The worst television shows of 2013

00:15, Dec 31 2013

While 2013 undoubtedly had some television high points I'm left a little concerned heading into 2014.

Certain television shows, which I've mentioned more than once in my despatches to date, have been consigned to memories.

And the replacements, certainly those that formed the fall season in the United States, are less than impressive.

So with a new year on the horizon, let's take a trip back through the worst television I managed to stomach this year.

Note: I refuse to watch Mrs Browns Boys or 2 Broke Girls, hence they are missing only because I'd rather be poked by a cattle prod 24 hours a day than give them any further viewing.

The most disappointing show, by quite some distance, is Marvel's Agents of SHIELD.


Coming off the back of one of the biggest cinema hits ever there was a degree of expectation that has, so far, yet to be delivered by its small screen cousin.

It's not that it's bad - it's not. It's just not as good as it could and should have been.

The showrunners are Jed Whedon and Maurissa Tanchareon - Joss Whedon's brother and sister-in-law who were a large part of the success of one of the best things I've ever seen - Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog.

But so far they can't even count on me as a regular viewer. I'll give this another shot when it airs over here in 2014, but it's got to get better quickly for me to stay with it.

Joining SHIELD in the naughty corner is Downton Abbey. I came to the show late and binge-watched everything I had missed earlier this year.

And I loved it - up until the latter part of season three.

The final nail in the coffin, no pun intented, turns out to have been the death of Matthew Crawley.

The new season has been a poor imitation of the first three and with a simply ridiculous rape plot apparently designed simply to drive two beloved characters apart it's failing to hold my interest.

Time will tell whether I'm willing to give it another shot.

I'm quick to praise New Zealand television shows but I can equally show it's not blind loyalty.

That's because 'The Radio' was, hands down, the worst NZ-made show that screened on television this year outside of reality television.

The most frustrating thing is that both Jeremy Corbett and Paul Ego show on a regular basis on 7 Days that they can be funny.

This was anything but, however, and even Urzila Carlson couldn't save this from television disaster.

I've had funnier vasectomies. Well, just the one, obviously.

However none of what I've mentioned so far comes close to beating the worst thing I watched not only this year, but just about any year.

That dubious honour goes to Dads, a comedy in name only and at it's heart a crude, racist and achingly unfunny piece of trash.

It's got a great cast and I've laughed more than not at Family Guy over the years - but if I was executive producer Seth MacFarlane I'd be asking for my name to be removed.

I'm most disappointed in Seth Green. He was Scott Evil! He does Robot Chicken. Yet he thought giggling like a stereotypical Japanese schoolgirl was funny.

And Peter Riegert? He was 'Boon' in National Lampoon's Animal House. And he was in one of the greatest movies of all time, Local Hero.

I don't care if pilot episodes don't wow me - I'm usually willing to give them a few more to make good.

But when one makes me sick to my stomach and makes me angry instead of laugh, I won't even consider giving it another watch.

There were a few others which were shockingly bad but which didn't annoy me quite as much this year:

How I Met Your Mother is in it's (mercifully) final season. This whole season is based around the few days leading up to Barney and Robin's wedding. And it's been terrible. The only - and I mean only - good moment was a moment with Ted and the future mother of his children up a lighthouse.

If you love 'zany' Robin Williams then you migth be able to give The Crazy Ones some love - I just end up wanting to punch him, and that was only five minutes in to the first episode.

'Sean Saves The World', 'We Are Men', 'Best Bits', 'Super Fun Night' and 'The Millers' (how could you, Gob? How could you?) are all terrible, unfunny and deserve to be ignored.

The final word goes to a show so bad that I didn't even know it was a thing until I watched Charlie Brooker's 2013 Wipe last night - 'Your Face Sounds Familiar'.

Celebrities, and I use that in the loosest manner possible, dress up and sing as famous acts.

Like UK comedian Bobby Davro dressing up as Dolly Parton. Hahaha. Isn't that funny. She's female and has big boobs, you see. And he's a man. Haha.

They sound nothing like the original acts so it's not a tribute. It's just wrong.

But the idea came from Spanish television - and they went so much further when they dressed up a blonde woman as... Stevie Wonder.

Words fail me. See for yourself just how bad it was:

And that's it for 2013 folks. Tell me what your least favourite shows in 2013 were and join me in the new year for more televisiual deconstruction!