What the Kiwi gossip mags say
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Three engaged celebrity couples hit the headlines as Amber Peebles and Joe Cotton say 'yes' in vastly different circumstances, while Doug Howlett brings his engagement forward after a run-in with the law.
Woman's Day reports the All Black - who was arrested in London over alleged damage to cars following his team's shock exit from the Rugby World Cup - will marry former cheerleader Monique Everard in a ceremony before Christmas, despite originally planning it for the middle of 2008.
If they're that desperate, perhaps Las Vegas could be an option. There's nothing classier than having an Elvis impersonator as your witness.
"They won't let what happened put a dampener on things," an unnamed source tells WD. "It'll be a big proper wedding and it's costing a lot more than $30,000 or whatever the bill at the Hilton was supposed to be."
That doesn't sound like a very reliable source.
WD scores bigger interviews, landing comments from Monique's father Scott - "they just had a few too many", he claims - and Doug's elderly grandmother Nancy, who's more than happy to put the boot into her grandson.
"Quite frankly, it was stupid," Nancy tells WD. "Dougie's only 29, he's a chicken still and he will come through it well." Doug will no doubt be sending his grandmother a thank-you card for calling him a "chicken".
On the brighter side, telly babe Amber Peebles and radio personality Joe Cotton are both engaged. One was in Paris, the other was arguing about putting the rubbish out. Can you guess which is which?
Let's start with the glamour couple. Goofy Target host Brooke Howard-Smith went all out to impress his girlfriend of three years, MTV presenter Amber, by getting down on one knee in the city of love. No, not Baghdad - Paris.
By rallying Amber's workmates, Brooke tricked her into boarding a flight to Paris by making her think she was heading to Sydney for work. "I was so confused," Amber tells New Idea. Yep, and now that Brooke's lied to you once, he could do it again.
After landing, Brooke took his jet-lagged missus out for a romantic meal before proposing in front of the Louvre. Possibly speaking in a dodgy French accent while wearing a beret and a fake moustache.
"We're the kind of people who do extravagant gestures," Brooke tells New Idea. "I was so afraid - I was so nervous I paused five times and stumbled from sentence to sentence."
It wasn't planned quite to perfection. Brooke proposed with a diamond but no ring, so Amber is wearing a "holding ring" while she designs her own. Those Coke can pull-rings are so handy.
Unfortunately, radio DJ and reality television star Joe Cotton can't match Brooke's effort. Her partner of three years Daniel got down on one knee after being asked to take the rubbish out. Now that's romance for ya.
"I thought he was trying to get out of (putting out the rubbish), so I was about to tell him off," Joe tells Woman's Day. "I was so shocked. I never expected to get engaged over the rubbish."
That stench of rotting veges, three-day old roasts and McDonalds wrappers must have sealed the deal.
Despite happily posing for photographs wearing a wedding dress, Joe tells WD the pair will be waiting until 2009 for the wedding ceremony. Well, she's got to find time for the inevitable TrueBliss reunion tour first.
Also hitting the headlines this week:
Finally, the quote of the week comes from model Jordan, who wants to go under the knife one more time: "My breasts have gone saggy after three children, so I want them perked up. I'm going for the fake, American-style boob job - I really love that."
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