Someone mentioned The Cranberries the other day. I wish they hadn't. Just like you're probably wishing I hadn't mentioned them now. Probably?
I used to have one memory of The Cranberries. It was of that song Linger. Sad that the song Linger informed the memory that stayed with me (did I have to, did I have to, let it linger? Apparently my mind was saying yes to that).
And I had that memory because I used to play that song in a band. We didn't do a bad version of it - it was just a very unfulfilling tune to play. That in itself is not the hugest issue, tends to happen often (especially playing covers; especially as a working band). You are there to play songs other people might like, not songs you like. When it happens that you like it too it's a bonus, a happy coincidence.
Our singer was okay at singing Linger; she had a voice that suited it - I guess. I don't know. I try not to think about it. I even played in a band that rehearsed a version of Zombie - now this would have been a lot worse. This would have stayed with me forever. But fortunately it never got out of the starting blocks.
Anyway, I have a new memory of The Cranberries.
We were in Wanaka just over a year ago. It was nearly 40 degrees; searing heat. Cracker day. And we were out in the car with mates. We had a wedding to attend later that day. Good times. There was one CD in the car - no one knew what it was. It didn't have a cover. I made the mistake of putting it in the car stereo. There's only one way to find out what it is...
Instantly: do do do do - do do do do...
Yep, it was The Cranberries.
Instantly: I wanted to be sick.
What was it/is it about The Cranberries that makes me want to puke? That makes me prepared to eat that vomit in exchange for never having to hear them again?
Well - it's definitely Dolores - with her voice. And her look. And her voice. And her face. And what's in her head - in her head...um, sorry, weird flashback. It is definitely Dolores, all Roxette-meets-Sinead O'Connor.
But the band members were obviously a pack of saps too. Along for the ride.
That song - Ode To My Family - the do do do do one - that is almost as bad as Zombie. In fact, to me it's as bad. Maybe even worse? In fact, after that day in Wanaka it's definitely worse. It was an instant reaction for me. I wanted to be sick. I felt the need to be sick. And all because of Dolores and her awful songs.
And then I realised that maybe this new memory was feeding in to the other memory; the one of me playing Linger. That was a possibility. But either way, fingers were either hitting the eject button on the stereo, or they were reaching for the eject button (aka tonsils) that I keep in my throat.
I was very tempted to throw the CD out of the car window. But if there's one thing you should like less than The Cranberries it's a litterbug.
Even now - thinking about this - I cannot explain why I loathe The Cranberries beyond stating that they make me want to be sick. Their music makes me feel that way. Instantly.
I hate I Can't Be With You and Twenty One. I hate Dreams and Sunday. I hate I Just Shot John Lennon (and I don't even really like John Lennon). I hate Salvation and Free To Decide. And I hate Zombie and I hate f**king Linger.
I hate songs by The Cranberries I haven't even heard yet.
And yes - I know that's not even close to rational. But it's close to the truth. Very close.
So you must have a band you feel the same way about? Right? Surely?
What band makes you want to be sick? What band fills you with a baffling and baffled rage? What band is to you as The Cranberries are to me? And is your example also The Cranberries? It should be.
Also - I'm sorry I brought them up.
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