Ten lessons The Notebook can teach men

ALEXANDRA PATRIKIOS
Last updated 16:51 26/06/2014
Notebook

PINNACLE OF ROMANCE: The Notebook turns 10 years today.

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It's the movie that made women swoon over Ryan Gosling, pine for Rachel McAdams' wardrobe and re-evaluate the suitability of their partners based on an unattainable fictional ideal.

The Notebook - a passionate tale of two socially divided young lovers - turns 10 today.

But just like Noah and Ally's timeless love story, we thought we'd look back at the Nicholas Sparks adaptation and pluck out some of the life lessons it offers to (albeit reluctant) male viewers.

So, gentlemen, if you want to make the ladies buckle at their knees like Noah, here's how:

1. FLOUTING OH&S REGULATIONS IS A GREAT WAY TO WIN CHICKS
When Noah first sees Ally at the carnival, he harasses her repeatedly before following her onto a ferris wheel and hanging from it until she agrees to go on a date with him.

Endangering your personal safety by dangling from mechanical structures? What a dream.

While he could've easily fallen to the ground and shattered his femur, Noah's gesture is a sure-fire sign of pure, utter love.

Actually, if he had lost his grip, the penniless farm boy could've sued the carnival operators and gotten a hefty pay-out. Then he would have been rich enough to woo Ally outright.

Hmmm. A deleted scene, perhaps.

2. FOLLOW THAT UP WITH BORDERLINE SUICIDAL ACTIVITIES FOR FUN
Once you've won her over by putting your life on the line, why not follow it up with a siesta in the middle of the road?

Noah walks Ally home from the movies. But instead of making eyes at her over an ice-cream sundae, he pulls this winning seduction technique out of the bag: lying on an evidently operational city road.

That's one way to get her heart pounding, Casanova!

3. REINSTATE YOUR OUTSIDER STATUS THROUGH OUTFIT CHOICES
Meeting the parents for the first time and a bit nervous they'll judge you for being clearly below their daughter's socioeconomic status?

Why not wear an all-black ensemble just to make sure they know you're deadly serious about the girl?
Because nothing says "legitimate suitor" like skulking by the buffet dressed in inky Hamlet garb.

4. WEARING HATS IN THE OCEAN MAKES YOU A DREAMBOAT
Since you're on such a hot streak with the outfit choices, make sure you extend your repertoire to include accessories.

If you're off to the beach, forget the beach towel - pack a grandpa hat and refuse to take it off, even when it's highly impractical.

Remember: chicks dig guys with style.

5. REALISE THAT BICKERING ONLY SHOWS YOU CARE
You know what really wins a woman's heart? Yelling. Yell at her when you try to teach her how to drive, yell at her when she's clearly frightened about diving into water that might be dangerously shallow.

Even if she is worried about sustaining a paralysing neck fracture, she'll be totally won over by your manly decisiveness.

6. IF FEELING LOW, GROW A DEPRESSION BEARD
As we all know, the chin is the window to the soul. If your ladyfriend has flown the coop, try to regain her attention by expressing your misery through untidy facial hair.

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7. EMOTIONALLY STERILE RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER WOMEN WILL HELP YOU GET "THE ONE"
Noah strikes up a sexual relationship with a widow when he clearly hasn't moved on from Ally.

But that's not stringing her along. Don't worry - she is totally okay with receding into the narrative background once the real love interest shows up.

The lesson? Abruptly ditching the random chick you've been shagging actually helps, not hinders, the temporary replacement.

8. HAVE ALL REVELATORY ARGUMENTS IN THE RAIN
I'm not sure why. It just works.

9. FLOCKS OF BIRDS ARE THE NEW FLOWERS
You think those dozen long-stemmed roses are going to impress her?

You'd be dead wrong, son.

For the modern woman, nothing says "I've harboured an undying love for you since the moment our first sexual encounter was thwarted" like bringing your babe a whole flock of geese.

(They were geese right?)

10. WHERE POSSIBLE, DON'T BE JAMES MARSDENFinally, a critical piece of instruction.

James Marsden, while square-jawed and blue-eyed, you must not be.

As we know from The Notebook, as well as his work as Cyclops in X-Men, Marsden just doesn't get the girls.

If you can, avoid being him - and watch the ladies line up!

- AAP

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