My car was stolen

Last updated 11:39 06/08/2012

My car was stolen at the weekend. A thief smashed the driver's side window, jimmied the ignition and drove off. It was discovered the next day a couple of suburbs away.

I was greeted with a sorry sight when I went to collect my car. Both passenger side wheels had blown out and the rims were mangled like paper plates. It appears the thief had a merry old time with my little car. It looks as though they did burnouts till the tyres burst and then drove around on the rims for fun.

The thief, though I have muttered many ruder descriptions of them, also rifled through my glove compartment and left its contents in the passenger foot well. They left some library books untouched on the back seat. The thief doesn't strike me as someone who enjoys reading. In fact, I have my doubts they can read at all. Zing! Take that thief - I doubt your intellectual prowess.

Two days later I am still vibrating with rage.

Naturally, the event reminded me of a couple of films. It also reminded me of how I tend to respond to real-life events by filtering them through movies. In fact, refracting life through the prism of movieland seems to be my way of coping with life's annoyances.

When I first heard that my car had been stolen I was reminded of the scene in Pulp Fiction when John Travolta states the simple and universal truth: "Don't f*** with another man's vehicle.''

Here's the scene, but avoid watching this if you don't like naughty words. Actually, if you don't like naughty words, you wouldn't like the inside of my head right now. It is taking quite a bit of self-control not to turn this blog blue. Thankfully, I can refer to this previous blog as a glossary, and call the thief a Mr Falcon and a prink. I can also declare them a complete kemosabe.

Anyway, here's the Pulp Fiction scene:


That line: "I wish I could have caught him doing it. It would have been worth him doing it, just so I could have caught him.'' Man, I am feeling that line right now.

When I peered through the passenger side window of my stricken and abused car, there on the passenger seat was what appeared to be the thief's schoolbag. Naturally, this immediately reminded me of The Big Lebowski. The dude's car is stolen, but the thief leaves his homework under one of the seats. That leads the dude and Walter to their prime suspect - Larry. Here is the fantastic scene that ensues:


Later that day, I was talking to my partner, the Essex Princess, about whether the police would catch the offender. This reminded me of another Big Lebowski scene, when the dude asks a police officer if they have "any promising leads''.

Here is the police officer's reaction:

So, as you have probably realised, movies rule my life. Real life, in all its gritty tedium, is filtered happily through the world of movies. I'm like Bob Hoskins, or Steve Martin, in Pennies from Heavens - hiding from the drudgery of the world in showtunes. Or Mia Farrow in The Purple Rose of Cairo - weeping about her troubles in the darkness of the picture palace. 

See, there I go again, comparing my life to movies. There's no stopping me.

Do you do the same? Are you often reminded of movie moments in your real life? Share them below.

Oh, just one last question, did you steal my car, you little muddy funster?

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lesley   #1   11:53 am Aug 06 2012

See elsewhere on Stuff... this could also be an alternative approach to your car thief... only problem, you have to find them first. it would be satisfying though. Justice, farmer style: Man crushes police cars Working in a stout former bank building with windows closed a...

Mr Gates' former pod buddy   #2   01:00 pm Aug 06 2012

While I know you won't judge me, Gatesy, others may. Nonetheless, I find myself always saying "This is like The Simpsons episode when...".

El Jorge   #3   02:39 pm Aug 06 2012

"Both passenger side wheels had blown out and the rims were mangled like paper plates. It appears the thief had a merry old time with my little car. It looks as though they did burnouts till the tyres burst and then drove around on the rims for fun"

I dont follow? Unless your car is 4wd and the diffs are a bit screwy or your car is solely powered by the left hand side wheels it is physically impossible for both of those tyres to burst from doing burnouts.

riccardo   #4   03:00 pm Aug 06 2012

The Big Lebowski - such an awesome movie!

Here's another quote from the movie that may help: "The Dude abides..."

HotDiggityDog   #5   03:26 pm Aug 06 2012

Commiserations. Im sure they have 10 of Chch's best detectives on the case for you. Why you Lousy intellectually-lacking library book-leaving losers.

Teresa   #6   03:43 pm Aug 06 2012

My sympathy for your loss. Thieves suck.

Last time my car was stolen the thieves left a ton of KFC refuse littering the car, including bones from a 15-piece bucket, coleslaw etc. The insurance company recovered it and sent it to the panelbeaters. When I finally picked it up, ten days later, all the chicken garbage was still in there, rotted to hell. The panelbeater said it wasn't their job to clean it out! I cursed everyone involved for weeks.

Mark H   #7   03:57 pm Aug 06 2012

Can sympathise - GF's car was broken into a couple months ago, brick through the window, items stolen out.

All I could think of for a couple of days was keeping one in my garage, playing "Stuck In The Middle With You", and performing some home surgery on one the culprit's ear...

phil   #8   08:02 pm Aug 06 2012

totally empathise Charlie, what a drag! i recall once many moons ago coming out from a 1st date movie and discovering her car had been towed from the carprk. KaCHING! $200 later! We'd just been to see IRREVERSIBLE, and what happened later on the long walk home made a bad night blimming way worse!!!

fat les   #9   08:59 pm Aug 06 2012

great blog post. love the 3rd vid with the cop and "leads" keep up the great work. you are AMAZING!

Belinda   #10   09:46 pm Aug 06 2012

I had my first car for a grand total of about 7 hours before it was broken into and gutted. That was a rather nasty surprise in the morning when I went out for my first driving lesson in it.

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