Let's start a film geek fight!

Last updated 10:01 16/02/2011

spoiler alertI recently spent a day watching paint dry.

No, this isn't a film-reviewing metaphor. I was literally watching paint dry. Three coats of 8th Pavlova to be precise, which is a fancy name for cream. Well, off-white, sort of a light beige...

When you're painting, you have a lot of time to ponder the imponderables. One of those is how het up about the little things people can get.

While some people have taken the time to (anonymously) lambast me because I found certain parts of Black Swan absolutely risible (I seriously think the marketers may have missed an opportunity by not selling it as a comedy), others have come up to me to confess how they hated it. Ballet aficionados (of which I am not one) seem particularly upset and offended by the portrayal of the ballerina's lot.

Equally, I've had plenty of people tell me how they liked my comparison of The King's Speech to a sports movie, and how they also love-love-love True Grit, but were too squeamish for 127 Hours.

People are more likely to be offensive in anonymous online-comment mode than in person.

But there are some film-related comments that are guaranteed to get somebody's gander up (thanks to Empire for the inspiration).

You know the sort of thing...

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Twilight is sooo much better than Let the Right One In/Interview with a Vampire/any vampire movie that has been or ever will be made.

You know what would be really cool? An origins movie about Jar Jar Binks.

Bladerunner makes no sense without the voiceover.

George Lucas is an original ground-breaking director at the height of his artistic powers. I wish he'd remake the original Star Wars films, they look crap compared to the new ones. Or even better, get Michael Bay to do it!

The fridge scene was a classic Indy moment. And those gophers? Hilarious! Hope they're back in Indy 5 - they could hang out with the monkeys.

[Insert title of film adapted from a well-loved book here] was sooo much better than the original novel.

I think it's really cool that zombies can run really fast now.

Tangy fruits were never really that nice. I'm glad they're gone.

Why can't we talk about Fight Club?

Brad Pitt should so keep his shirt on in all his films. No one wants to see that.

You know how Chris Nolan can instantly improve the next Batman movie? Bat nipples!

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Yup, them's fightin' words, all right.

And everyone can play!

Add your own ideas for kickstarting a fanboy fight below.

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80 comments
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Label   #1   10:20 am Feb 16 2011

I know this kind of disqualifies me from being a movie geek, but I haven't seen Citizen Kane, Donnie Darko or The Wicker Man.

See where I'm going with this?

JD   #2   10:22 am Feb 16 2011

Greedo shot first

Faustino L. Gaspar   #3   10:30 am Feb 16 2011

Oooh, now I'm angry. You shouldn't make the geek angry; you wouldn't like it when the geek is angry. These are great and sadly, I have to agree with many of them and more besides. Incidentally, a film "geek" night would be great and in all honesty, I already have that with my mates anyway. However, a "film geek" night, where film geeks face off against one another, lambasting each other in turn with their strutting would also be amusing...and I may have done that on occasion too.

JeM   #4   10:33 am Feb 16 2011

"Edward is way hotter than Jacob". Or the one I accidentally started with the Mr last night when I said "Ron Perlman is just weird".

Steven   #5   10:36 am Feb 16 2011

The second and third Matrix movies were so much better than the first one!! haha

Spiral_Chambers   #6   10:38 am Feb 16 2011

I HAVE THAT TEESHIRT (the picture shown)!!!

Spiral_Chambers   #7   10:42 am Feb 16 2011

"Lord of the Rings was boring/I've never seen it/I fell asleep."

ALWAYS GETS ME MAD!

"The first 3 Harry Potter movies are awesome, and so true to the books!"

*will keep thinking*

AJ   #8   11:04 am Feb 16 2011

300 is not homoerotic.

NickB   #9   11:07 am Feb 16 2011

M. Night Shyamalan just keeps getting better and better.

The spinning top at the end definitely starts to slow down.

Jack Black is completely different in every role.

Lance Henriksen totally deserves an Oscar.

Woody Allen just keeps getting better and better.

Barbra Streisand was perfect in Hello Dolly, so much better than Carol Channing would have been.

Meg Ryan is completely different in every role she plays.

Colorising is an excellent idea, especially for film noir classics.

You have to admire Oliver Stone for his subtlety.

Jack Nicholson is completely different in every role he plays.

Nicolas Cage just keeps getting better and better.

MRG   #10   11:10 am Feb 16 2011

Deckard is human.


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