Reading a Kanye West interview is like a reading a Kanye West interview. There is simply nothing quite like it. At times, you'll feel like you've been let into a secret chamber where only West and his ego live, where he speaks a magical dialect that is as wondrous as it is puzzling.
Still, if you're lucky enough to be let into the 37-year-old rapper's mind, as GQ writer Zach Baron was, you should always savour every last drop of his unusual 'wisdom'. Pure and undiluted. Which is how GQ served up Kanye's latest cover interview to its readers: pretty much verbatim.
Now, without further ado, let's luxuriate in five of the most gloriously WTF moments from the interview. Oh and for anyone who is worried about the quotes being taken 'out of context', the only context you need is this: they were said by Kanye West.
Kanye considers himself a 'blowfish':
"I don't have fangs. I'm a porcupine. I'm a blowfish. Like, I'm a -- what's the fish that blows up? Yeah. I'm a blowfish. I'm not a shark, I'm a blowfish. So that perfect example about me hitting my head, it's like a blowfish. I wasn't coming out of my house going to a paparazzi's house to attack them. I'm defending my family in front of my own house. I'm defending my name as someone's screaming something negative at me. That's a blowfish. People have me pinned as a shark or a predator in some way, and in no way am I that. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone. I want to defend people. I want to help people."
To Kanye, Kim Kardashian is like 'a jet fighter or a dinosaur':
"Kim is this girl who f***ing turns me on. I love her. This is who I want to be next to and be around...You mean to tell me that this girl with this f***ing body and this face is also into style, and she's a nice person, and she has her own money and is family-oriented? That's just as cool as a f***ing fighter jet or dinosaur! And just as rarely seen."
When in doubt, one should always turn to the film Step Brothers for direction in life:
"Like they said in Step Brothers: Never lose your dinosaur. This is the ultimate example of a person never losing his dinosaur. Meaning that even as I grew in cultural awareness and respect and was put higher in the class system in some way for being this musician, I never lost my dinosaur."
Constructing simile may not be Kanye's strength. Still, he is generous with compliments:
"Carine Roitfeld is the Walt Disney of what Tumblr is today. She is the Kanye West of what Tumblr is today. She's the single most important person to what street style is today."
There is only one way to win at life: you need some 'Kim K' skills.
"She is who she is. I am who I am. We have advisers and friends and everything, but those people are who they are and we are who we are. And what I had to learn from Kim is how to take more of her advice and less of other people's advice. There's a lot of Kim K skills that were added. In order to win at life, you need some Kim K skills, period."