My birthday is this weekend and I'll be turning the grand old age of mumblemumblenoneofyourbusiness. I will be celebrating my impending decrepitude by having drinks with friends at a central Auckland bar.
This has got me to thinking about fictional drinks from books that I wish were real. How often have you turned the pages of a novel, and read the description of some drink either so (imaginarily - is that a word?) delicious or awesome that you'd give anything for a taste. Just a gulp, a sip, a tiny drop.
If by some trick of magic I somehow found myself at a bar that could serve me any fictional drink my heart desires, any at all, here's what I'd be plonking down my credit card for:
Butterbeer (Harry Potter)
On cold winter nights, who wouldn't give their left arm for a foaming tankard of butterbeer - the drink of choice in the wizarding world? Heck, you can even get cold butterbeer for summer, but as the taste has been described as like "less-sickly butterscotch", I'm not sure ice-cold is the way to go. Since Harry and his mates were underage in the novels, I'm presuming there's not much alcoholic content in these and hey, because it's magic, maybe it's calorie-free too!
Pan-galactic gargle blaster (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - pictured)
Described as the best drink in existence, it's meant to have an effect on you "like having your brains smashed in with a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick". It was invented by Zaphod Beeblebrox, who says it's the alcoholic equivalent to mugging: expensive and bad for the head. Here's the recipe. I imagine an Earth equivalent would have lots and lots of absinthe and tequila, and a twist of madness.
Tru Blood (Southern Vampire Mysteries)
You can get "real-life" versions of Tru Blood, which is just incredibly expensive blood-orange fizzy drink and nowhere near as exciting. In the vampire world, this is artificial blood and has been described as somewhat flat compared to the real thing pumping in the veins of living humans. I want to try this just to figure out if I'm an O+ or A- or some other blood type. Maybe AO+? Is that possible?
Moloko Plus aka Knifey Moloko (A Clockwork Orange)
There's no actual recipe for this drink in the book, but it's imbibed by people preparing for "ultra-violence". Goodness only knows what goes into the concoction. I kinda want to visit the Korovo Milk Bar that serves this drink in the novel, which is described as a milk bar that serves "milk with knives in it". I should probably borrow Harry Potter's invisibility cloak before I do that though, so I can make sure to get out of there alive.
Drink Me (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland)
A drink that can shrink you into a teeny peanut size? Hell yes! In the book, it says that the drink tastes like "a mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pineapple, roast turkey, toffee and hot buttered toast". It was rumoured that Lewis Carroll was high as a kite while writing this (supposedly on LSD), but this has been proven to be untrue. The dude was an Anglican deacon and professor of mathematics. He was high on Jesus, and square roots (maths isn't my strong point).
I haven't had the pleasure of reading the Discworld series yet, but a friend alerted me to Scumble - and I turned to the great god Google to find out what it is. It sounds like very strong apple cider, and meant to be drunk months apart. Not sure why, can any Discworld fans enlighten me? You can also combine scumble with dwarfish beer to create a lethal cocktail. Wonder what would happen if you lit it on fire.
What are your favourite fictional drinks?
Follow me on Twitter