What the Kiwi gossip mags say

BY CHRIS SCHULZ

OPINION: She was fat. Then she got skinny and started promoting the benefits of "sexercise" to the gossip mags. But now she's back to complain about her weight once again.

Is Joe Cotton New Zealand's official answer to Kirstie Alley?

It appears so. The newly married radio broadcaster, reality TV star and former member of awesomely awful all-girl pop group TrueBliss returns to the gossip mags to moan about her latest seven kilogram weight gain.

Bizarrely, Cotton blames her 76kg body - she wants to be 69kg again - on a short-lived vegan diet. It must have been all of those turnips.

"I don't want to give people the wrong idea (about vegan diets) because it was probably just my body," Cotton, 31, tells Woman's Day.

"I cut out carbs, meat, cheese, anything dairy or anything that had chemicals in it, and I really enjoyed it but when I got on the scales I was like, 'What?'

"I switched back to adding a few things to my diet and it sort of crept up over that time."

Unlike Alley, Cotton has a husband - Daniel Shields, whom she married a year ago - and he loves the new curves "because all the weight has gone into the perfect womanly places".

Cotton will probably explain where all her "perfect womanly places" are in a future feature. Avoid at all costs.

Elsewhere, controversial entrepreneur Suzanne Paul stars in two very different stories. The Natural Glow saleswoman is seen beaming on the cover of Woman's Weekly as she renews her vows with hubby Duncan Wilson at the $500-a-night Hilton Lake Taupo.

"What better way is there to kick off 2010?" Paul asks the mag. "There's light at the end of the tunnel ... this is a new beginning for us."

Not according to WD it's not. WW's rival gives some of the businesses who weren't paid from Paul's failed Rawaka venture - an ill-advised Maori tourism venture on Auckland's North Shore for which she reportedly still owes around $186,000 - and finds they're still disgruntled.

"At my expense?" asks an electrician still owed $65,000 when told about Paul's second wedding celebration.

"You move on and hope like hell that one day maybe she'll front up with some goods," says a builder owed $77,000.

Would some free Natural Glow samples help?

Elsewhere, Kiwi socialite Casey Green fails to see the irony when WD gives her a call to ask what it's like having a relationship in the spotlight, a la Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Is that really the best we've got?

Green takes the question about her relationship with All Black Ali Williams super seriously.

"I have to admit, if I had a choice I wouldn't go out with a famous person again," Green tells WD. "At first all the attention was flattering, but I got over it pretty fast.

"Yes, I questioned whether I wanted to be in this situation ... But he's the man I adore - we're too far down the track for me to change now."

Yep, all those paparazzi photos, scurrilous rumours and media scrutiny must be infuriating, Casey. Sorry, who are you again?

Finally, the quote of the week comes from ageing actor Michael Douglas: "I wince when I think I'll be close to 75 when my daughter is 16. I'm not going to be able to physically chase the boys away."

No, but those new-fangled wheelchairs move pretty fast, Michael.

* What do you think of this week's gossip mags? Post your comments below.

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