Musical Battleships II: The Singstar Challenge

Regular readers (Hi mum!) will remember that I sat down to a game of Musical Battleships with my wife, Katy (and if you don't remember or are an irregular reader, that's the beauty of having a link to click on). We talked, that time, about the music that I liked and that she didn't - and vice versa.

I thought we could have another go - so last night we parked the laptops up, their lids resting against each other, locked in combat we were ready to hack it out. But we were far more wayward this time. I urge you to stick with the dialogue though - as I have really got myself in trouble. And you guys all get to be involved. Make sure you read to the end - then cast your vote. Enjoy:

Simon: So you reckon we should talk about music habits?

Katy: Well, here's a question. Do you feel that you are at all obsessive compulsive with music?

Simon: Um, a little. Can you say a little bit obsessive compulsive? I have certain artists I like to retain everything of - I like to hear the mistakes as well as the great stuff - "if you believe in God it's because of the Devil" - I got that from Enigma's first album - which I have not thrown away, by the way...

Katy: That wasn't so bad. The Enigma album...

Simon: Nah - it's a bit of a classic. I like having things like that on CD - it's a very CD-thing to have. A time-capsule thing...

Katy: Tell me about your approach to silence...

Simon: ...

Katy: IE: the absence of music for more than just the duration of a sleep.

Simon: Damn - was going to say that I hardly ever have music on when I sleep.

Katy: Yes, I knew that, instinctively.

Simon: People that read this blog hear from me every day (apart from weekends). I think they'd rather hear about your approach...

Katy: Well stop talking about yourself and ask me something.

Simon: Do you mind if I talk about myself a bit more? There - that's a question for you!

Katy: Depends what I get out of it.

Simon: Erm - okay - here we go, serious now: what is your approach to silence? Apart from poor choice of husband in that area.

Katy: I love music. But I love silence more.

Simon: Really!? More?!

Katy: I'm not going to get Zen on you - well, not here - but as transcendental as music can be, silence (to me) is on a whole other level. Although I guess there's no such thing as total silence - just like it's impossible to think nothing.

Simon: That's not true. I think nothing of a lot of music. It's one of the saddest parts about reviewing: the 2-star album that's not your cup of tea but isn't ghastly but means very little. I'd rather really hate something.

Katy: Sorry, what are you referring to?

Simon: The think nothing part. I think nothing about lots of music...

Katy: I mean when you were little and you're lying in bed and trying to think about nothing and the more you try to think about NOTHING, the more the whole world crowds in.

Simon: Oh - I was never little...

Katy: No. But you were pretty cute in those gold hot pants.

Simon: We weren't going to mention those this time.

Katy: Weren't we? I don't think I got that memo...

Simon: That'd be right.

Katy: Silence is golden.

Simon: Crap song.

Katy: But my eyes still see. What is the meaning of that lyric, do you think?

Simon: It's very Zen which, when spelt backwards, is French for nose - think about THAT. The nose is right between the eyes...deep!

Katy: No, just stupid.

Simon: Stupidly deep?

Katy: Profoundly shallow. Anyway, back to me...

Simon: Yes - back to you, my dear...

Katy: I could be washing my hair right now.

Simon: And...?

Katy: So back to a safer subject.

Simon: Yes...

Katy: Me, you, silence, music, gigs, rock 'n roll...

Simon: One of these things is not like the other...

Katy: Radically different, in fact.

Simon: You are.

Katy: When you dream, do your dreams have music in them?

Simon: Nah - hardly ever anyway. And not that I remember. I used to daydream that I played drums in Peter Frampton's band - playing to Do You Feel Like We Do...but I was 13 and playing along to Do You Feel Like We Do while I day dreamed that...so...

Katy: Aah... okay, shall we talk about musical Daydreams?

Simon: Sure...you go first. Well - I kinda have...

Katy: I always wanted to be in a musical but was too shy. This is when I was quite small, I mean.

Simon: You could have hid in the chorus?

Katy: Now the closest I get is Singstar.

Simon: I don't think you should get too close to Singstar.

Katy: Which - by the way - you refuse to participate in, even though it's only a bit of drunken fun...why?

Simon: It's about the one aspect I take seriously.  I don't mind sliding along a dance floor - face first; I don't mind people telling me I can't play the drums. But a YouTube clip of me singing badly would not be good for business. I know that's pathetic but that's how I see it. Achilles' heel...

Katy: It might actually be quite good for business, in a perverse, train-wreck kinda way.

Simon: Hmm...okay - maybe we could put it on the blog...a video of how bad I am at singing...?

Katy: Would you be up for that?

Simon: We could get people to vote?

Katy: You've shown off your dance-floor shiner - this seems like the logical next step...

Simon: If I knew the logical next step I'd not have had a dance-floor shiner!

Katy: Semantics.

Simon: Okay - we can do that. Readers need to know that we own Singstar and Singstar Vol. 2 (for Playstation 3) and they can choose a song from either of those...

Katy: This could be quite funny actually - and once the video is out in the world people really will have cause to say who are you to criticise?

Simon: Yes they will...people will be able to have a good laugh - I doubt they'd be able to listen to more than 20 seconds of any song I mangle but my argument would be that f**kall singers can write reviews or blogs about music...

Katy: I'm looking forward to it already.

Simon: How do you know the lead singer is at the door?

Katy: How?

Simon: Because they can't find the right key and don't know when to come in!

Katy: Knock Knock:

Simon: Who's there?

Katy: The lead singer! The lead singer!

Simon: Hahaha. Okay back to this mad Singstar thing... I will do it. But I feel we need to draw something up.

Katy: Good. This constitutes a social contract.

Simon: It's me vs. the whole audience here...

Katy: Witnessed by the Blog on the Tracks community. Yes, we need something in writing. I will form the committee. And The Singstar Committee. I think I need to involve 'Iknowwhereyoulive'...who happens to be a Singstar guru. It will take place at the next door neighbours'.

Simon: Unfair! This is going to make me feel like a burnt steak! (Small, tough and the chips are always stacked against it - thanking you Mike from The Young Ones.)

Katy: Well it's not just going to be you and me. How much fun would that be?

Simon: True.

Katy: I can get you drivelling any night of the week.

Simon S**t! I've said I'll do this; they always said my mouth would come back to haunt me one day...

Katy: And it haunts you all the time. So, what other reader input do we need with this? What outfit you should wear for performance?

Simon: Gold hot pants?

Katy: Give me some advance notice if that's the case... we're going to need to get those things custom-made. And should you do a Penguin Slide intro/outro?

Simon: If I mistimed the slide intro (again) I wouldn't be able to sing...

Katy: Desperate measures...

Simon: What I am getting at here is...what does the reader-audience have to do for me? Why do I have to film myself doing Singstar?! Is it just because I opened my mouth...?

Katy: Because you love it. And are shameless.

Simon: I love you - and am ashamed of you for helping me paint myself in this corner!

Katy: Does that make you about as classy as a reality TV star? But it's all in the name of good fun, right?

Simon: Yes - I just feel there needs to be some sort of deal...so far we've got "readers pick a song and Simon makes a cock of himself".

Katy: Instead of the Singstar ratings, you can get reader ratings...sounds okay to me. We all know your hide is pretty tough.

Simon: Yeah - true, but this really is making it tough to hide. Okay - I am up for this.

Katy: Yes?

Simon: And the deal is what exactly? The most votes for a particular song and then I go ahead and do that song, yeah?

Katy: I will video.

Simon: Hey, so - are we actually sure readers will want this torture? I could just post a YouTube of Wing couldn't I?

Katy: Maybe once Wing gets wind of you she will want to duet with you?

Simon: I wouldn't want to drag her down...she soars! (Especially, compared to me.)

Katy: Wing ain't seen nothing yet!

Simon: But her eyes still see?

Katy: Exactly!

Simon: Do you think people are going to think that I am trying my best to oversell how bad I am...because you know that I'm not (overselling it, that is). Right? I really am shocking. I make Hollie Smith look good!

Katy: Okay - can I make an aside to the readers here, by way of reassurance/warning? SIMON IS PRETTY BAD. He is pretty much tone deaf.

Simon: Pretty much...? That's kind, dear...

Katy: don't call me dear.

Simon: True, you were a bargain!

Katy: I think what you mean is that I was a find.

Simon: oh for sure. Like when I got that brilliant Robert Belfour CD, and only $2!!

Katy: maybe I need to wash my hair now. 

*

This is - apparently - very serious. Once again click here for the first Singstar and click here for Vol. 2. Choose the song you think I should murder. And the most votes will dictate the choice of song you'll never want to hear again!

(The catch is: there needs to be at least 117 comments before I will do it).