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By NICK CHURCHOUSE - The Dominion Post
Last updated 08:35 03/11/2009

I'm quite reticent at expressing my feelings. But that's so last year.  

I'm also technologically eager, albeit inept, and am an avid follower of all things that are HotRightNow. I don't necessarily subscribe to them, but I like to know what's going on.

This is your brain on Twitter/Facebook/Digg/MySpace/Flickr/BeboI have to admit though, that the social media phenomenon is accelerating away from me at a rate of knots and I've not got the cyber-zap to keep up.

To some people, like my Dad, I'm like the Ranulph Fiennes of technology, leading edge stuff, but then my Dad is still working out how to send a text message. So no cutting edge kudos there.  

But to the younger and more wired-in acolytes of the connected age, I am a dinosaur lumbering along with only 3 tweets on my year-old Twitter account

I don't update my Facebook status anymore, and the MySpace page I set up in 2006 is probably in a cyber cemetery somewhere from lack of action. I think I have a Bebo account, but I should deactivate that in case I get suspected of listening to Miley Cyrus. I am so far past tweenage it's slightly sad.

The problem is, as I mentioned, I don't like to shout from the internet rooftop that I am having a bad day, or a good day, or an icecream, or an enema (I especially like to keep my enemas to myself, I trust you all appreciate that).

It's my business, and it's resoundingly boring to most people. For that matter I would have to question those people that might find my minute to minute thoughts scintillating as to why ... on ... earth?

I'm fascinating, but not THAT fascinating.

I get why celebs tweet. Exposure. Publicity. Fan base. They do the same thing by getting someone to ring the paparazzi.   

I tried getting someone to ring the paparazzi when I left work last week, but it didn't work. Given I work with them, that's understandable. They'd likely be in trouble with management for trying to sell an illicit picture of the 'hot' Lost Boy for $100,000 to Vanity Fair.

But in all seriousness, I don't know what to tweet.

Apparently Stephen Fry got it wrong and tweeted boring things, prompting a Twitty tangleup that tested his temper. If such a humorous beast cannot tweet people into hysterics and hilarity, what chance have I got?

What on earth do I say?

Not much when left to my own devices it seems. But then I'm probably not pushing my barrow terribly well. I could do better, as my primary teachers used to chime at my folks on parent-teacher nights.

I don't really identify with the little bird either. I like to be more of a wolf. Or a ferocious bear. And still, my aspirations to a connected life dredge up a vision of hours wired-in, updating constantly, when I wake up, when I cry at boot camp, when I have a particularly good day splitting wood, when I roar at the morning to assert my alpha-maleness and when I feel morose. My days would be brimming with marvellous connected linked-in-itivity. A veritable Tweetageddon.

And I'd have not time to practise I Am Sailing on the guitar, or bake banana strawberry and choc chips muffins (perfected on weekend). I'd be wed to my internet-capability, online 24/7 so all my fans did not miss a beat. And the crux of the issue is ... that would suck.  

So I don't. And I get left behind. And I wonder sheepishly if that is such a bad thing? I really should try and keep up.

Maybe I'll tweet that. It seems sufficiently philosophical.

Ha. Maybe I can be a Twittilosopher. Then you'd follow me. Surely.  

13 comments
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JeM   #1   08:53 am Nov 03 2009

Im hooked on facebook, and update my status fairly regularly with where I am (i.e "In Melbourne and loving it") as more to let loved ones know - which I think makes more sense than "I had cornflakes for breakfast. Wish I had Special K"...

So I don't understand the point of twitter. I can understand following celebs that you have a genuine interest in, or companies offering promos etc, but I think it is somewhat arrogant to expect that Joe Blogs gives a sh*t about your every moan or thought. I know I must be a minority as it has a huge following, but I just don't get it!

Thalia   #2   09:09 am Nov 03 2009

A friend of mine thinks you should should just combine all the sites into one called YouTwitFace. I don't have twitter, I already know that noone will "follow" me because my posts would be "I am at work looking at ugly mugs of society's underbelly.. oh look that guy is wearing a tinky winky constume.." I imagine its a really great waste of time but then again so is facebook and I don't need more than one waste of time (unless you count work and then I need two) this generally works well enabling me to leave my laptop for hours at a time and in fact turn it off.

guy   #3   09:15 am Nov 03 2009

twitter is not cool

xLeahx   #4   09:30 am Nov 03 2009

I am just too lazy to bother trying to update everything all the time. I have a facebook page, which I constantly forget to check.

Loz   #5   10:33 am Nov 03 2009

I wouldn't waste my time on twitter, even if you paid me to! I just don't see the point of it.

I'm a FB gal, but even then it's only for the mindless games and to keep tabs on a couple of old mates.

dragonzflame   #6   10:54 am Nov 03 2009

I have a web-based business, which I have just recently started using Twitter for. I also don't really see the point for myself personally (nobody cares how many coffees I've had today), but for the business side of things it's a good way of keeping in the minds of people I met at a conference, and for sharing bits and pieces. Also, it helps me keep my Facebook personal.

I'm still not 100% about it, but it seems to be serving a purpose at the moment.

paul   #7   10:58 am Nov 03 2009

I tweet... about once or twice a year. Almost due to do it again.

gbsmama   #8   10:59 am Nov 03 2009

Thank goodness I thought I was the only one. I just dont get it. I don't do any of them. I figure if I want people to know what I'm up to, I'll tell them personally, and if I want to know what they're up to, I'll ask them. Can understand people who are travelling using these to let loved ones know where they are, but really it only works if said loved ones have their own accounts/are following you. In which case an email or text would probably work better.

Scott   #9   12:11 pm Nov 03 2009

I can't twitter, facebook, myspace, bebo, or even youtube from work during the day. There's this thing called a firewall which blocks the lot (as well as all of Stuff's ads).

I read a very few select twitters when I remember, I do have a facebook account (but its only to try to play games), and my myspace page is so old I can't even remember where I left it. Apart from those few aberrations I just don't see the point of most of this.

NoAngel   #10   01:37 pm Nov 03 2009

A workmate joined me up to Facebook for my birthday in July, effectively telling me that I was at risk of being technologically left behind (she stopped short of calling me an old bag) ... am lucky if I look at it once a month. It's always got messages from her. I felt like yelling out... "Hey chick, we work 3 desks away from each other. Talk to me!!"

Nah, I'll blog if work allows, but you can keep your FB, twitter etc.


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