My car was stolen at the weekend. A thief smashed the driver's side window, jimmied the ignition and drove off. It was discovered the next day a couple of suburbs away.
I was greeted with a sorry sight when I went to collect my car. Both passenger side wheels had blown out and the rims were mangled like paper plates. It appears the thief had a merry old time with my little car. It looks as though they did burnouts till the tyres burst and then drove around on the rims for fun.
The thief, though I have muttered many ruder descriptions of them, also rifled through my glove compartment and left its contents in the passenger foot well. They left some library books untouched on the back seat. The thief doesn't strike me as someone who enjoys reading. In fact, I have my doubts they can read at all. Zing! Take that thief - I doubt your intellectual prowess.
Two days later I am still vibrating with rage.
Naturally, the event reminded me of a couple of films. It also reminded me of how I tend to respond to real-life events by filtering them through movies. In fact, refracting life through the prism of movieland seems to be my way of coping with life's annoyances.
When I first heard that my car had been stolen I was reminded of the scene in Pulp Fiction when John Travolta states the simple and universal truth: "Don't f*** with another man's vehicle.''
Here's the scene, but avoid watching this if you don't like naughty words. Actually, if you don't like naughty words, you wouldn't like the inside of my head right now. It is taking quite a bit of self-control not to turn this blog blue. Thankfully, I can refer to this previous blog as a glossary, and call the thief a Mr Falcon and a prink. I can also declare them a complete kemosabe.
Anyway, here's the Pulp Fiction scene:
That line: "I wish I could have caught him doing it. It would have been worth him doing it, just so I could have caught him.'' Man, I am feeling that line right now.
When I peered through the passenger side window of my stricken and abused car, there on the passenger seat was what appeared to be the thief's schoolbag. Naturally, this immediately reminded me of The Big Lebowski. The dude's car is stolen, but the thief leaves his homework under one of the seats. That leads the dude and Walter to their prime suspect - Larry. Here is the fantastic scene that ensues:
Later that day, I was talking to my partner, the Essex Princess, about whether the police would catch the offender. This reminded me of another Big Lebowski scene, when the dude asks a police officer if they have "any promising leads''.
Here is the police officer's reaction:
So, as you have probably realised, movies rule my life. Real life, in all its gritty tedium, is filtered happily through the world of movies. I'm like Bob Hoskins, or Steve Martin, in Pennies from Heavens - hiding from the drudgery of the world in showtunes. Or Mia Farrow in The Purple Rose of Cairo - weeping about her troubles in the darkness of the picture palace.
See, there I go again, comparing my life to movies. There's no stopping me.
Do you do the same? Are you often reminded of movie moments in your real life? Share them below.
Oh, just one last question, did you steal my car, you little muddy funster?
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Shakespeare play causes scores to faint (graphic content)