So, last week I shared my favourite films of 2012. Well, this week I'm going to share what I consider to be the biggest stinkers of the year.
These are the films that stank out the place in 2012.
Jack and Jill
How could a film where Adam Sandler plays both Jack and his embarrassing sister Jill turn out bad? Right? That concept has Oscar-winning masterpiece written all over it, right?
Well, obviously, no. Where to begin?
In my review for The Press newspaper, I wrote:
"To make things worse, it co-stars Al Pacino as himself. Now that is just plain embarrassing. What is Al Pacino doing in this film? I don't think even he knows what he is doing in this film. Did they cosh him over the back of the head, bundle him into the boot of a car and then drag him in front of the cameras?
"What happened? Did they invent an animatronic Al Pacino? An AnimaCino. Is it CGI? I don't know how they got him there.''
I couldn't agree with myself more.
Oh, Sandler. Funny People and Punch Drunk Love are both great, why do you make films like this? How many swimming pools and mansions do you need?
Wrath of the Titans
A pointless, cynical and absurd sequel to the Clash of the Titans remake. Not even Ralph Fiennes and Liam Neeson could save this turgid nonsense.
Here's an excerpt from my review for The Press.
"We have had Clash of the Titans, followed by Wrath of the Titans. Considering the titles have to rhyme, here are a few suggestions for the inevitably boring threequel.
"Tache of the Titans, in which the gods grow facial hair for charity. Pash of the Titans, in which the gods get frisky. Pash Rash of the Titans, in which the gods regret the combination of facial hair and friskiness.
"But, of course, the main thing driving this whole tedious enterprise is Cash of the Titans."
I couldn't have said it better myself.
Man, this film was boring. It was just a bunch of people sitting around in grubby breezeblock offices talking about baseball stats.
I like a movie driven by strong characters and great dialogue, but it has to be interesting. This was soooooo dull. It turned me into a bored seven-year-old fidgeting in my chair and gasping for the end credits.
All together now - booooooooooooooring.
This is the stinker of the year. Not because it is any worse than the films mentioned above, but because director Oliver Stone is old enough to know better.
It was offensively and infuriatingly bad.
Here's an excerpt from my review for The Press:
"Savages is creepy, horrible and all over the place. It is preposterous, nasty and pointless. Brutal, stupid and boring. Actually, it is not stupid - it is stoopid. This film makes me want to use many blunt and short words that cannot be printed in a family newspaper. They are in my mind as I type this, screaming to be emblazoned in print.
"Stone's films used to at least have meaning and purpose. The meaning of his film was carved into your brain in blistering neon. You were never in doubt about his world view. I have no idea what this glib nonsense is all about. It is a film so creatively indecisive and groan-inducing it has two endings."
Well, looks like I nailed it again.
Wow, I'm good. What's that? "Get a room"? Well, I might just do that...
What were your stinkers of the year? Have I missed any really bad ones? Post below.
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