What the gossip mags say
Family is the theme for this week's issue of Women's Day, as cover-girl Wendy Petrie talks about her "number one son!". Also, her only son.
The magazine paid special tribute to comic genius Robin Williams, following his suicide last week. The article delves into the actor's childhood, saying his best friend was a dog named Duke, and his zany imagination developed from attempting to impress his distant parents.
Moving to the royals, apparently Prince Harry is so desperate for love he's asking his sister-in-law the Duchess of Cambridge to set him up with her single friends. With his 30th birthday approaching, a source confided "Harry's feeling lonely and quite depressed".
"Quite frankly, he's looking forward to getting his 30th out of the way. He's going through something of a midlife crisis," the alleged friend said.
Harry is also the lead story in New Idea, although this rag goes even further, saying "Harry hits rock bottom". Ouch.
Although he apparently hates being a third wheel, he's resorted to tagging along with Kate and Wills, "even joining the loved-up couple in Scotland for the recent Commonwealth Games".
Just to rub it in, the next page announces Kate is pregnant, with the royal family set to officially confirm the news "within days".
Before Hollywood's Ellen DeGeneres was a vegan lesbian, she went out with a Texas poultry farmer, Ben Heath, according to New Idea. Her first love says her coming out "didn't shock [him]".
And, for what New Zealand's Woman's Weekly lacks in salacious gossip, it makes up for in the recipe pages. Apple and caramel tart... yum.
Who's Dawn French?
The Welsh "comedienne" of French and Saunders talks about being in love, again.
"Everyone is different and what worked for me might now work for others," she said about her second marriage, to Mark Bignell. Insightful stuff.