Watching a good friend die

BY NICK CHURCHOUSE

I'm feeling a little like the world just isn't fair this morning.

I've watched a close friend of mine deteriorate over the past few years, but this year it's become particularly pronounced. Every time I see him I notice things going wrong that weren't there before.

I don't talk about it, I don't acknowledge it, because I don't want him to know I know. I mean obviously he knows I know because we have been tight for going on seven years now, and you just don't not notice that stuff.

I guess partly it's because I don't want to admit it's happening too, for my own peace of mind. We've seen some times together. We've met girls together, travelled the world together, spent long nights chatting together, and he knows as much about me as anyone.

To some extent he's pretty much organised my life and helped me keep in touch with so many people. There have been some hard truths said between us, but he's tough and we go deeper than that, and we always end up coming back to the seamless relationship we have.

Sometimes he needs a boost, sometimes I press his buttons. But these days those buttons are getting harder to press. He's lost a little of his lustre, partly due to the hard living the two of us have been through. I mean we practically live in each other's pockets - well, definitely him in mine. He's forgetting things and is a little slow these days to get the message when something's going down.

It's hard to watch and I've held out admitting it to myself because as far as phones go, my trusty Nokia has been the best goddamn pal I've ever known.

I left him temporarily for a lush Singaporean iPhone a couple of years back. But it didn't last. Before that there was this skinny, slinky Motorola but she didn't have the juice to keep up with me. I came back each time, and he was waiting, pretending he didn't want me back but really all he needed was a bit of a charge.

Simplicity is the key to our relationship. He knows all my friends, but sticks solely with me. I fill in my days in his diary and he keeps me up to date with what's going on. And that's pretty much it.

We don't play games. We don't mess around on the net. We only play music occasionally.

But as things start to look increasingly dicey for ol' Noik, I have to force myself to think about life without him. I'm gonna have to say goodbye before he fades away completely or I won't be able to handle it. It's horrible to think about. I've tried leaving before but nothing seems as good as what me and Noik have together. I don't want to let it go.

I reckon he's got another few months in him. I'd like to say a year, but I'd be dreaming, and if I turned to him one day and he wasn't there... well, suffice to say I'd be more Lost than I have ever been.

I need to plan this, for his sake and mine. I need a new phone. But don't tell Noik. Not yet. I want to tell him myself. I just have to find a way to bring myself to do it.

Any advice?

- © Fairfax NZ News