A bullet with your name on it?

As I was driving to work this morning and idly flicking radio channels in search of music (no luck) or news (I always flick over in time for the cricket report for some reason), I heard one breakfast team blithering on about lame stalkers.

I have never had a stalker, lame or otherwise. The closest I got was a guy coming up to me in Victoria Square one morning to tell me he often watches me walking across the square in the mornings - but he turned out to be an ex-bf of my sister, so not really my stalker, per se... (No one's forged a fake Twitter or Facebook account for me either which is a shame, because I'm essentially quite lazy about keeping in touch with people and it would be handy if someone else did it for me...)

Anyway, given my general lack of desirability to stalkerdom in general, it was a little alarming to receive a bullet in the mail this morning.

Thankfully, it didn't have my name on it. It had "The Wolfman" embossed on it. (How rude, I thought. I'm not that hairy, surely!)

A wee card with a snippet of doggerel (or should that be wolfferel?) suggests the bullet may be useful, thus: Should your luck run dry and you find yourself confronted by the wolfman under the full moon's light, this blessed silver bullet may be the last lifeline able to save you from your plight. 

Doesn't quite scan, but nevertheless, I appreciate Paramount Pictures/Universal Studios' willingness to protect this film reviewer from werewolf attack. Quite endearing. If I should meet Benecio del Toro on a full moon, or indeed any other time of the month, I will make sure to throw the bullet at his head (not owning a gun, you see).

I haven't seen The Wolfman movie yet, but I've noticed that del Toro's costars have made slightly embarrassed statements like "I thought the three or four scenes that weren't to do with running around chasing werewolves were very well written" (Hugo Weaving) and "Hopefully the movie will make a big splash and I won't think I've sold out" (Emily Blunt).

Other alarming mail this morning included a delivery (to the chief reporter actually but she willingly shared) of Yellow chocolate, as created by that guy in the TV ads. It smells awfully like those fruity erasers you used to get at primary school (you know, that really manufactured fake fruit scent - not even as nice as sniffing Strawberry Shortcake dolls ... not that I did that or anything...). Sort of Perky Nana crossed with Pineapple Lump (and according to a colleague, that's what it tastes like too).

The colour of the so-called chocolate is a frighteningly bright crayon-yellow. It's made of 59.1% sugar and 32.5% fat, of which 20.5% is saturated fat. Sugar is the first ingredient listed - never a good thing if you're looking for good quality chocolate - with only 25% cocoa solids. I'm not game to actually eat it - I might just take it home for my beloved to try (he has an adventuraous palate), but the silver bullet is up for grabs...

Ahem, back to movie stuff and The Wolfman in particular (which opens Feb 13 - you can see the trailer by clicking here).

It's really quite weighty as far as bullets go, but I strongly doubt the bullet is actually made of silver... so probably no intrinsic value. (It does come in a little black velvet drawstring bag, also with The Wolfman written on it and I'll throw in  the doggerel.

Would be v cool to have if your name is Wolfgang or Wulf or some derivation thereof.

And as Baldrick once said it's best to own the bullet with your name on it ... because if it's true that there's "a bullet with your name on it" out there somewhere, and you own the bullet, it won't ever kill you as you won't ever shoot yourself ('shame' says Captain Blackadder), and the chances of there being two bullets with your name on them are "very small indeed". )

Just tell me what would you do with a silver bullet with The Wolfman inscribed on it? I will even throw in a random DVD (or two!) for whoever makes me laugh the most.

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