Doc Martin bites the bullet
Not only did the long-suffering Louisa from Doc Martin (Thursday, TV1, 8.30pm) get to wear the plainest wedding gown ever worn in a contemporary TV wedding ceremony, she also missed out on her threshold moment – her dyspeptic husband clumsily carrying her across a river instead of a doorway in the first episode of the sixth series.
Their baby son James yelled in that part of the ceremony that asks for just cause to the impediment of the marriage to which his great-aunt muttered darkly: "Out of the mouths of babes" laying odds at the staying power of the improbable union between her anti-social nephew Martin and the lovely Louisa.
The Doc struggled to perform his part as the groom in front of the village who for the most part turned up uninvited to the ceremony and the reception.
Joe, the cop, was not asked to be best man but insisted on embracing the role and was cut off mid-speech as a waiting car, driven by Mark Prody, spirited the happy couple away to stay at a run-down lodge.
Prody dropped them off forgetting to give the newlyweds their suitcases, leaving them to cope with a series of calamities, including a blocked flue to an unused fire which coated them in coal dust.
Martin made the decision they should walk to the next farm house to find a phone and get their clothes brought to them but got lost in the woods and happened upon a caravan site lauded over by an eccentric gun-toting old loner. Louisa got hold of the gun turning it into a shotgun wedding and in the ensuing melee the old guy came out the worse for wear as we watched the Doc replace a dislocated shoulder with great bone-grinding sound effects, then perform a No 8 wire carotid artery op using the hairclips from Louisa's veil as medical props.
The blood-splattered couple still in wedding regalia wheeling the old guy in a wheelbarrow down the road looked like something out of a Vincent Ward movie crossed with the barrow-pushing scene from Mr Pip.
Not a good start to married life but an OK start to the new series, once you got used to Doc Martin and Louisa out of their charming habitat of Portwenn, the dis-location contributing to making this episode what Sam Neill would refer to as Cinema of Unease.
ONE TO WATCH
Another difficult relationship is under strain in Bones returning tonight on Prime at 8.30pm with Booth unable to reveal to Temperance why he's reneged on marrying her.
The Dominion Post