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Film Review: Watchmen

By Margaret Agnew - The Press
Last updated 09:53 07/03/2009
COMIC STRIP: Visit the Watchmen's alternative universe.

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I've been trying to gather my thoughts on Watchmen. Here are some of them:

*It's incredibly long (2hrs 43min).
*Superhero costumes are crazily impractical (did no-one learn anything from The Incredibles?)
 *There's a big naked, blue, glowing, radioactive guy who has the power to save or destroy the world (and yes, you get to see his blue, glowing, radioactive penis).
*Superhero sex is pretty much like any other type of choreographed movie sex, but with added kinky costumes.
*It helps to have a working knowledge of the Watchmen universe.
*It's definitely not suitable for kids.

But is it any good? I hear you cry. The answer: Well, sort of.

Watchmen is the slavish film adaptation of the "unfilmable'' graphic novel by Dave Gibbons and Alan Moore.

In the dirty old city of New York, someone's picking off costumed superheroes and a blotchy-masked vigilante is determined to find out who.

Set in alternate 1985 America, where Nixon is a fifth-term president and the Cold War with Communist Russia has the world on the brink of nuclear holocaust, Watchmen appears to be made up almost entirely of character introductions, flashbacks, digressions and bombastic pronunciations.  

Oh, and lest we forget, there's a fair amount of splatter, misogyny and random murders. This is comicbookville after all. If you're desperate to find out more of the plot, I suggest you check out the book.

You won't find creator Alan Moore's name in the credits because the famous comicbook writer is notorious for disapproving of the film versions of his comic creations which include The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Constantine and V for Vendetta.

Moore may well have a point. He has said of the Watchmen movie, and I quote: ``I'm never going to watch this f*** thing.''

The cast is strictly C-list, with Jeffrey Dean Morgan, best known for a turn as a dying patient in Grey's Anatomy, playing the super-nasty Comedian, whose death kicks off this superhero soap opera.

Then there's Malin Akerman (The Heartbreak Kid) as Silk Spectre 2, Carla Gugino (Night at the Museum) as her mum Silk Spectre, Billy Crudup (Almost Famous) as the big blue guy Dr Manhattan, Patrick Wilson (Little Children) as nerdy Dan/Nite Owl 2, Brit Matthew Goode (Brideshead Revisited) as Adrian Veidt and Jackie Earle Haley (also in Little Children) as the blotchy masked Rorschach.

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So, as the film asks, who's watching the Watchmen? Well, the fanboys, obviously, even if it's just to sneer at how inferior the film is to the original.

Other than that, the curious, wondering what all the fuss is about, and those who figure it'll do until Star Trek and Wolverine turn up with their much-anticipated origin stories later this year.

It's a complex world, with oodles of backstory to plow through, yet you get the feeling we're only brushing the surface.

I liked the fact this alternate dystopia included Tears For Fears, Leonard Cohen and  Nena's 99 Luftballons in its soundtrack, but was Nixon's huge prosthetic nose really necessary? JFK, Kissinger and Lee Iacocca also turn up, but not for any obvious reason.
 
Director Zack Snyder (Dawn of the Dead) has stuck slavishly to the highly stylised look of the graphic novel, which seems to have served as the film's storyboard, although there are changes to the plot which will irritate fans.

It's a very slick looking film, with good quality CG effects for the most part. However, it lacks heart or any emotional depth. While almost every superhero character seems to have a fatal flaw, sociopathic tendencies or a psychopathic mission, we don't care about any of them.

For a world chock full of people in silly costumes, it all takes itself so deadly serious. A few jokes and a coherent storyline wouldn't have hurt.

Watchmen
Directed by: Zack Snyder
Starring: Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Rated: R16
Running time: 163 minutes

65 comments
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Rationale   #65   07:59 am Apr 05 2009

On what plane of reality is it not the fault of the film maker if the viewer doesn't understand the plot. Movies are a form of story telling - communicated entertainment. And plot is to story telling what a spine is to the human body. Poor or predictable plots ruin movies completely because they are fundamental to the movies enjoyment. If you graphic novel nerd boys can't get that then I suggest you stick to the less communicative hardcopy!!

Rebecca   #64   10:26 am Apr 02 2009

As someone else so beautifully pointed out below.

The viewer not getting it is hardly the fault of the movie here.

Most bad reviews i read stated "they didnt get it" or " it didnt make sense" For those of you so distracted by penis and breasts perhaps if you noticed the plot or the words they spelled it out pretty well what was going on. Especially at the end.. where the pseudo villian stated his entire plan.

Micky   #63   02:00 pm Mar 20 2009

the film is way to long and just dosent live up to the hype of what the tv adds make it out to be the comic is so much better dont go and see it wait until it comes out on video!!!!!

Becca   #62   09:08 am Mar 20 2009

Three hours of garbage, but at least the book's good. And it is. Read the book people, it's soooooooo much better.

paul   #61   08:31 am Mar 18 2009

May the Good Lord protect us from morons who went to Watchmen expecting a Sam Raimi Spiderman style comic book adaption.

There is a reason Watchmen is considered the greatest graphic novel of all time.

It has a complex plot. It deals with complex issues. It is not a comic book for kids.

You not getting it is hardly the fault of the film maker or the film.

DykeDiva   #60   08:51 pm Mar 15 2009

I saw this movie last night, sadly I will never be able to get those 14 years back again (oh its only 3 hours you say?) by the end of it I had absolutely no idea about the plot, is there a plot? Yes you see a abundance of average blue penis but all I must say is wheres the boobs? Shouldnt superhero sex be a little super? What the heck was the floating gold thing on mars, oh I am so confused, wouldn't wish this movie on anyone, if your going good luck your gonna need it, and an arse transplant when your butt falls asleep dies and falls off

bluesilver   #59   08:36 am Mar 14 2009

I completely agree with nonmoviesnob; I usually don't take much notice of films of this genre, but I was pleasantly surprised by Watchmen as it differed from the normal braindead made-for-hollywood films with little substance. This film actually makes people think. It goes without saying that the director was never going to please everyone! Think outside the box - just because the plot was a little more complex than, say Spiderman, and it wasn't a A list cast, doesn't make the film a failure. Overall, I surprised myself and really enjoyed it.

Truth=knowledge=Life   #58   07:17 pm Mar 13 2009

Watchmen Response

You obviously went into a well written graphic novel, depicted eloquently in the form of a movie. Expecting something as predictable as "Superman". News flash! Not what this movie was about. Alan Moore is asking "who watches watchmen" didn't you understand the comedian? "It's all a joke!" These super humans are bored with the mundane task of saving us from ourselves. Which is interesting considering the feelings shared amoung the villan and the superheros is the same for the pathetic human race.

Watchmen wasn't written to save the world from it's evil doers. It's bringing truth into focus. Sometimes there are necessary evils. Of course the term necessary evil isn't even correct iteself. It shold be changed to "Necessary" but throwing in the word evil allows more people to identify. Because it's easier to find something to hate, blame for our own actions. Sure Ozymandias was a villian, but was he really? In the end Dr. Manhattan realized the benefit in doing wrong for the greater good of humanity. Swine that is humanity. (hardly worth saving!) When events are at a cease fire near the end of the movie peace is actually formed. The Greed of men leaks out, the truth leaks out. (Rorschachs Journal)

Furthermore, if you understood the novel Dr. Manhattan wasn't just naked. If you research his character you would understand why he's naked. He's physically a perfect human being, but is he even human anymore? "Im tired of being caught up in the tangle of their lives" the tangle being the petty swine that the human race has become. "They are turning me into something gaudy something leathal" Selfish, Greedy, Power-Money hungry. He's moved beyond humans, i.e. he see's no reason for clothes because he has no reason for the material uselessness that so many of us are consumed with. He decides to understand the greater anaomlies of the universe. The ultimate questions.

Nicci   #57   04:42 pm Mar 12 2009

I had no idea what it was all about when I got into the cinema. Its definately not as clear cut as the regular superhero movie and sqeamishly violent in places but I reckon those bits did add to the whole impression that humanity seems to be bent on its own destruction. Overall, I quite liked it.

imprimatur   #56   01:42 pm Mar 12 2009

If you haven't read the book, be forewarned. The plot was drawn out longer than a filibuster on the congressional floor... Even though a friend thought the movie stunk, I didn't but I offer a covenant to those who are possibly interested in seeing it. 1) Make sure you do pelvic stretches before you sit down. And absolutely go to the bathroom prior to the movie starting for the plot is so slow it feels as if it will Never end. 2) Narration by the character, "Rorschach", is excellent. 3) Computer graphics is excellent. 4) The movie is as predictable as a Rush Limbaugh commentary....which personally bothers me..for I like to be wrong in my guess at whom the protagonist is. Therefore, ...................... Grade: A Freind: Thumbs way way down! Myself: Thumbs pointing east and west.....leaving it up to you to make the call. Recommendation: Watch E-Trade commercials with the two babies and save the money!


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