The movie that stars everyone and was seen by no one is quickly going down in Hollywood history as the worst movie of all time, "the Citizen Kane of awful".
And when you think about the stinkers that have hit the multiplexes over the years - many of them starring Eddie Murphy for some reason - that's damming criticism indeed.
Movie 43 bombed at the US box office and holds a career-ending 4 per cent "rotten" rating on review aggregator site Rotten Tomatoes, but doesn't hit New Zealand cinemas until next week.
The comedy is a collection of miss-firing sketches that touch on poop love, neck scrotums and foul-mouthed leprechauns and stars a cavalcade of Hollywood A-listers, including Halle Berry, Hugh Jackman, Naomi Watts, Emma Stone and Kate Winslet.
The fact that such a high-profile cast bombed so spectacularly has led many to ask whether they were blackmailed into making the movie.
With a stench that bad, it's unlikely Movie 43 will be raking in the dollars at the Kiwi box office, but whenever a film has this many bad reviews, there's always a morbid fascination to find out what exactly went down.
Here's a list of who pooped on who and other sorry details. We should include a spoiler alert here for all those brave movie-goers who are still determined to sit through the movie.
- Dennis Quaid is a mad screenwriter pitching a series of increasingly offensive movie ideas to a studio exec played by Greg Kinnear. He is dressed like a 20-year-old, makes fart jokes and forces Kinnear to listen to his pitches at gunpoint. These are the basis for Movie 43's subsequent sketches.
* Another version of the film opens with three teenagers searching the internet for the most banned movie in the world.
- Kate Winslet goes on a blind date at a classy restaurant with Hugh Jackman
- Jackman has a pair of testicles hanging from his neck. They retreat up his neck when a stiff breeze hits their table.
- He accidentally dips them in a bowl of soup and rests them on a baby's head.
- They end up in Winslet's mouth when one of Jackman's friends offers to take a picture of them on their first date.
- Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber play parents who are home-schooling their son but they want to give him a real high-school experience. This involves:
- Schreiber humiliating him in the shower and Watts knocking the books out his hands and calling him "f*** face".
- Schreiber and Watts throwing him a party but not letting him in.
- Watts giving her son his first sexual experience.
- Chris Pratt is about to propose to his girlfriend Anna Faris when she says she has something to ask him too: "Will you poop on me?"
- Pratt's friend urges him to eat a lot of Mexican food and gives him a bottle of laxatives - "poop Viagra".
- Pratt and Faris are in the bedroom. Pratt (stuffed up with laxatives and spicy food) wants to get it over with but Faris wants them to take their time and work their way up to it.
- When Pratt screams, "Just let me s*** on you already", Faris gets embarrassed runs out on him. He chases after her and gets hit by a car just as his bowels erupt. Poop flies everywhere.
- Kieran Culkin works the night shift at a grocery store whose only customers appear to be drunks and vagrants.
- His ex-girlfriend, Emma Stone, appears and the two get into an argument that unbeknownst to them is broadcast over the store intercom.
- Culkin accuses Stone of having sex with hobos and put his fingers in her mouth.
- An MP3 player that looks like a naked woman is causing harm to teenage boys because of an electronic fan in its genital region.
- The iBabe's makers, Richard Gere, Kate Bosworth, Aasif Mandvi and Jack McBrayer, are weighing up whether they should put a warning on the device. Gere doesn't want to: "Other MP3 players don't have warnings not to have sex with it."
- A naked black woman is introduced to the boardroom - the iBabe special edition.
- Gere cuts his finger on the fan.
...enough already? That was just half of the scenes. And: It is not getting any better.
- © Fairfax NZ News
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