How Expendable is he?
There's a rather mind-bogglingly comprehensive exploration of who is the most expendable member of The Expendables' incredibly beefy cast of meaty men.
Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger appear in the film (briefly). So do a paunchy, tearful Mickey Rourke and perma-tanned Eric Roberts. Plus British tough-guy Jason "the Stath" Statham and Chinese superstar Jet Li (cue the short jokes). There's also a ridiculously musclebound former NFL player (Terry Crews), a pro wrestling icon (Steve Austin), an Ultimate Fighting Championship star (Randy Couture) and Dolph Lundgren, who Stallone enjoyed punching back in the good ol' Cold War days of Rocky IV. (Although Dolph actually knocked Stallone out for real at one point...)
Together, the nine "actors" have been able to slaughter 1593 bad guys (and possibly a few bad gals in the mix). And that number doesn't even count Schwarzenegger's kills.
The Guardian has looked long and hard (cough) at who is the most expendable and the least expendable on the list.
I also liked this mucho manly (i.e. easy to follow) chart of who had the most kills (SPOILER ALERT: surprisingly it's Lundgren, with more than 600 violent slaughterin's to his credit - almost double Stallone's body count - thanks to his vast canon of dodgy action movies).
While the cast is undoubtedly a collection that should (but definitely won't) win the best ensemble cast of every movie awards show under the sun, just for a laugh (hahaha), who's missing from this list?
I reckon there's a glaring omission in the shape of one muscles from Brussels - JCVD.
Jean-Claude may be too high-brow for this sort of thing after the art-house film JCVD, in which he played himself. (Brilliant stuff - if you haven't seen it, do rent it sometime.)
But who would you add (or indeed subtract) from this list of the great action men of our time (and the last few decades)?
Name that musclebound action man ... now! (Please include your reasons for why your favourite steroid abuser should be indispensible for The Expendables 2.)
There's an obvious one which I'm sure I don't have to prime you for... Starts with "Ch", rhymes with f*** Boris...
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Hands down - Kurt Russel. Escape from New York, The Thing (still my fave movie of all time), Big Trouble in Little China, Tango and Cash, Tombstone just off top of my head. Also he's not really a musclebound action man, he's just got charisma, class and deep bad assery oozing from every pore.
Chuck Norris, Steven sea-gul:P, Russel crowe? he likes being a bad guy doesn't he? lol. Vin diesel? too later entry perhaps? or what about Ray Liotta, from Good fellas?
wessilly snipes
JCVD was offered a part but he turned it down for the very reason you state in your article. Steven Seagal and Kurt Russell were also offered roles, but KR said he doesn't do ensemble acting and SS has a bad relationship with the producer. Jackie Chan said no as did Wesley Snipes.
I heard on the news that Jean-Claude and Segal both turned down roles in the movie, god only knows why neither of them have done F all in the last few years. I think Vin Diesel would have been awesome.. and not just because hes hot! (yes I am a chick thank you)
Steven Segal is a clown and would have totally killed the movie for me, I hate that guy. Wesley Snipes was definately the missing piece of the puzzle in my opinion and would work well as a 'baddie' in the expendables 2. Why? Because he is a huge black guy who makes vampires explode, duh!
Should easily be Charles Bronson, with roles in Death Wish, Hard Times, The Dirty Dozen and The Magnificent Seven he's just about been every type of "bad ass" in the movies.
"The Evil That Men Do" and "10 To Midnight" should just about guarantee him a spot above Steve Austen on their own.
Pinocchio.
He'd be the least wooden.
Tony Jaa Clint Eastwood Would keep a good generation balance happening, and both are exceptionally awesome. But really, cram the sequel with as many action stars and ridiculous scenes as possible. Everyone knows who they are, and they don't require any character development, so Stallone should just go (even more) crazy with as much violence and explosions he can get in there.
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Two words, one ponytail: Steven Seagal. He should be in it because he can break elbows from 10m away with just an intense stare...