Sex and seahorses
By GREER McDONALD - The Dominion PostI love the fact that when two seahorses have sex, they make the shape of a love heart. 
Sure, the humpy-pumpy only lasts a mere six to seven seconds - but let's face it, so do some male humans.
I discovered all this interesting information about these undersea critters when I came across this article in The Guardian, and it got me thinking about seahorses: lovemaking and pregnancy.
Seahorses, if you didn't already know, are the only animals in the world where the male variety become truly pregnant and experiences the agonies of childbirth firsthand.
Despite this strange anomaly, the rest of the relationship guff between two seahorses in love resembles us humans quite a lot, as I will present below:
"The seahorses greet each other with a nose-to-nose caress."
Human equivalent: a kiss
"Wrapping their tails around a single blade of grass, they begin a seductive dance, spiralling round and round each other."
Human equivalent: Wrapping their hands around another round of beers, they sway drunkenly on the dancefloor of a shady pub.
"A gentle humming and clicking from the male is the soundtrack to their flirting."
Human equivalent: A man burping, attempting to whisper sweet nothings in the woman's ear or the beeping of a flurry of flirty text messages
"The first time a seahorse couple meet, this gentle courtship carries on for hours, days even, and it is a risky time. Driven by hormones that interfere with the instinct to hide, they abandon the camouflaged safety of their seagrass home."
Human equivalent: The time between meeting and dating. Being "seen" together. This is when humans begin to spend time out of their homes and in neutral spaces such as cafes, bars, restaurants and movie theatres.
"The female initiates sex by reaching up toward the surface, stretching her body as straight as it will go. This proves quite irresistible to the male, who immediately responds by pumping his tail vigorously up and down."
Human equivalent: The hair toss, low cut top, "accidental" hand on leg and come-to-bed-with-me eyes of a woman. The high fiving, drool and the distinct emerging of a trouser snake for a male.
"The couple halt in the open water column and hold their bodies close, forming a heart shape with their touching snouts and bellies. Their first attempt isn't quite right, so they break apart and try again several times until their position is perfected, the female just above the male."
Human equivalent: Business time. Fumbling hands as male and female discover each other and their natural rhythms.
"Then an extraordinary thing happens. A short hollow tube emerges from the female, which she pushes into an opening in her partner's belly. 
The couple raise their heads and arch their backs as the female shoots an egg-laden liquid into the male.
Human equivalent: Try time *high five!*
"When the male is full with the precious cargo, he wanders off, his bright mating costume already fading. He sways and wiggles his body, settling the eggs into position where they will remain for the next few weeks, growing in a protected internal pond."
Human equivalent: The walk of shame, either to the bathroom to freshen up or home to gloat to anyone who would listen.
With one major difference: He wouldn't be impregnated.
So it begs the question: Men - if you could experience carrying a child to full term and giving birth to your spawn, would you? And why or why not?
And ladies - would you want men to be able to experience pregnancy? Would you let your partner carry your child if you had a choice?
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No thanks. I count my blessings everyday I was born a male. My gf is pregnant now and things are waaay weird.
Im 5 months along and pregnancy SUCKS. I would happily pass the kid over to my husband to carry! Infact every morning I yell out "it's your turn to take her to work today". I'd at least like a bit of job share!
My friends had a baby last week and the hubby is adament that he would have loved to carry the child through pregnancy.
But still, if it sucks for me, imagine how much moaning a man would do? It would be like man flu on a much larger scale!
Sure, I'd give it a shot. Looks unpleasant but if I can ask someone else to do it I'd be a hypocrite by refusing myself.
@ Thalia #1 - Now you know how we feel!
I highly doubt that male seahorses experience "agony" in "birth" seeing as they have so many young in one litter. They're tiny!
Hmmmmm let me see... No Way! You ladies can keep that privilege to yourselves thanks!
@Davo #5 is that in reference to being beaten about the head with the sacrifices your partner constantly whines about having to make so you could have a sprogg together or the comment about six to seven seconds?
Six to Seven seconds? Greer, you really have been dating the wrong guys. Give me a call sometime. ;)
I was always under the impression that the female of a species was determined by the one that does the carrying/childbirth. I'm not being sexist here, but do you think that it is remotely possible that who ever decided the gender of the sea horse got it wrong?
"Wrapping their tails around a single blade of grass, they begin a seductive dance, spiralling round and round each other." - A woman wrapping herself around a pole and teasing/flirting.
"A gentle humming and clicking from the male is the soundtrack to their flirting." - Flirtatious giggling from a female?
"The female initiates sex by reaching up toward the surface, stretching her body as straight as it will go. This proves quite irresistible to the male, who immediately responds by pumping his tail vigorously up and down." - A toned male taking off his shirt and flexing his muscles does appear to be irresistable to females.
"The couple halt in the open water column and hold their bodies close, forming a heart shape with their touching snouts and bellies. Their first attempt isn't quite right, so they break apart and try again several times until their position is perfected, the female just above the male." - Let's be honest - how common is it for Woman on top? (I think I'm going to hide after this one)
"A short hollow tube emerges from the female" - This is a PG rated blog right? I'm sure the similarities with the human male here don't need to be explained.
So I say again, Maybe they got it wrong?
As for carrying a baby to full term. No thanks. Would be hard enough watching someone I love go through that pain and discomfort, so on that front, I'd love to take any pain and discomfort away from them, but not go through it myself.
I wouldn't wish a pregnancy on anybody.
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Six to seven seconds sounds about right to me. No differences there!
I wouldn't make a man do anything I wasn't willing to do, so that would include having a child. I imagine the overwhelming response from women is going to be yes. However I can see a down side of men milking it forever that they had to go through the ordeal and how terrible it was and how grateful you should be.