First Dates NZ episode two: The unassuming nudist
Things you'll hear on this week's episode of First Dates NZ: "I don't bite on the first date so you're quite safe." "I haven't had sex for five years!" "Your ex-girlfriend, what did she die from?"
* First Dates NZ episode one: Single Kiwis 'on a real blind date'
* First Dates NZ producer on the Kiwi series: 'People will be quite shocked'
* First Dates is coming to New Zealand to make for 'excruciating' viewing
* First Dates NZ: Kiwi attacked on social media for dating show signs up for NZ version
* Shamed First Dates contestant speaks out
Right, let's get into it then...
DANIEL (27) & KATRINA (26)
Law graduate and town planner Daniel believes in marriage and having kids.
"In a perfect world I'd like to have twin boys and a girl. And they would all have light eyes," he adds. Talk about planned parenthood.
Daniel has high standards and doesn't believe in settling - "as lonely as that might be".
His perfect woman would be "about 5"7, blonde, blue eyes, and probably between a petite and athletic build". I don't know about you, but I'm getting the feeling that Daniel is a methodical kind of guy.
His date Katrina is an "entrepreneur" - currently a model, used to be a gymnast - with Russian grandparents who want to know why she isn't married yet.
Personality is important to Katrina. She's also hoping for "a bit of a bad boy" apparently. She could well be disappointed on both counts when it comes to Daniel.
He does have a fairly interesting-looking tattoo though.
"This is actually a wolf," he explains. "The reason why it has the Maori patterns on it is because I'm Maori myself." That makes sense.
"It kind of symbolises that I'm a bit of a lone wolf." That makes possibly a bit less sense.
He has a strangely robotic way of talking, does Daniel. "He might not be high maintenance - but I think he might be highly boring" observes Katrina later.
Daniel departs for the bathroom. While he's gone, the maitre'd moves in to see how the date's going - "be honest" he tells Katrina. "I'm bored out of my mind" she replies. Some mutual flirting ensues, but the maitre'd confirms he's "off the menu" tonight.
Now it's Katrina's turn in the bathroom. "He's a bit dull," she tells a friend on the phone. "Hopefully he'll say some interesting things soon."
"You didn't fall in?" asks Daniel when Katrina returns. Sounds like he's been swapping jokes with my dad.
Come the crunch, Daniel would definitely like to see Katrina again. She seems less certain, but suggests a drink somewhere else immediately. I'm not even sure if this was a match?
RICKY (37) & KEELAN (24)
Star Trek fan Ricky has been single for five years. He says he's gotten used to it though.
Speaking of Star Trek, is that a turtleneck skivvy he's wearing? Turns out it's not, but I can be forgiven for thinking so can't I?
Ricky admits to being "a complete nerd" - as well as "loud, vivacious, and slightly bitchy on occasion".
His ideal man would be "like [OneRepublic frontman] Ryan Tedder if he got some of his jowls removed". I had to look up who Ryan Tedder was - doesn't seem that jowly if you ask me.
"Social media butterfly" Keelan is "hoping to go where not many men have been before" according to the narrator. Is she talking about just being on this show or Ricky?
Keelan wants someone who inspires him and makes him want to be better. He describes himself as fun, sarcastic and sassy - but says he can also hold an intelligent conversation.
"To my parents' delight both my brothers are gay as well, so that's definitely a fun conversation-starter."
Keelan reveals that he would have sex on a first date "if I didn't plan to be with them". Classy.
Property manager Ricky reveals his top dating tips, which include stalking potential dates on Facebook. He also might be partially psychic.
Talking relationship history, Ricky blurts out,"I haven't had sex for five years!" then tries to avoid the topic altogether. Just had to get that out there ay?
On the phone to his mum in the bathroom, Ricky totally breaks down his date for her. When he gets back, Keelan has a magic trick for him. "I can make wine disappear," he says, downing it in one.
"Sometimes I will have a dream where I have a boyfriend, and then I wake up and I don't have a boyfriend. And that's when I feel lonely," admits Ricky, although not to Keelan - just for us folks watching at home.
These two would both like to see each other again - and part with a rather chaste kiss on the lips.
SUE (60) & BEVAN (60)
Sue has been married three times - "a bit of a hopeless romantic" she claims. If you say so Sue.
Turns out her last husband broke her heart by means of a note left on her pillow. She has heartfelt feelings about love that I will absolutely not make fun of.
Sue's date, part-time masseur Bevan, has been married twice, plus "various short-term relationships". Dirty dog.
Bevan says he gets nervous and tends to talk about past relationships on dates - he knows it's dumb, but can't help himself.
For reasons not entirely explained, Bevan can't drink, can't eat the entree, can't eat the main, can't eat the dessert. Not really suited to dinner dating then it would seem.
Almost straight away Bevan "breaks the rules" however and helps himself to a drink. I'm nervous for Sue - what will this lead to? And why can't Bevan drink? Someone tell me please!
It's bloody hard to tell what this Bevan bloke is thinking - he could be an All Blacks coach in that regard.
Sue explains that she keeps herself busy by knitting, crocheting, sewing, playing cards and tending her 180 pot plants.
Observing for the viewers that Sue seems something of a homebody, Bevan admits that he prefers to party with people a third his age - "and still feels comfortable". Nothing is said about how comfortable the people a third his age feel however.
Sue tells Bevan she's looking for "a best friend". He remains inscrutable. "Yeah," he says.
At least he gets the bill. Then, wonder of wonders, leans over and whispers something in Sue's ear that sends her into a right tizz. Not sure why, but apparently he told her he was a nudist. Unexpected.
At the post-date interview, Bevan suddenly becomes the most animated he's been all night. We have a match!
ROWAN (29) & ELOISE (22)
Irish builder Rowan is looking for someone who's confident, "really attractive" and "a little bit shorter than him".
He admits to having had communication problems on past dates because of his accent. That shouldn't be a problem for him tonight however, because happily an Irish accent is precisely one of the things his date is looking for in a man. Just a thought, but maybe she'd have better luck if she moved to Ireland?
Flight attendant Eloise's last relationship ended when she was cheated on and dumped on New Year's Day. "When that happened I was pretty heartbroken" she says.
At five feet 11 inches tall, height is something of an issue for Eloise. She's also looking for someone who's confident and funny - and has that aforementioned Irish accent of course.
Rowan and Eloise seem to be hitting it off, but Eloise almost departs when it emerges that Rowan doesn't like cats - which is clearly a dealbreaker. It's all a simple misunderstanding however - it's just his flatmate's cat that Rowan doesn't like.
Picking over their food, Rowan can't seem to get his head around edible flowers."It really looks like a flower" he marvels. "It is a flower" explains Eloise. "They're edible flowers."
These two don't seem to have gotten much airtime this episode, but things must have gone well because next thing you know they're the last ones left in the restaurant.
"I'm not ready to go yet," declares Eloise - but changes her mind when she realises that even the waiters have gone home for the evening.
Both her and Rowan are keen for another date and exchange numbers outside afterwards. It's a match!