What is it like to be neither female nor male?

CONTENT IN HER SKIN: Mani Mitchell spent her first year as a boy called Bruce but later had surgery and was raised as a girl. She eventually stopped shaving her facial hair and lives openly as an intersex person.

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One spent the first year of life as a boy, the other was raised as a girl.

But both are now leading starkly different lives.

Mani Bruce Mitchell and Yann Bradburn were intersex babies.

Or "hermaphrodites".

But after haunting "corrective surgeries" and childhoods of secrecy and shame, they are now living openly as intersex people.

Bradburn is 55. For 50 years s/he lived as a female called Lea. Five years ago s/he began taking hormone treatments to be able to live as a male. "I wanted to see if it could undo any of the surgery."

One in 2000 babies are born intersex. Some are extreme cases with sexual anatomy that does not fit the definition of male or female.

But most - like South African 800-metre champion Caster Semenya, hounded over her masculine frame and outed by media as a "hermaphrodite" -  will grow up never knowing, or only finding out they are intersex when they reach puberty or have fertility problems.

Bradburn and 56-year-old Mitchell were extreme cases.

It took nine days before doctors decided Bradburn should be raised as a female. "It's tricky for parents, the first thing people say when you have a baby is, 'is it a boy or girl'? It's heartbreaking for parents not to be able to answer that," Bradburn says.

Two operations followed and there were pink dresses and dolls to "make me more feminine". Most intersex infants became girls because "it's easier to take off than put on".

Bradburn's childhood was loving but lonely. S/he became reclusive and says there were big elements of guilt and shame. "I always knew I was born different and had a different body ... basically my body was something that could never be shown to anyone."

Intersex is different from transgender, where a person is born one sex but yearns to be the other.

Intersex people live in limbo. "I could never really understand the difference between male and female. I am both," says Bradburn, whose passport has an 'X' for gender.

"I know I'm not male. I know I'm not female. I'm intersex."

Mitchell agrees. "I see myself as a female who is a little bit male."

In 1953 Mitchell was born with a vaginal opening and small male genitalia. The young nurse in the delivery room said: "'On my God, it's a hermaphrodite," her mother later told Mitchell in the only conversation they had about her sex.

She lived as a boy named Bruce for a year. Then she became Mani and at eight had surgery to remove her penis, but was never told why.

Mitchell lives as a woman but has stopped shaving her facial hair. "I would describe myself as being content in my own skin. It's taken a long time ..."

Growing up in small towns was not easy, but now the Wellington teacher-turned-counsellor is happy to have "come out".

The intersex label was first used publicly here in 1996 but still its people shy away from the spotlight.

But both Bradburn and Mitchell believe it is important to be visible to raise awareness. "I think the point is we live in a world that sees in a binary way, in a black and white way," Mitchell says. For Bradburn, a textile designer who now works with boys with behavioural problems, Mitchell was the first other intersex person s/he met.

Now their small community is calling for the practice of sex-assignment surgery to be stopped till the child is old enough to make their own decision. Bradburn, who lives in Hamilton and has a female partner, says surgery is necessary sometimes but most times it is "cosmetic" and takes away all sensation and ability to have a sexual life.

After decades in hiding, intersex people still find it difficult to talk openly. "We are a damaged group of people. We have been messed around since we were kids and taught shame and fear," Bradburn says.

One of their fears is that people sometimes seek them out as sexual partners, wrongly believing they must be half man, half woman.

In 2006, the Human Rights Commission began an inquiry into discrimination of transgender people, but intersex people also voiced their concerns, telling of secrecy and shame leaving them vulnerable to discrimination and abuse.

In its report last year the commission said there needed to be more education and dialogue about the human rights of intersex people.

Bradburn says people need to be accepting of differences. "There's an expectation we all should be the same well wouldn't that be a boring world?"

WHAT IS INTERSEX?

Intersex is an umbrella medical term covering at least 30 different conditions for people born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that does not fit the typical definitions of male or female.

This could be a baby who could appear to be female on the outside but have male-typical anatomy inside. Once called hermaphrodites, the preferred term now is intersex, though some people, including Yann Bradburn, are reclaiming the term hermaphrodite.

Source: Intersex Society of North America Intersex in New Zealand

There are no official records of intersex people:

* It is not known for sure how many intersex New Zealanders there are, but about 1 in 2000 babies are born intersex.

* Between 35 and 40 intersex babies are born in New Zealand each year.

Source: Intersex Awareness New Zealand