Ask Greer Friday: Friends - or something more?

09:06am 20 Nov 2009 33 comments

By GREER McDONALD

'C' from Wellington writes:

So here it is. Could you define friend with benefits?

I've heard a few things as to what it is such as someone you see strictly for sexy time and nothing else, but then when you think of the term it's someone who is already a friend who you fool round with.

I'm kinda confused with my "situation". Me and this guy I met have been friends with benefits for around 10 months or so. It's like we're more than friends with benefits but less than in a relationship.

He's asked me out a few times, but I still feel don't know how I feel towards him. I like spending time with him, going out and I stay over at his house etc.

Sloppy Seconds

07:49pm 13 Nov 2009 86 comments

By GREER McDONALD

Blog reader Shane asked if there was an "unwritten law" that follows when a mate breaks up with a partner. 

"Is it ok for you to pursue the partner? Ok, never ok, or ok after a long period has passed? What's the common practice out there?"

First things first: let's be honest, the situation is far from perfect, is it?

It would be easier for all parties involved if everyone just dated someone knew rather than mopping up someone else's sloppy seconds.

But that's not how this funny little world works.

They say friends make the best lovers so the friendships you build with someone when they are your mate's partner do count for something, and are often the thing that leads to furthering the new relationship down the line.

Reasons it's good to be single #9 - Grooming

08:00am 16 Nov 2009 52 comments

BY GREER McDONALD

I'm back - didja miss me? (Don't answer that...)

I have to say it was a great big fail in regards to "talking amongst yourselves" that I suggested in the last blog.

As commenter Geoff said, you didn't do so well.

Oh well, I'll try not to take it personally.

SoooOoOoo, we're straight back into it, with the second to last reason (for the time being) on why it's great to be unattached. 

Blog reader Kelly says: "It's great being single because if you can't be bothered shaving/waxing your legs/arm pits/bikini line there's absolutely no one to complain about your bear like covering of hair.

"I'm guessing this works for blokes as well; no one to complain about being given stubble rash/can happily participate in Movember without fair of reprisal."

Time for a refresh!

08:15am 09 Nov 2009 10 comments

By GREER McDONALD

Dearest blog reader,

There comes a time in every dating blogger's career when they need some time out from entertaining and informing the masses to well, recover, take a breath and sort out some new topic ideas.

I'm going to take a week's break from blogging this week starting today, but rest assured I will be back next week.

Ask Greer: Settling too soon?

12:54pm 05 Nov 2009 88 comments

BY GREER McDONALD

Welcome to Ask Greer Friday.

'W' writes:

It's a broad issue... maybe it would strike a nerve with some couples, maybe ring true with your readers?

I am 30 and almost ALL of my friends that are now near the home/children/marriage trifecta are what you could call high school sweethearts. First loves, generally met when they were both between 16 - 21, never explored their individual lives, the world, or their sexuality as single adults - even sharing their OEs. Me: I am in a relationship which is still quite new, but I spent most of my 20's avoiding serious relationships so I could get all the crazy out of my system. I had several girlfriends but none that I really wanted to go the distance with. 

Looking from the outside, it now feels like almost all of my friends "bought too early". They are fully committed with no easy way out, but they are different people at 30 than they were at 16. And now they are so deeply entrenched in one another's social and financial lives that saying "I don't love you anymore" might seem impossible.

I can hardly be the judge of others' relationships from the outside. But the feeling is now so strong from many of my friends that are couples of this type that my flatmate and girlfriend and I have joked there will soon be "round two". In fact one of these couples has already dramatically fallen apart.

How many couples do you know that are walking this path together more because they have been a couple for years and share their social lives entirely than because they still display any real sign of affection or love for one another, so it's just easier to say yes than no? And is it EVER something one can comment on or question their friends on easily?

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