If you care about Beyonce even a little bit, you would probably realise that things are pretty tough for her and Jay right now. You might think to yourself, "Look, I dunno Bey, like PERSONALLY? But I DO know how I'D FEEL if everyone keeps talking about how sh-tty my marriage is and some basic b--ch raps about it (badly) and ends up going viral."
You'd be right to get your empathy on. And you might have your own nuggets of wisdom to share. The only roadblock is, instead of talking the whole thing out with Bey, you are forced to leave your legit marriage advice at the comments section of every internet story -- hoping that somehow, the universe will deliver the message to its rightful recipient.
But while we are all trying to reach out to Bey in our own way, somewhere out there, (in Southern California, to be exact) someone is actually counselling her through this. That person, of course, is Gwyneth Paltrow.
According to celebrity blog Hollywood Life, the 32-year-old singer is "hiding out" at her BFF's house during her On The Run tour, and has been "leaning on Gwyneth for support and advice on how to best handle her rocky relationship with Jay Z."
But hey, why listen to "anonymous sources" from gossip sites when you can simply IMAGINE how the conversation would've played out? This is exactly what Vanity Fair writer Josh Duboff did and the result is glorious.
Here is a snippet of the imagined conversation for your enjoyment. In fact, it is so shockingly vivid that you'll feel as if you have witness the whole thing yourself:
SCENE: Beyoncé visits Gwyneth Paltrow's house in California.
Gwyneth greets Beyoncé with a glass. "Drink this. It's eel-infused water. You'll feel like a new person."
Beyoncé sighs. "Feeling like a new person sounds pretty good right about now." She downs the drink.
Gwyneth gestures toward a stone slab by the wall. "Sit," she nods. "I know it looks uncomfortable, but, I'm telling you, one week of sitting on stone and your entire essence will shift."
Gwyneth moves into a lunging yoga position. "So tell me about you and Jay. What is going on?"
Read the rest of the imagined conversation here.
Recap: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child (spoiler)