and generally try to leave an impression that I am nice now!!
To those that were rude to me, I live happy in the knowledge that I am doing a lot better than them and live a nice happy life! Can't hold onto that stuff forever eh!
I got a hard time about being the fat kid at school. Now I am not, and most of the people who gave me a hard time are fat AND unemployed. Suckers.
Hey Nick,
absolutely great post. I don't wish my bully got hers anymore but it took me a long long time to get over high school. I had to change schools in the end just to get away. I remember my first day of 7th form in the new school and it was a lifeline.
I never bullied anyone else, at least, not on purpose. I probably was guilty of those casual cruelties highschool girls visit on each other.
It wasn't until I was at University I let the last of my rage against the bully go. Now I couldn't care less what someone like that would say about me. Looking back I can see how it happened, she was a prime bully target so had to bully other people to prevent it happening.
I don't wish her well, but I don't wish her ill either. I just don't care. Would be nice to travel back in time and tell my 15 year old self everything would work out ok though. It would be good if there could be more work around school and mental health done in NZ, I know at my lowest ebb I considered some fairly drastic action. It all seems so insurmountable at that age. I'll have to remember that when (if?) I have children. Again, great post.
I've been looking for you, specky...
Can't remember his name. I was year 9, he was year 11. Hassled me during all the breaks and lunch, and I basically ignored him. It all finally got too much for him, and after a few weeks he (with his mates in tow) cornered me in the boys cloak room, smashed a bottle on the seat beside me, and proceeded to cut my hair with the broken glass. I just sat still; probably in sheer terror in case his hand slipped. My lack of reaction was totally unsatisfying and eventually he gave up in frustration and left.
My next teacher took one look at the hair, and demanded to know who had done it. My parents were the same later on. What I didn't know at the time was some of the guy's mates had been so horrified they shopped him to the head. I never really heard what happened - never saw him again anyway ..I think he was expelled on the spot.
Que? - so true how things wrongly seem unsurmountable at that age. I have made a vow to myself to remember that when I have kids too, after the suicide of my partner's little sister.
My uncle had brain damage and got the crap bullied out of him at his all boys high school. He had three sisters who used to defend him after school, but during school hours he was on his own. Anyway, my auntie was at a party a couple of years ago, and one of the chief bullies approached her. He apologised for his cruelty to my uncle and explained that he now had a son with special needs, and it broke his heart seeing him get bullied and the resulting upset for his wee boy. My auntie was pleasant and polite to the bloke, but said it wasn't up to her to forgive him. I think she still hates him. I know my mum boils with rage when she talks about the way those boys hurt my uncle.
Suffice to say, it was always drummed into me that it was unacceptable to bully people for being different. I was always the defender, telling the bullies to piss off.
@ Jeremy Ross #5
top field at lunchtime Ross. dead meat.
@ Stevo #3 - Karma is a bitch.
No matter what you do in your life, if you are hurting someone else, it is guaranteed to come back to you x3.
I look at all the horrible girls that use to bully me, my cousin included and there they sit, jobless, baby or 2 and no husband/father to share it with. To be honest this stuff still breaks my heart to think that there are so many single mother females in NZ thinking that a baby would turn their life around. Granted, in some cases it has but our offspring deserve more!
Right then, after that mini tangent the moral to the story is: Treat others as you want to be treated yourself.
The bully that stands out in my mind was a vile shrew of a PE teacher back when I was at school. I did get my revenge, and the best thing was that I didn’t even have to lift a finger – Fate did all the work for me.
It seems that in the end there were just too many complaints from parents and/or the ERO officials. She was given the opportunity to resign from her job and thus escape disciplinary procedures. She married (unhappy singletons, take note: if she could do it so can you, because she sure didn’t make up for that personality with looks), popped out a couple of sprogs and presumably came to the attention of CYPS in due course. Meanwhile I went to uni, did well and got a better salary than she would have had. Life is good sometimes.
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I got glasses when I was 9, at primary school. This one boy decided that it was a good idea to now pick on me, because I had glasses. Now, being a shy, timid sort of kid anyway, I didn't react well to that, and he was quite a large guy. Well, as large as a 9 year old can be, anyway. So this one guy was the bane of my life from ages 9 to 11. I hated him so much. Eventually I went to high school and didn't see him any more.
So when I was about 20, I saw him, in town, in a nightclub. I had changed a LOT so when I walked up to him he didn't even recognise me! I proceeded to tell him who I was, and that I absolutely HATED him, and he should rot in hell, etc, etc, and any other mean thing I could think of.
He was absolutely floored. I don't think he realised how much he'd affected me! I got apologies, hugs, and drinks all night (which his g/f didn't look to happy about). Everytime I see him now he comes and asks me how I am. So it worked out in the end, I guess. And I never bullied anyone while at school. I always thought being a bully was more of a guy thing.